Literally Yours.....!!!!

Information Superhighway

2011-08-07T17:24:00.008+05:30

NOTE TO DIARY: I've reached the 21st century. My humble abode is now a 2Mbps WiFi enabled zone. May the overloading of Airtel servers begin.

All work and word play makes Jack...

2011-07-06T17:01:00.111+05:30

At my previous organization (which I shall call Tota Consulting Services, to avoid lawsuit) any talk about tasks, performance, targets, skills, improvement, career was all considered either heresy, sarcastic humor or burnout. With a library, TT tables, tennis courts and world class food court, gym and no download limits, they kept you engaged all day. Only on extremely rare occasions did you run into the boss. During the post-lunch snack or perhaps during a day-and-night tennis match. And even then, he'd feel apologetic asking you about the task progress. Downright embarrassed even. In fact, on the very first day at work, they introduce you to the bench and call it the talent pool. And that's when you know life is going to be good. Of all my happiest memories at TCS, the fondest are those of the talent pool in which I spent my first 2 weeks. It was pleasure blogging about those times and it still is.

In a similar spirit, I started this post by describing the many things that happen at my current workplace. Amusing things. Weird things. Unusually-seriously-taken trivial things. Naturally, I made some smart-Alec remarks about co-workers, bosses, CEOs and even some clever wordplay on the company vision, mission statements, inspirational HR slogans and the like. A tad sarcastic as usual, I guess, but that's just me being myself. After almost half the post was complete, I suddenly realized this was a permanent job. My permanent job. My bread and butter. And jam and ketchup. And toaster. And maybe even a microwave someday. On a professional level, shouldn't I play safe? Even the B-School lifeline had been used up. And on a more personal level, am I morally (cough) justified in wasting precious (cough) man-hours and brain-hours blogging?

I surely can't profess a scarcity of objets des curiosite here. Like that chirpy sparrow brained HR who knows everyone's birthday but whose birthday no one seems/wants to know. Or that dropped-as-a-child Deputy Manager scorned by the President 8 years ago, who'd rather get his 15th certification in the hope of a promotion than leave the company. Or that forever frowning VP with the Al Pacino voice replete with profound & profuse profanities who probably runs this entire company behind-the-scenes. But shouldn't I actually work for a change?

There I was. One week into the job and midway through a blog post. From across the desk, the words on the logo-embellished coffee mug stared at me accusingly. "Take initiative. Add value to your work."

So that was that. I quickly saved the draft and walked into the boss' chamber. "Good morning Sir." My boss reached into the abyss of his memory. 5 seconds passed. "Oh! Rahul right. Tum aa gaye! Surprised to see you boss. I thought you wouldn't join!?"

"No Sir. I am very much interested in this sector. Consequently I was hoping that if there are any short term tasks that could accelerate my learning curve and help me grow as a professional in the company, do let me know right away. In fact, I did my B.Tech.... (Ed's Note: Author indulged in some self-dabba which the reader shall not be subjected to).... and all this has equipped me with a rich experience. I am sure the work I do will reflect my capabilities and interests in a manner that allows me to perform to my full potential."

10 seconds passed. My boss slowly turned towards his laptop screen and made wiggly circles on the screen with the cursor. Turned back towards me and stared. 10 more seconds passed.

"Yes? Tumne kuch bola?"

"Sir, I want some challenging work to do."

"Accha.... Yaar, that reminds me. I urgently need the contact numbers for helicopter services in India. Fatafat jugaad kardo."

As the image of kids in woolen mufflers and Ma Vaishnodevi's icy peaks appeared in my mind, he added, "The thing is we're doing something never done before. Dig up some data and make a PPT on the methodology for mid-river construction with helicopter support. You'll present to the clients on Friday. Is that ok?"

The ex-IT employee (whose knowledge of helicopters and construction was limited to Discovery Channel & Die Hard) gaped and absently nodded his head. The boss continued "At work, you should always feel free to take initiative. I want your learning curve to be vertical. Not flat, you know." And then a sardonic smile.

Of all the #*?$%#^$&^@# things!!!

Dear Reader, there is a moral to be learnt here. In your life, the overall scheme of things may not make sense. You may succeed at some things, fail at others for no apparent reason. But always remember: Never ever take career advice from coffee mugs. They're just to hold the damn coffee.

Maple Heights (contd/concld)

2011-06-23T16:20:00.003+05:30

So... after office today, I made my second trip to Maple Heights to look at another apartment. As we shook hands, Agent Vinod offered me some cold water before taking me over to the apartment complex on his bike.

Agent V: Sir aap cheque se payment karenge kya?

Author: Kya farak padta. Cash, netbanking, sab chalega bhaiyya magar ghar toh dikha do pehle. Chahiye toh paise briefcase mein dal kar de du?

He laughed as waited for the lift. A sullen looking thug who I presumed was the owner's agent joined us. 7-8-9-10-11. The lift opened and there it was. A fancy door and the owner beaming. I motioned to take off my shoes but he waved me off. My agent showed me the interior and I nodded with approval at the modular kitchen, drawing room split AC, the home theatre and sofa set(not leather) blessing my luck at getting all this for INR 26000 a month.

Author: So ye saara furnishing aise hi rahega?

Bald Owner Uncle: Not really. Jitne bhi movable items hain, we'll take them. Except the geysers and woodwork.

Curse my luck I thought... the damn agent was essentially showing me an unfurnished house and at 26k it wasn't cheap at all. All the waiting at the metro queue, rickshaw bargaining couldn't be allowed to go to waste I decided. I casually struck up a conversation and told the owner I was actually looking for a furnished apartment.

Author: I work with RPG and my friend works in Deloitte. We were planning to take this house together.

Surprised look at wife who glares at her mother who glares at the husband who glares at me.

Bald Owner Uncle (smiles after a pregnant pause): Ok.. That's nice. But in that case, isn't it easier for you to buy new furniture? I'm sure in time, she might want you to buy different utensils, appliances.

I was slightly confused at his multiple misunderstandings. Firstly, my friend was a male bachelor and I was not planning a live-in as the owner seemed to assume. Secondly, it's clearly more tedious to get ACs and TVs installed. That's precisely why I wanted a furnished place! So I made my point.

Author (with a strong look at Agent Vinod): Actually, I was given to understand the house would be furnished.

Bald Owner Uncle: Thik hai... no problem. Whatever you want (looks at his wife) except the beds and puja mandir, sentimental value hai thoda, you understand, we'll leave behind. Aap ek list banao and we can discuss it. Bas payment mein adjustment kar lenge.

Owner's Wife: Ek single bed chod sakte hain. (looks at husband) AC bhi extra hoga hai na. We can leave that also for you.

Author (relieved at the flexibility and finally relaxing): Ok. Thik hai... I can do that.

Arthritic Mother: Aapko market bhi close padega and there are double parking slots in the basement.

I inspected the balcony and smiled. The view was just perfect for vodka and caviar.

Bald Owner Uncle: Actually she just moved to Gurgaon (indicating his mother) and as you can see, the living space is limited for three of us. So, we are planning to buy a 3BHK in Princeton and sell this one at 74-75.

Hmm... now what's this about? That's not good news, I thought. Questions started racing through my mind. When exactly was he planning to do this? If he sold the place, would I need to get another rental lease agreement with the new owner? How do I ensure the new owner does not evacuate me? Would I need to renegotiate the rent again? Damn!

As you know, I avoid any and all legal & governmental issues. It seemed too complicated a situation for me to enter as a third party even as a tenant. As my expressions began to cloud, the wife started pouring me some water.
Meanwhile, Agent Vinod nudged me and gently took me aside to the thug who was glowing brightly in a corner.

Agent Vinod: 75 lakhs mein toh sir, bahut hi badhiya investment hoga.

As the agents slowly painted glowing tributes about the security, raising a family in this area, proximity to vegetable market, it began to dawn on me. The cash-cheque remark, the furniture, the odd glances. Goddammit. I was in the process of BUYING the freakin apartment.

I quickly gulped down the water.

Author: Ok... Mujhe sirf layout dekhna tha. Mere friend se consult karke hi decision le sakta hun. (more smiles from owner). I will definitely get in touch with you or Vinod here. Thanks for showing me the place.

5-4-3-2-1. The bumpy rickshaw ride could not go in vain. I turned to Agent Vinod. The thug had left us alone.

Author: Accha bhaiyya. Complex toh bahut hi shaandar hai. Rent pe mil sakta hain kya yahan

Agent Vinod: Bilkul badhiya rent milega sir yahan. Is ghar pe aapko aaram se 28000 tak mil jayega

With that, I took his leave and decided to never look at Maple Heights again.

EDIT (28 June 2011): Just thought I'd let my dearest readers know that after 2 weeks of scouting around in Gurgaon, looking at 4 different houses, 1 of which I almost bought, I finalized the very 1st house I saw in Gurgaon. The deal has been sealed in the presence of the owner, his finicky grandmother, 5 agents and black labrador named Ranger. Moving in on 10th July 2011.

Maple Heights

2011-06-22T11:34:00.001+05:30

After a month long siesta under the sun at KKD, a week long boot camp in the rains at Mumbai/Kolad, I returned to Gurgaon to restart Corporate Life v2.0. All I had to do was to find a house and settle down in the city of the 1000 malls. And what a gloriously uncongested city too. Unitech World, Vatika City, DLF Towers, Princeton Estate, Ardee City, I felt spoilt for choice. Wouldn't you? I visualized a house on the 8th floor of a skyscraper, plush interior woodwork, leather sofa, Jaquar bathtub, flatscreen TV rigged to a Playstation, central AC, armchair, vodka and caviar on a balcony overlooking the common swimming pool with interruption only by the intercom which security uses to announce the arrival of friends. Of course, all within walk-able distance from a metro station. After all, I needed to get to work everyday didn't I? Anyway, an exhaustive search on magicbricks.com, 99acres.com, makaan.com, yielded close to 2000 agent contacts. Pooh and bah. Now I'd play these poor chaps against each other and get the cheapest rent, I thought. But you're right. This is how every good story begins.

For a well networked student in a centrally located MDI campus, a wide selection of bikes makes Gurgaon all of 40 minutes in radius. But CorpLife v2.0 revealed the 5 km gaps between buildings and suddenly disappearing public transport that extended the Gurgaon radius to well over 2 hours. While I belittled the congested closed spaces in Mumbai, the uncongested open spaces of Gurgaon belittled me. Anyway, the very first agent took me to an apartment in Maple Heights and it wasn't bad. But it was nowhere near the vodka-caviar dream. So I put him on hold.

The next day at office, I spent the whole afternoon calling various Gargs and Sharmas. The fog of vagueness mentioned earlier lifted and from within, very reluctantly, appeared my "bachelors ke liye fully furnished 2BHK with 100% power backup aur rent INR20-25000 ke range mein". But there were no takers! Or givers rather. The Gargs said I should look at the INR30000 range. The Sharmas felt I needed more space and should look for a 3BHK. The Kumars declared that if I found a wife by Friday, they'd find me a house by Sunday. And the Agrawals exclusively dealt with people for whom power backup was simply snobbishness.

I quickly realized that in Gurgaon, all roads lead to Maple Heights. But I have not given up. This is not how the story ends. The search continues....

IngSoc and AmeriCap

2011-05-01T21:41:00.001+05:30

NOTE TO READER: If you have not yet read Orwell’s1984, go to a bookstore, read it and come back here. Seriously.

Now that I sit back and look at it, I am having a revelation. There’san awfully strong correlation between a B-Schooler’s world and Winston’s world in 1984. Considerthe following:

Firstly, you can’t disregard that IngSoc and AmeriCapare, in their own ways, solely about accumulation and perpetuation; of power and wealth respectively. Like Newspeak in 1984, we have our own linguafranca, the BSpeak. And although dialects vary across different B-Schools (vis-a-visthe 3 super-states of 1984), the jargon is quite familiar to the CNBC-TV18 orNDTV Profit watchers among you. In case you did not get it, the American version of capitalismthat is practised worldwide is known as AmeriCap in BSpeak.

Like the Ministry of Peace forever engaged inwar, you have the Ministry of Student Affairs or MiniStuff, fighting for lower attendancerequirements, bigger festival hoardings, faster internet speeds and sloshier parties.Like the fickle Goldstein, their enemy takes various faces of theadministration, professors and even students. But the war remains perpetual. BSchoolstoo actively encourage the ritual ‘15 minutes of hate’, where the symbol of all selfless deedsand environmentally conscious actions is hated, cursed and spit upon. InBSpeak, it’s just called the Business Ethics class.

Like the Ministry of Plenty that elevates thegeneral quality of life by cutting food and rations, the Ministry of Professors or MiniProf,with their ever growing supplyof assignments and case studies, strives tirelessly to reduce free time and destroy social life of all forms in amisguided effort to raise our standard of thinking.

Our version of Ministry of Love, the Admin’sLair (also called MiniLair in BSpeak parlance) is usually enveloped in cobwebs & silence as the ancient staff there stay in deep meditation year after year undisturbedby the ongoing activities of the MiniStuff, the MiniPlace (explained below) oreven the powerful MiniProf. At times, inspired by inner revelations no doubt,they devise and implement new regulations that add a thicker bureaucratic layerto all the Ministries. I am convinced this is to train us in the finer nuancesof AmeriCap and slow down the hectic pace we live in. The MiniLair also classifiesoffenders of various sorts who are often summoned to their offices and threatenedand/or tortured for their own good.

And like the Ministry of Truth, we too have labyrinthineoffices underground where dedicated number-cooking members work 24x7 on the B-School’syear-on-year records and inflate starting salaries to ever greater heightsirrespective of U, V, W, X or even J shaped economic growth. In BSpeak, we callit the Ministry of Placements or MiniPlace. In most BSchools, responsible MiniPlaceswith the aid of corporate interface depts like Ministry of Miscommunications or MiniMisCom have also been known to revise historical records to match the false claims of otherministries, no doubt for a greater goal we can never fathom.

Like the art of doublethink, we are all practitioners of somethingcalled BoviThink in BSchools. This means doing exactly what others are doing without succumbing to yourown thoughts. Two of the commandments are (1) to ignore reality and (2) to think like bovineanimals. True masters of BoviThink don’t think at all (inside, outside, underneathor even on top of the box). A well known fact is that a BoviThinker’s greatest excitementcomes when the MiniLair declares that his love for BigBrother is greater thanhis neighbours’.

Big Brother too, is common to the world of 1984 and BSchools. Everythingand everyone reminds you that Big Brother is watching. Our friends & foes duringthose 2 years as well as our future beyond the BSchool are all decided by Him. Love Him more andbe elevated to the Outer Party or even the Inner Party where you learn an arcane dialectfilled with words like M&As, Brand Extensions and Synergy. Love Him less and you areclaimed by the back benched Proles with their incessant gaming and free-riding.Although ONLY the abundantly generous MiniProf and infinitely wise MiniLair cantruly quantify your Love for BigBrother, a visible indicator is your Thought Police record(also called Class Participation or CP in BSpeak). As any BSchooler will tell you, what truly matters in the BSchool world is the depth of your love for Big Brother or inBSpeak terms, the Cumulative Grade Point Average.

In fact, 500 assignments, 300 PPTs, 150 corporate interaction sessions, 40management books, 15 grade docks, 10 parties, 5 committee memberships, 2 disco sessions and innumerable levitating circles later, it comes home to you, like it does to the 1984-stuck Winston. That the solar system defined 24 hours can accommodate 9 hours of classes, 5 hours of committee meetings, 3 hours of assignments, 2 hours of industry leader talks, 1 hour of project work and of course 4 hours of sleep. That Albert was wrong and George was right. Time isn't relative, it's elastic.

Ok.. maybe the revelation part at the beginning was overkill, but it's still a bloody strong correlation to warrant a post from a BSchooled author who is currently stuck in the afore-mentioned eternally elastic time with none of the above to do.

The Yatra

2011-03-31T01:41:00.001+05:30

For nearly 8 years, the wee hours of the 30th of every March went by leaving me with a cake-iced front and a tomato-reddened rear. This year was refreshingly different. With the close of FY2010-11, I slammed my academic record (of every sort!) shut. In the silence that ensued, I heard corporate and societal gremlins snickering. A plot to sabotage the peaceful machinery (of the glider fondly called My Life) was being hatched. Wanderlust had already led me to Rishikesh, Haridwar, Pushkar and McLeod Gunj (yes, yes, dedicated posts will come up shortly). But it was high time to make that final YATRA before the coffee-nourished insomniacs, monotony-infected weekdays and sanity-wrecking protocols said 'here we are!' once more. So the pilgrim was on his way and this is what his Hajj looked like.

Gurgaon --> Goa (4 days) --> Mumbai (2 days) --> Bangalore (1 day) --> Goa (9 days) --> Chennai (1/2 day) --> Kakinada (3 days) --> Visakhapatnam (1/2 day) --> Gurgaon (2 days) --> Jaipur (2 days) --> Bikaner (2 days) --> Sam (1/2 day) --> Jaisalmer (1/2 day) --> Jodhpur (1 day) --> Ajmer (1/2 day) --> Pushkar (1/2 day) --> Gurgaon (1 1/2 days) --> Visakhapatnam (1 day) --> Kakinada.

And now, after all of the above, I sit at home and compile this post, watching India go from grandstanding (courtesy: superheated Sehwag & unwitting Umar Gul) to gasping (courtesy: malfunctioning Middle Order) to gut wrenching (courtesy: well-oiled Wahab) to gunning-for-glory (courtesy: brutal bowlers & fox-terrier-ish fielders). Inshallah they won because all other scenarios would have defamed my birthday for aeons to come. Or at least until the Kaku Hoshasen from Japan killed all of us.

What next? Peace, quiet and hopefully leisure to post some more....

Good Morning

2011-01-21T07:30:00.001+05:30

It is 7.30 am. And what a glorious time it is.

I have formally relinquished control yesterday. Both the 'reins' I held and the 'yoke' I bore. I have completed the MVW assignment and the presentation AND watched an episode of Boston Legal. I was on my balcony just now and saw a white streak racing across the pale blue sky. It was a jet. Lit up by the sun which shone upon it at that altitude. But I am still waiting for the sun to rise. Despite a night out, I feel completely awake for some reason. Damaged sleep cycles I guess.But I will have breakfast today. And I will finish hearing what Mr H G Wells has to say.

Nothing but freedom now.

Good morning indeed.

Going Wild - Part I

2011-01-06T07:08:00.022+05:30

At 12.09PM on 5.1.2011, yours truly received THE key to his freedom:

"Dear All,
Congratulations to Rahul Maddipatla for receiving a PPO from RPG - KEC.
Regards,
Placecom"

So I did add 'value' during my summer internship after all eh? Who'd've known.... Anyway, this marks the unofficial termination of my MBA. The official end is roughly 45 days away which, now that I think of it, isn't much time. Where did these 2 years go? Well... another post will come into existence for that. This one is going to be about here and now. Over the next couple of weeks, I will engage in activities that can broadly be classified under the theme "Going Wild".
This week's main event is The 72 Hour Project, an attempt to stay awake for the next 72 hours. Can it be done? Well, we are about to head into Hour 20 right now. Here's a quick recap:
11.00 - Official flag off
13.00 - Pizza at Domino's with the Machine
14.00 - AWOL
17.45 - MVW class
20.30 - BBQ nation with BDA, AMR, NSQ, LAL, BBO, DHT & of course TFN
23.40 - AWOL
03.00 - blogger.com
And now... at 07.00 - Drowsiness and sloth are very close to winning the battle........
HELP!

Edit @ 21.00 on 7th Jan 11: Close to 07.40, sleep and sloth did overcome me. The 72 Hour Project is hereby postponed until further notice.

'Brand' Personalities

2010-08-06T22:42:00.003+05:30

The sheer spectrum of personalities you see at a B-School can never be satisfactorily classified. Nevertheless, attempts are made time and again. Like this one...

First we have the Jarheads. Fresh recruits directly shipped from colleges across the nation. Their world-view consists of dungeon-like hostel rooms, cafeteria hangouts, professorial wrath, alcohol orgies and mass bunks. Overjoyed by fate’s gift of 2 additional years of the afore-mentioned life, they care zilch about classes, stay strictly nocturnal and blissfully ignorant of the course contents. Summer leaves them with the bitter after taste of that distinctly corporate flavour called responsibility. And long after the 2 years vacation, they are still haunted by the ubiquitous 2x2 matrix, the quintessential B-School theme.

Then we have the Industry-Veterans, the victims of the GDP growth and IT revolutions. The innocents who got drafted into various warring factions like Accenture, Infosys etc only to become net disposable income statistics in the annually published Marketing Whitebook. Over time, they become loose bricks in the corporate wall and end up as another statistic in the Whitebook, Employee Attrition (to higher education). At B-Schools, the more nostalgic among them try to relive their jarhead-like era and rave about it to their still-corporate-collared friends. The more wizened among them engage in the eternal grade crusade to strengthen their heat shields against corporate re-entry.

After a while though these lines fade and new divisions emerge. One of these innumerable classifications is based on Classroom Participation or RG-giri. Relative Grading, by the way, is a noble concept introduced in B-Schools to enhance the mutual cut-throatness of future managers. Why not? After all, we will soon be in a position to destroy the world by engineering massive oil spills or financing 3^rd world dictators and years of civil wars. Ahem... Sorry about the digression. Coming back to the topic at hand, armed with a year’s worth of experiences, this is an attempt to describe to the layman those unforgettable personality types that make peer learning and living such a joy in B-Schools:

The Morpheus Bhakt makes his presence felt by his mental absence. It goes thus. A few classes into the week you see his head constantly nodding in the classroom. It takes hours of speculation to realise that this is an outcome of semi-consciousness and not higher consciousness of business concepts. During attendance though, the bhakt is wide awake and in his infinite wisdom, dons multiple avatars of Roll Number 17, 42 as well as 56. Two years of this guided meditation keeps the Morpheus bhakt insulated against all forms of B-School learning and preserves his common sense for the journey into the real world.

At the other extreme is the OmniMBA who is fully capable of forcing his presence even into the subconscious of the most dedicated of Morpheus Bhakts. Forces beyond our ken have endowed this miraculous creature with the management practice gyaan of every successful corporation that ever sold soap, steel or sports cars. No doubt due to extensive reading of those Bibles written by Lee Iacocca, Jack Welch or Prahlad Kakkar. So be it accounting, market planning or organizational design, the OmniMBA relentlessly embellishes ppts with pictures and ‘additional facts’ from the internet and insists on going on with slide number 43 although it is 1.35PM and 80% of the class has zoned out. Moreover, he/she makes a terrible fuss during case discussions under the pretext of CP. Another reason to ban the evil practice of CP. Don’t get the OmniMBA wrong, though. The enthusiasm is very genuine. What is merely forgotten is that it was not HBR that Moses brought down Mount Sinai.

Months later, this great divide too is submerged by the end of 1^st year which results in unprecedented levels of sloth across the personality spectrum on campus.

Some remain unchanged though. HBR reports of a secret memo circulated among the Fortune 500 in which it was published that MBAs would be utterly unproductive without the magical tool called FAFF. So the world agrees that Faff is a necessary evil. But what about the congenital and compulsive Faffer? Indeed, the only stereotype that stays true throughout an MBA is the Faff Champion. John Galt’s 32 page speech pales in comparison to a Faff Champion’s monologue. A layman would hear random unrelated English phrases mixed with generous amounts of B-School jargon depending on the quality of the faff. But the experienced ear would detect an expert faffer at work and irrespective of the situation, feel a sudden urge to say “Faff! Faff! Faff!”

If you cannot identify yourself with any of the above, do not fret. My coming posts will be dedicated to volunteers who allow me to dissect their personalities for the merriment of others. Now we come to the reluctant end of quite a long monologue. I could go on and on. But then, I don’t have the 0830 class tomorrow. What about you?

Demand and desperation

2009-12-20T01:30:00.003+05:30

We have the Macroeconomics End Term along with Human Resource Management on Monday (21st Dec).

So what did we do?

We drive down to Ambience and tried booking tickets for Avatar 3D tonight(19th Dec).

House Full. In fact, desperate souls were already waiting near the ticket counter for cancellations.

Whose idea was it?

Ah yes, I forgot to mention. Rational souls would've come back seeing the House Full. Rational souls.

But of course, that boat had sailed long ago. We bought tickets for the Sunday night(20th) 23:40 show.

Whose idea was it?

And of course, the third idiot who actually got ready to sponsor the Gold(Rs 850) show for tonight.

Another look at the first idiot? Here he is again.

So, here we are... Avatar 3D tickets ready for tomorrow night.

3 Cheers to the 3 idiots.

The End The Doors

2009-12-13T05:13:00.002+05:30

"Feels like a million squirrels are biting my foot off"

- NSquare, Badminton Court.

"Am I alive?

Yes.

Any limbs missing?

No.

Any parts twisted weirdly out of place?

No.

Broken bones?

Don't think so.

Any gashes/bruises?

Yes.

Good."

- KungFu Panda, Briefly @ NDE

Maybe there was no apple

- Kadi, Badminton Court.

Moral of the story is "If you eat paan, it unlocks your brain"

- Darua, HRM Class.

brought to you by:

The Seal Clubbing Society & Send Swamis To Amsterdam Chit Fund

Change Master

2009-11-20T03:52:00.000+05:30

Dear Blog,

The day I walked into MDI Gurgaon, I walked out of the time-space continuum. Out of the time component of the continuum, at least. Your usual "What's up?" can no longer be answered by my usual "Nothing much" and a long story elaborating the answer. I now have a minimum 3 things to do at any given instant. Seriously.

Ergo, there are some changes that you and I will both have to live with.

1. You will have to resign to being black and white at best. No more colours.

2. No more of your favourite 500+ word dishes. Only leftovers from the day or the week.

3. You will not sulk when I come back after ignoring you for weeks or even months.

4. Detailed imagery is out of stock. Now now, don't you cry. Accept the crispy new flavour. As and when you get it.

5. When I mention my other literary work or article/news links in front of you, don't be jealous.

Remember my dear blog. Change is inevitable. Don't just wait for it. Plan for it.

We shall stay in touch.

Your faithful author

R@hul

The 10 commandments

2009-06-02T18:07:00.015+05:30

Have you ever taken a sudden long unexpected leave and gone back to work? It can be a nightmare for most. At the team lunch, your boss says loud enough for the entire team to hear, "Good to see you're back! Where were you all these days? Your team had to do overtime to finish off your work as well." and what follows is a week of poignant glares from your team-mates every time you ask for the slightest bit of help. Of course, MY boss says, "Where were you all these days? You missed the free lunch sponsored by the client!!" And that is why I love my boss. But let me not digress.....

Like the hula-hoops, lava lamps and boot-cut jeans of yore, if this generation has a fad, it has to be the undisguised hatred of one's job. Be it construction or coding. But while most of us merely day-dream about the epilogue of the event called resignation, we forget that there is also the prologue. i.e. the period of time between your decision to quit and your intimation about the same to that insufferable species called HR. Well... I entered the prologue about 2 months ago. And it ends 2 or 3 days from now. Wandering in the purpose-devoid Hebrew wilderness of boredom, I saw the light and trekked up Mount Sinai. And there, I received The 10 Commandments of what to do during the so-called notice period in an IT company.

Commandment One: Thou shalt stop working immediately for thy bread and ratings. The good Lord hath arranged for pro-rata salary payment till thy very last date by means of a settlement cheque.

Commandment Two: Honour thy boss and no other, for it is he who shalt give you thy recommendation letter which you will exaggerate during any and all interviews in the future.

Commandment Three: Thou shalt produce fake medical bills to cover all illnesses known to man and beast in order to take back what rightfully belongs to thee. The health insurance and medical allowance.

Commandment Four: Thou shalt make use of all thine SickLeaves, CasualLeaves and other leaves non-convertable into liquid cash. For The Good Lord, hath provided you with bountiful supply of diseases like jaundice, viral fever, typhoid and AIDS.

Commandment Five: Thou shalt commit adultery of information and gather all high-level documents necessary to take credit for all the things thy entire team has done together.

Commandment Six: Thou shalt covet thy neighbour's computer and make future arrangements for the same. For, the HR shall taketh away thy own when you reveal thy purpose to quit.

Commandment Seven: Thou shalt not steal anything that cannot fit into thy pocket.

Commandment Eight: Thou shalt indulge in KT and teach sin to thy replacements in abundance for it is they who shalt continue to consume company bandwidth for downloads after you leave.

Commandment Nine: Thou shalt treat all the HR girls equally and cc everyone for a date.

Most Importantly, Commandment Ten: Thou shalt not curse thy company until you are at least 5 feet outside the premises on the last day. Beyond that, The Good Lord in His infinite wisdom hath provided you free will. Use it as vociferously as you wish.

Universally Accepted Fraud A.K.A Universal Adult Franchise

2009-04-30T18:10:00.002+05:30

They happen quite rarely. Once in 4 years. Like the Football World Cup. With as much speculation and betting. They start with bitter ideological differences between the contestants. And match-fixing and cheating are endorsed and encouraged in this game. Ultimately, united they stand and divided we are. And guess what, irrespective of the winner, the general public is always flogged for the next 4 years. And thence the name of the game, The General Elections.

My name was finally entered in the electoral rolls this year. I am now a proper 'citizen' with the universal adult franchise. It has been a difficult journey to make. And sure enough, on April 16th 2009, Rahul voted. He exercised one of his most powerful fundamental rights!! He indirectly chose the prime minister of India!! Well... not quite... but you get the picture.

Steven Levitt, the Freakonomist says any sane, logical person would never vote. Why? Because of there is no measurable incentive. No tangible return on investment. The chances of a single vote affecting the outcome of an election is so low that no one in their right minds should vote. Obviously the freak-eco isn't quite familiar with our elections. In India, incentive is not only tangible but also edible. Along with the father of our nation and the father of our constitution, we must pay respects to the inventor of the chicken biryani and country liquor. For, they have done more to ensure voter turnout than any 'Jaagore' can ever do.

Sticker WhyBhav did not vote. Instead, he wrote. To the Chief Election Commissioner of India. It goes thus:

Dear CEO,

The undersigned has some suggestions he'd like to see implemented by the next election. Actually, forget the next election, if you can manage them anytime before the undersigned dies, he'd still appreciate it.

1. Candidate list to contain the list of criminal offences and brief description of the same in a column beside the voter's name.
2. Candidate list to also contain the educational qualifications of the candidate.
3. A verified list of the various social contributions to the society made by the candidates to be readily available and distributed in the queues outside the polling booths.
4. Shoot-on-sight orders for booth-capturing, rigging etc. on election day.
5. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, along with the list of candidates, EVMs to also contain a red button with the caption "All of the above are worthless swine".

Regards,
Sticker.

This clever comic 'mirrors' the Elections 2009 quite nicely. Look at it carefully. ;-)

[Courtesy: Sticker WhyBhav]

About Ahmed. The Autowala.

2009-04-29T11:25:00.001+05:30

Ahmed is the resultant of an interesting socio-economic equation. Just like the rest of us. But before I tell you his tale. Imagine this scenario:

You open the door in the morning and your milkman goes "What took you so long?". Your plumber says "merci beaucoup" when you pay him. Your maid takes a break from sweeping and asks you to change the TV channel to Zee Cafe so that she can watch 'Friends'. As you walk down the street, a roadside cafe owner greets his regular customer with a 'wassup' and a high-five.

Too far fetched?

Literacy rates are quite high in cities. You don't need a census to tell you that. Go to the nearest slum at 0730 in the morning. The stream of kids in stark white uniforms and jet black shoes is all the proof you need. Evidently, the afore-mentioned essential service providers, although several notches below your income level, don't, for a second wish their children to follow in their footsteps. They see you and your kids everyday. Possibly for years. They know the quality of life an education can provide. And so, except for the rare under-age kid you employ to wash your utensils, almost all her friends go to school. They keep progressing up the grades until one day, their family needs them to go to work. And at that point, their education stops. So what is the resultant of this equation. Where do these kids go?

Ok... I will stop the monologue and proceed with my anecdote.

[Author's Note: All the dialogues below are completely verbatim. I spent that night in the train recalling and typing up the words as they were spoken into my mobile so that I could post them here with accuracy.]

ACT 1.....

I am on the way to a railway station. It is 6:40pm. I reach the main road and flag down an autorickshaw.
Rahul: Nampally aate?
Autowala: Baitho.
I get into the auto.
Autowala: Meter pe Rs 5 extra de do.
I immediately make a movement as to get off and say: Arey yaar! Side kardo bhai. Kaiko extra lete.
Autowala: Arey! Baitho boss. Nhi dena toh nhi dete bolo na bas. Itna rudely kaiko ja rahe ho. Autowale aadmi nhi hote kya.
I am taken aback slightly by his usage of 'rudely'. I takes me a few seconds to retort back.
Rahul: Toh hum aadmi nhi hain kya. Paisa pedh pe nhi ugte bhai. Jaldi mein tha, isliye utar raha tha.
The autowala remains silent.

ACT 2.....

I open my bag and absent-mindedly check for my train ticket. I am still thinking about the fact that an autowala just said the word 'rudely'. In english. Meanwhile, the autowala stops at a paan shop to buy supari. Getting out, he turns towards me and smiles.
Autowala: Late toh nhi ho rahe na?
Interesting. An autowala with a sarcastic sense of humour. I just smile back.
He comes back shortly and the auto starts again.

ACT 3....

[The autowala is giving me some gyaan about mobile ambulances in hyd and how 10th pass guys are nurses in them. Suddenly he becomes pensive.]
Autowala - Mai bhi inter 2nd yr passed hun. I also passed Intermediate 2nd year. [Long pause] Kuch bhi naukri nhi mila toh auto chala raha hun.
Aha!! That explains how he used the word 'rudely' with such obvious ease.
Rahul: wahi laga tha mujhe.
[Long pause]
Rahul: You can work as an accountant at office ya aise kuch na?
Auto turns back toward me and stares.
Autowala: Aise hi ghurte hain log. 12th pass is not sufficient. waise... mai subah lunch karta hun aur raat tak auto chalata hun. 500 per day banata hun apart from oil and rent money. Around 15-16000 per month. Aur city bhi ghoomne ko milta hai.
Rahul: Abhi toh aapko chalega. But family hai toh difficult hoga na.
Autowala smiles mischievously.
Autowala: Do I look like an unmarried man?
It is one of those rare moments when I am at a loss for words.
Autowala: I have 3 children.
He turns, looks at my shocked expression and translates that into hindi. Just in case i didn't get it.
Autowala: Teen bacche hain mere. I'm 34 years old.
Rahul: What is your name?
Autowala: Ahmed Sharif.
Rahul: Ahmed, you look like you're 28 years old.
Ahmed: Still handsome right? My wife also say this.
Ahmed grins widely. He starts to tell me about his eldest son. We've reached our destination but he has forgotten. I am in a hurry. My train leaves in 5 minutes. I ask him to stop. The meter says Rs 66. I give him Rs 70.
Rahul: Ahmed, aaj jaldi mein hun. Nhi toh cafe mein baitke tum aur mai bate karte nai?
I meant it completely. Ahmed was an interesting man worth knowing. Ahmed smiles, graciously takes the money and starts to count it.

It is high-time for me to run for my train. But I hesitate. I want to tell him that he is qualified for a better job. I want to tell him a man like him can strive for a better place in society.

Ahmed finishes his counting and looks at me. He smiles. I think he read my mind. He said something that struck a chord deep inside me.

Ahmed Sharif, the Autowala says to me, "It is never a question of money or status in society. Ego. If a man has his ego, he can do any job."

And with that punchline, one of the many resultants of our socio-economic equation, starts his auto and heads out into the city of pearls..... Hyderabad.

So... You still think that scenario is far fetched?

SPJain Group Interview

2009-04-13T15:07:00.004+05:30

IIM Bangalore again. Light rainfall. Close to 80 candidates. 5 panels. 3 PM. Crowded and humid. I was uneasy (and quite needlessly, a little euphoric, from the previous day's MDI interview). After an expected 1 hour delay(my colleague had already warned me about SPJain's lack of punctuality), 8 of us entered a chamber where a NiceLadyProf(NLP) and a WizenedOldGentleman(WOG) sat, smiling benevolently at us.

NLP: Good afternoon everyone... My name is blah and my colleague is blah... SPJain conducts Group Interviews to get to know you as a person... blah blah... and more blah... we will have a formal discussion... but first introduce yourselves... start from here.
[I was sitting near a window close to the WOG. And the intros began from the other end. As the introductions proceeded, NLP probed the candidates for a bit more info sometimes. WOG kept looking at me constantly. And the words 'know you as a person' kept echoing in my head. By the time my turn came, his stare had done it's damage. I gave a brief introduction without my usual confident-flippant-tone. While NPC talked to a guy about his project and deadlines, I was having a silent tete-a-tete or eye-a-eye(perhaps?) with WOG. Suddenly NPC addressed the junta...]
NPC: Suppose you are a team and had to deliver something by end of today. Me and WOG are at loggerheads on how to proceed. We have taken strong positions and are not relented to each other in any way. What would you do? How would you handle this and still meet the deadline?
[I was mesmerized by WOG's eyes. The instant her sentence ended... I started rambling...]
Rahul: As far I am concerned, I would talk to you both individually and see what is the exact area of conflict. If I can't make you both compromise ultimately I will take a consensus of the rest of the group and proceed irrespective of your opinions.
[So..it was indeed rambling...not incoherent mumbling. It appeared that I could still fight the eye. My content was coming out right. But the battle with the eye was distracting me. My tone was coming out wrong.]
WOG: hmm...ok...(points to another guy) what would you do?
[Phew!! The eye turns away...]
Guy: blah...blah...
[In turns, the junta gave their individual opinions...blah blah...]
WOG: Ok...good. Now we will have a small discussion on Valentine's Day. You know what it is?
Junta(Almost in chorus): Yes.
NLP: So what do you think about V-Day and that incident that happened in Mangalore with Ram Sena...blah..blah...
[While NLP explained the issue, WOG returned to me. The Ancient Mariner was putting me in a spell. The second her sentence ended, my mouth automatically opened and....]
Rahul: I think it is something very personal and upto the individuals to decide whether to celebrate or not... and if they do want to celebrate.. in what manner they celebrate. Like religion... It should be a personal decision and not a public issue that the media and other organizations have made of it.
[It was tragic. Why was the Mariner after me??? Forget about hanging it around my neck, I don't even know what a damn albatross looks like!! The only poultry-related-crime I've committed in my life was to eat chicken. All along NLP was nodding along listening intently to me.]
WOG(interrupted towards the end and pointed to another guy): What do you think?
Junta: blah blah....(In turns, the junta spoke. One of them actually said that V-Day must be banned and we should focus our love on God and take our loved ones to temples if we were serious about them... hmm... Future Ram Sena Secretary?)
[Finally, the discussion petered out...]
WOG: Now let's take the broader issue... moral policing... women going to pubs.... what do you feel about it...?
[Yet again...the second his question ended...I spoke...sigh...Silence silence everywhere but not a fullstop to my ink. I was self-destructing.]
Rahul: It is completely against the fundamental rights we enjoy as citizens. There can be no justification for the violence they indulged in. There are laws to handle things like the Ram Sena and we must take a stand and speak out against their actions.
[The junta continued...]

As you and I can see now and as I could see then... everytime the panel asked the junta something, I'd cut in before anyone else could speak. And yet, the realisation was not strong enough to outweigh the effect of that Ancient Mariner. The rest of the discussion was about being in a hostel and not having water and a friend dying of thirst(yes.. It was as lame back then as it sounds even now) and how we'd procure water etc etc and other stuff. Every time I'd cut in and be the first to speak. I knew I was doing something terribly wrong completely unlike the rest of the junta who stayed subdued and waited for their turn to speak. No specific questions related to our profiles or education or work. Our opinion of current issues was all they wanted to know.

Result: Mr Ram Sena and me were REJECTED after Round 1 itself. I took an AC bus back and that was how it ended.

CATatonia End of the Series Editor's Note:
I got some insights into the interview process after a careful analysis of the 4 interviews. When I gave a self-generated non-cliched answer for 'why mba?' the SIBM panel disapproved. When I said playing the lead satisfies me, the MDI panel liked it. When I actually did play the lead, the SPJain panel didn't like it. When I cracked a joke in the very beginning about 'why mba?', the IMT panel rewarded me with a stress interview.
So... what does this tell you?
NOTHING.
Like I said at the very beginning....
"What follows is not a guide on how to clear interviews or how to convert them. It is just an account of how F***ED up life can get if you don't think straight."

And now... we return to our regularly scheduled programming.... with R@hul...!!!(Thunderous clapping and cheering noise.)

MDI GD/PI

2009-04-10T13:17:00.005+05:30

Folks, you can't beat the traffic in Bangalore. Period. You have to learn to rise above it. No no.. not spiritually or other crap. I meant literally. By taking the AC Volvo city bus. A boon to Bangaloreans I tell ya! So, I had 2 interviews lined up on 2 consecutive days. Day 1: MDI Gurgaon. By far my best call. I naturally had an aching desire to convert this one. So for the first time in my life, I actually 'prepared' for an interview. Don't ask me how. On the way there, I got really hungry and ate a dosa in a cheap eatery nearby. And my good friend Murphy ensured that a spot of Sambhar adorned the front of my shirt. I luckily managed to cover it up using my tie. Hurray for Ties!

Venue: IIM Bangalore. Time: 2:40 PM. Call: MDI PGPM.

Every single person in my group of 12 has multiple IIM calls. Sigh. The GD was gonna be one hell of a fishmarket. The topic was "Should Narendra Modi be made the PM of India?" GD Verdict: Not bad. A controlled fishmarket with Mr LoudMouth(IIM CLK) doing most of the talking and Mr Silencio(IIM BLACKI) struggling hard to get a chance to speak. Meanwhile, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the panelists laughing hysterically. Oh Boy! Screwed! I watched for about 5 mins and then jumped in and made 2 or 3 relevant points. The group was focussing too much on Modi as an person. I attempted to bring the focus back to the actual topic which was Modi as PM. Done. Later outside, Mr LoudMouth came back from his interview (he was called in first and screwed royally) and informed us that the panelists liked No 7's points and attitude. (Yes. I was the anonymous no 7... yay! Saving grace? Read ahead and find out...)

The panel for the interview was same as the one in the GD. HinglishGuy(HIG) and DistinguishedIntellectualGuy(DIG). Rahul enters.... HIG is standing behind a chair... and leaning forward on it... DIG is sitting in his chair and studying Rahul's profile sheet.

DIG(looking at profile sheet): So Rahul... Yellow Belt... did you continue Karate?
Rahul: No sir... I started a lot of things that I didn't finish. (it was a stupid self-negating statement said in the hope they would ask about the 'other' things.)
DIG: How old were you when you learnt karate?
Rahul: umm... I guess 19 years old.
HIG: achha? Good.. tab tak toh bones and cartilage must have hardened hai na Sir. Can you do the split?
Rahul: Umm... (a damned Roadies audition plays in my head)
HIG: arey... pair ko spread karte hain na... full split?
Rahul: Sir... actually we were taught Katas.... that's a sequence of steps with hand and leg movements and...
HIG(shakes head and cuts me off sharply): What is your name?
Rahul(3 sec pause): Rahul.
HIG: Good. (pause) Got it? (small smile on his face)
Rahul: Got it sir...(they wanted me to be to the point). No I cannot do the split.
(Long pause... with both panelists smiling)
DIG: Tell us something about yourself Rahul apart from what's written in the profile sheet.
Rahul thinks carefully... "hmm... family? work? no.. I'll talk about ME."
Rahul: I am very logical. (pause) I plan before taking any decisions. And once I do... I stick to them. I never regret my decisions.
HIG and DIG assess this statement silently.
DIG: So... what was your plan for the GD?
Rahul talks slowly... measuring each word like a politician...
Rahul: I decided I'll first wait for a bit and understand what the other guys were like. And then I'll give my points corresponding to the nature of the discussion... umm... And I stuck to this plan during the GD.
DIG: What do you think about the GD?
Rahul gives a confused look....
DIG: I mean... how do you rate yourself in the GD?
Rahul: Average.... Sir.
HIG laughs loudly... DIG smiles...
HIG: Sabse pehla bunda hai jisne average bola hai....
DIG: Everyone before you have rated themselves as above average. (looks at me for some kinda explanation)
Rahul: Actually I wasn't aggressive during the GD sir. So... I did not....
HIG: matlab hum GD mein aggressiveness dekh rahe hain kya?
Rahul: No Sir... I mean... I hardly talked sir... probably gave 2 or 3 points... but I'm sure they were very sensible ones. (bold words... implying that I was better than others...) That's why...
HIG: woh pata hai... hum woh nhi kah rahe hain.... ( indications that they agreed with my bold words.... wohoo!!)
DIG(interrupts HIG): Ok.. look... If you were sitting in our chair... how would judge the candidates?
Rahul(thinks): Firstly sir... I would have just 6 people.. It would be easier for me to judge when there less than 12 people...
DIG(interrupts): There were just 8 people. (smiles)
Rahul thinks ya.. 3 were absent... crap!
Rahul(smiles): I mean... You guys are more experienced at this... I can't assess with a large group...
HIG(interrupts): thik hai... woh chodo... continue... what do we look for in a GD.... group dynamics, teamwork mat bolo... apart from all those...
Rahul(thinking): I would look at who is dominating... (damn.. again on the same lines)
DIG: Oh.. so dominating is what matters... blah blah....
HIG and DIG screw Rahul about this statement... After a while he becomes defensive... HIG senses it....
HIG(smiles): Defensive mat ho jao yaar... abhi tak achha baat kar rahe the...
Rahul: ok sir... (continues a little more openly... comparisons of Mr LoudMouth and Mr Silencio)
Finally Rahul clarifies that he meant playing a lead role in the GD would have satisfied him more.
HIG: accha... tell me what are the types of leadership...
Rahul: Actually sir.. I don't know the types..
HIG: nhi bhai.. textbook definition nhi chahiye... in your own...
Rahul(interrupts HIG): According to me... leadership means identifying which people are good at what... and utilizing them as resources to get things done... to get the work done...
While talking, Rahul realizes that HIG was looking for active and passive leadership as the answer to his previous question. Anyway... HIG contemplates on this unique definition and forgets about the types-wala question.
HIG: toh GD mein kya karna chahiye tha...
DIG: You should have...
Rahul(interrupts): I should have identified who was talking sensibly and promoted them...
DIG(cuts me off): You should have made sure that those who didn't get a chance got to speak and those who were loud didn't go out of control. Isn't it?
Rahul: Yes Sir.
DIG smiles a bit... and looks at profile sheet again.
DIG: Did you like it?
Rahul(absent-mindedly): umm.. yes sir...umm.. You mean the interview process?
DIG: No.. your GD performance.
Rahul: Yes sir.. I liked it.
HIG: But tumne toh average kaha na... yahan perform karne aaye ho ki nahi?
Rahul: According to my usual standards it was average sir. Usually I play the lead....
Rahul thinking "A third time emphasis on leading the group... oh what the heck! I am what I am. I can't control my impulse to lead and I couldn't hide it either."
There is a long pause from both panelists.... and I look outside the window at the lawn and the red
brick buildings of IIM-B...
DIG(talking to HIG): Indian School of Mines... hmm... it's a premier college hain na sir?
Rahul: Yes Sir... The admission is through IIT-JEE.
DIG: Oh.. ok... What was your rank?
Rahul: umm(recalling)... it was 3713 sir.
DIG: What is your branch?
Rahul: Mechanical.
DIG(slight smile.. shakes head..): Ok Rahul... standard question... why did you join TCS?
Rahul: During my training in Delphi-TVS... I realised that a junior engineer in the core industry is exposed to a narrow scope of a business... a small set of machines or a small production process...
HIG: Arey yaar.. woh sabko pata hai... What we want to know....
Rahul(interrupts HIG): Yes sir.. umm... (says loudly) Rahul... (indicating that he will speak to the point now... this is greeted by broad smiles by both panelists). Sir... I felt that in the software industry exposure to the business aspect of the organization is more than in core.
DIG(interrupting me): You thought that.. and now you...
Rahul(interrupting DIG): We basically get a broader view of business in IT. And that would help me during my MBA. For that reason I joined _ _ _.
DIG(gives a long pause): That's why you joined _ _ _ ?
Rahul: Yes Sir.
DIG smiles and looks at profile sheet again.
DIG: Your academics do not seem that good. What was your rank?
Rahul(blank lie): I must rank 13 or 14 in my branch of 30 sir.
Rahul curses himself. He should have explained about absolute GPA system and how his branch profs suck! Then again... they probably wouldn't have listened to as deep an explanation as that.
DIG(still hunting for something): What is your topper's GPA?
Rahul(sincere truth): It is around 8.15. (This seemed to satisfy DIG)
HIG: Ok Rahul... you said you are very logical right? I'll ask you a simple question... koi trick or puzzle nhi hai... very simple. Suppose a family travels in a car. Husband, Wife, child, Grandma and Granpa. 5 people... each sit one beside the other... now.. ek person dusre person ke upar chad jaata hai... thik hai?
Rahul: haan... thik hai...
HIG: ok... now tell me... how many people are there on whom no one is sitting?
Rahul(slight pause): 3.... no sir... 4....
(HIG laughs slightly and shakes head dismissively..)
DIG(looks at HIG): Ok Rahul... It was really nice talking to you.
Rahul: Same here Sir.
DIG: You may leave. (I turned to go...)
DIG: One second Rahul... what was your percentile?
Rahul: It is 98.66 sir.
DIG(writes it down): Ok.. thanks.
Rahul: Thank you.
Rahul exits.

Once I was outside, the floodgates of adrenalin that I'd kept locked opened up and I had a psychedelic rush. The minute I became lucid again, I played the whole experience in my mind. I knew this was one incident that had to go up on my blog VERBATIM without my usual exaggeration. And that's all I gotta say about that.

Sticker WhyBhav? Who?

2009-04-09T19:50:00.008+05:30

In case you're wondering who this friend of mine is....

Here are his vital-stats ---->

Name: Sticker WhyBhav.
Current Avatar: Striving for Sainthood.
Previous Avatar: Kurt-a-holic in thoughts and deeds.
Education: Majored in class-snoring. Minored in... umm... engineering... was it?
Employment Status: Recently recruited by this blog's author for his masterpieces. Previously used to pretend to 'work' for an analytics company where he did sales 'fake'casting.

[ Picture Courtesy: Sticker WhyBhav ]

Folks, he is a struggling artist. To make sure his genius reaches the millions* of you who read my blog I've decided to adopt him. From today, he work will regularly star on my blog.

* What huh? Come on...!! You know I'm prone to heavy exaggeration all the time.

Are you Onlife or Offlife?

2009-04-08T18:13:00.004+05:30

I was just saying to my friend Sticker WhyBhav that the next generation will be conceived, born, raised and married online. Why?

[Picture courtesy: Sticker WhyBhav :-) ]

Afterall we've got websites for marriage, good parenting guidelines as well as visual information about what and what not to do for effective (ahem) fornication. And I'm sure online births aren't too far away now.

IMT PI

2009-04-06T11:15:00.002+05:30

Just like SIBM... here too.. A girl went in right before me... but she brought no roses out this time.... just thorns(as you will see ahead....)

Background Info: I dont fully recall what Forrest Gump(FG) was asking. I only registered that he was on his cellphone, running in and outta that room while the interview was going on...

3 panelists. (from left to right)Forrest Gump, Outspoken Man(OM), Royal Pain(RP).

OM: Rahul Maddipatla? (Rahul nods) Good Morning Rahul...
RP: Are you guys coming in randomly or according to serial number?
Rahul: (appropriate answer)
RP: (looking at sheet)... Indian School of Mines, Dhanbad huh?
Rahul: Yes Sir. (hmm.. so he knows about it...)
OM: What's your stream?
Rahul: Mechanical Engineering sir.
RP: So... what do you do in _ _ _ ?
Rahul: (genuine attempt at a joke) I'm waiting to do my MBA sir.... (Rahul smiles)
OM: (smiles but says quite sharply) I know that 40000 guys in Infosys and TCS are waiting to do just that. So... (interrupted by RP...)
RP(quite seriously): No... What do you do in _ _ _ ?
Rahul: Sir, I'm working in software development.... CAD software.
RP: No no no.... what exactly is it that you DO?
Rahul: (thinking... what the hell does he want to know...) Sir, I work in a customer funded project. Basically, my client is blah and blah an aerospace company is their client. There is a software called blah blah that they use for blah blah.... I work on enhancing that existing software.
OM: So... what does that.... (Interrupted by RP....)
RP: What type of enhancements? What does that mean?
Rahul: I get functional requirements.... like....
OM: like... for example....
Rahul: Ya... like adding special parameters into an existing simulation... So... I do that....
OM: Does that involve anything related to mechanical?
Rahul: Not really... but what the end user does require knowledge of mechanical engg....
RP: What does he do with it?
Rahul: They design aircraft bodies and contours.
RP: Why did you join (current company)..?
Rahul: I had my CAT and placements at the same time and I sat for _ _ _ in order to have a secondary plan... my primary objective was not a job.. but I didn't get a good score that year... so had to join.
OM: Why do you want to do an MBA?
Rahul: I intend to join a manufacturing company in the role of a manager.... Management is simply about dealing with men, materials and money... I've done it before in college... realised I was good at it.
OM: Do you know what's Bernoulli's principle?
Rahul: It is basically conservation of energy for a fluid... (gave a partially correct answer and then)... I don't know sir.
OM: (laughs mockingly...) Better you go back to college and study man.
Rahul: I didn't remember sir...
RP: What are the forces that act on an airplane?
Rahul: (thinks... and answers)... Drag...
RP: What is drag? (Rahul explains clearly..) ok... and?
Rahul: Lift, Gravity, Thrust...
RP: What is thrust?
Rahul: It the forward force generated by the turbines in the engine by... sir... (Rahul smiles) It involves the Bernoulli's theorem.
(panel gives some random heat about not being technically sound... and how I'd manage a manufacturing company without this knowlege.)
RP: Anyway... If you're already good at management... so why an MBA?
OM: What I've done in college just made me realise that I was good at it.... I still require to learn the exact techniques involved to do it better sir....
RP: What have you done in college?
Rahul: I was the head of a society.... for about a year.
RP: What was the budget?
Rahul: Rs 30000
OM: You must be earning around like 2 or 3 lacs per annum.... thats a much bigger amount you are managing... why do you need an MBA... go and enjoy man...
Rahul stays blank.... (but smiles)
Rahul: An MBA at IMT has always been my primary goal sir... (interrupted)
OM: What other calls do you have?
Rahul: I applied to SPJain, MDI and have both the calls.
RP (mockingly): Ah...great.. you'll say IMT is primary here... and at MDI you will say MDI is primary and IMT is secondary.
Rahul: I didn't mean primary regarding the institute sir..... Doing a job is secondary and MBA at a good institute is primary for me... That's what I meant. Sir.. It's like.... the things I've done in college gave me a taste of what management is like... and I found it very satisfying... I want that satisfaction from work for the rest of the my life.... I don't know how to explain it further sir.....
OM: So your current job is not satisfying...?
Rahul: No sir... it is.... but I find the kind of work after my MBA to be more satisfying....
RP: What is the name of your blog?
Rahul: (appropriate answer)
RP: What kind of name is that? I don't like it...
(Rahul starts explaining... but they are not listening)
OM: Do you know Amitabh Bachchan's blog name?
Rahul: I don't know....
RP: What other blogs do you read?
Rahul: Blogs of friends.. and one called Blank Noise Project... its a movement by Bangalore women (interrupted)
OM: Do you like girls in bangalore?
Rahul: (thinks and says) I like girls in general sir....
OM: Really? What do you like about them..?
Rahul: (thinks for a second and says) They are good to look at. (and smiles)
RP: Do you like Jayalalitha..? She is from Bangalore.
Rahul: Oh! I didn't know that.
OM says to RP: We used to like her when she was young.
Rahul (interrupts OM): Actually, I still like her sir... but for a different reason. (explains the Karunanidhi and Jaya governance cycle in Tamil Nadu)...
OM comments further and then asks me to go...

SIBM PI

2009-04-02T12:52:00.002+05:30

The interview was on Valentine's Day. The girl who went in for the interview before me came out with 2 roses and a smile. Rahul's Inference: The interviewers were fooling around.

Three panelists(from left to right): Young Guy, Old Man, Tape Recorder Guy and yours truly(Rahul)....

OldMan: So, is there someone who will send YOU roses?
Rahul: (Appropriately answers and jokes)
OldMan & YoungGuy & Rahul laugh for a bit.... TapeRecorder stays silent.
YoungGuy: Ok.. Let's get to business....(interrupted by OldMan)
OldMan: The girl who came in before you also works in TCS and has a similar work-ex... Its like the company runs some coaching for MBA aspirants...
YoungGuy: hmm... can you tell us what's happening here?
Rahul: Actually, the scenario not exactly unique to TCS.... its happening all across the IT industry.
YoungGuy & OldMan: Ok... tell us in general then.
Rahul: Ok... umm.. this is not MY specific reason for an MBA but in general, the market is bad right now. So people expect to spend 2 years in an MBA college and enter the market when its picking up again. It makes sense because they'd be in the right place at the right time.
OldMan: Oh!! So, we should setup stalls here with placards that say MBAs supplied here?!! (YoungGuy & OldMan laugh...)
Rahul: Like I said, that's not my personal opinion. I'm not doing an MBA for this. My goal is something else.
OldMan: Hmm... What is your career goal then?
Rahul: Actually, during my 3rd year industrial training, I worked in assembly plant(Delphi-TVS) and interacted with a lot of managers there. I found their work fascinating. I'd want to do an MBA, specialize in operations and join the manufacturing sector again.
YoungGuy: Do you need an MBA for that? Why do you want to do an MBA?
Rahul: Ultimately, management deals with 4 things... (counting on fingers)... Men, Materials, Money and Time.... I've done this in college before and I realised I'm quite good at it. And I intend to do this for the rest of my life.
(Tape Recorder who had been doodling on his pad, suddenly scribbled furiously... It was then that I noted his existence in the panel. Meanwhile, OM asks Rahul to do him a favour and lock the door behind him coz the wind keeps opening it up..... Rahul does the favour and return to the seat)
OM: What is your engineering stream... (looking at sheet)... ok... mechanical... why did you join TCS?
Rahul: In TCS, my client is Siemens sir, so... I'm associated with Mech....(interrupted by YoungGuy...)
YoungGuy: No... that wasn't your choice right...
Rahul: Not really sir.... I....
YoungGuy contd: You joined and then all this happened... So tell me why you joined TCS in the first place if you wanted to go into manufacturing domain?
Rahul:(thinking...) I'll be frank sir, TCS was the first company that came to campus and "1 student 1 job funda" so.. since I didn't get any good MBA calls that year, I had to go ahead and join TCS.
YoungGuy: Ok... Good luck...
OldMan: Ok.... Best of luck to you then... and send the next person in.

Yappy Yappy Budday!

2009-03-30T11:49:00.000+05:30

Rahulji and Rahul...

Wish you both a bhery bhery Happy Birthday.

Cheers!
R@hul

CATatonia.... (EPISODE 2)

2009-03-29T13:13:00.001+05:30

The year of strike 3... CAT 2008 saw me appear successfully (inspite of hyderbad traffic) at 6 major exams. IIFT, CAT, SNAP, NMAT, XAT and FMS. It is fruitless to go into the why-s and what-margin-s that the results made me face. Suffice it to say that ultimately, I got 4 calls. SIBM, IMT-Ghaziabad, MDI-Gurgaon, SPJain-Mumbai. No IIMs. Period. Hey... Don't fret. I thank my stars that there was atleast a 2nd Episode to write about!!

The next posts contain verbatim accounts of each of my interviews.
I request my regular readers(all the 3 or 4 of them) to stop swearing and screaming. Think of the greater good guys! Of the next generation of MBA-aspirants who scan the internet for articles like this. (I confess... a month ago, I was truly dying for a blog about GD/PIs.)
Anyway... As I forge ahead, I leave you the wise words from that one hit wonder wonder Chetan Bhagat...

Four-calls-someone.
"What follows is not a guide on how to clear interviews or how to convert them. It is just an account of how F***ED up life can get if you don't think straight."
--- R@hul

The Written Summary

2009-03-28T15:21:00.001+05:30

I am no Ekta Kapoor. I know the patience limit is hit when I see no comments on any of my blogs even after 2 months. So, by public demand the thick gray paste of brevity will be applied generously to this post.

NMAT: (Round 4)No matter how hard you sit there and try to deny it, it won't go away. This exam mocks at you. It points its stubby, grimy fingers and says 'ha ha'. And you are transported. 10 years back in time. A small wooden desk. A small piece of graphite HB pencil between your XXL fingers. Yes. You are in fact writing the seventh standard school entrance exam. And yes, you are crying for your mother. For those heavenly after-exam puris in the tiffin box which she nestles in her arm. But the others around you are intently answering questions like....... 1400*555/70+35% of 35000 = ? And you realize the truth. The Wachowski Bros must surely have written NMAT right before they developed the concept of The Matrix. I am not joking. The entire Quant section had questions exactly like that above. Of course, to protect themselves from public mockery, we weren't allowed to take the papers out of that hall.

XAT: (Round 5) The perfect MBA entrance paper. I have never seen such a brilliantly set paper in my life. The sectional balance. The time constraints. Beautiful. Really. If only I didn't hafta hear an MMTS train go by every 20 minutes, my paper would've gone splendidly. Oh well... No excuses. [Edit: On hindsight, XAT was the best paper of the MBA season 2008]

FMS: (Round 6) Suppose you were a freakin' Mechanic asked to dismantle a nuclear weapon and then to reassemble it in 5 minutes. What would you do? That's right... Hit it 4-5 times. And die. That seemed to be the intention of the University of Delhi. Population control. A billion questions and a few minutes to answer them and they want a bloody sectional performance too. What is it with these Delhi-ites huh?? Freakin Martians I tell ya. Freakin Martians.

Caught SNAP-ping

2009-02-23T20:30:00.001+05:30

Round 3: SNAP

My spies had informed me that this battle involved lotsa female warriors. So I extra-polished my armour and sword the night before. Ahem… precautionary measures you know. But, as I reached the battlefield, the sight was so surreal and confusing that only 2 possibilities could explain what was happening.
A. I had accidentally stepped into a fashion show in progress.
B. I was one of the 20-odd stags in a couples-only pub whose theme for the day was ‘education’ and all the other caribou were locking horns (read: arms) in nervous (read: amorous) excitement.

Luckily the waitress-in-charge seated me at the top-right corner of the room. The only things in my field of view was a flaky white-washed wall and a broken glass window that gave me a bird’s eye view of dirt on the wall of the adjacent building. I say luckily, because, I fought this battle remarkably well.

Expectedly, I got a call from SIBM. I am not surprised. Behind every man's success is a woman... I mean that quite literally... Because if they're out in front of ya, failure is imminent.

Coming Next: NoMATter Required...

Ay! CATaramba!!

2009-02-23T19:45:00.001+05:30

Round 2: CAT

As this 150 minute battle began, my insides and my outsides went as calm as a veteran cardiac surgeon’s fingers. You know why? Look below....

Section A... Quantitative Ability.. 25 Qs... 4 Marks per Q... 100 Marks
Section B... Data Interpretation... 25 Qs... 4 Marks per Q... 100 Marks
Section C... Verbal Ability.......... 40 Qs... 4 Marks per Q... 160 Marks

By Toutatis!! Verbal section had 40 solid questions. IIFT be damned, this was gonna be MY CAT! Sure as hell, I cruised through the verbal and quant like the ladybird in the Honda Car ad. But the little girl did not rescue the ladybird. She squished it. Maybe not… but I did hear some squishing sound inside my stomach as I reached the DI section. A strong psychological fear of this section disoriented me and the skilled surgeon had to hack at quite a few arteries using his scalpel. (The jury is out on this one till Jan 9th 2009. I’ll know then if the patient survived. Edit: 16th Feb 2009. The patient is barely alive... We managed to salvage 3 calls out of this operation. SPJain, MDI and IMT.... :-) )

Coming up: Caught SNAP-ping.

IIFthar Party

2009-02-23T17:11:00.003+05:30

Round 1: IIFT

I was told only bravehearts survive this one. Yet I charged ahead. It was after all the beginning of my crusade. I was young and hot-blooded. I actually smiled when the bell rang and thought, “Let the games begin.” How was I to know?

What followed can be summed up in an oft heard Bush-ism... Shock And Awe.

Section 1(Reasoning) -- 32 Qs - 0.8 Marks per Q - 25.6 Marks
Section 2(Quant) -------- 27 Qs - 0.7 Marks per Q - 18.9 Marks
Section 3(DI) ------------- 26 Qs - 0.8 Marks per Q - 20.8 Marks
Section 4(RC) ------------ 12 Qs - 0.8 Marks per Q - 9.6 Marks
Section 5(VA) ------------ 23 Qs - 0.7 Marks per Q - 16.1 Marks
Section 6(GK) ------------ 30 Qs - 0.3 Marks per Q - 9 Marks

Tick-tock tick-tock. I could not stop staring at this table on the first page. The numbers… the marks… Even Ishaan Awasti would’ve been proud of the highly synchronized dance numbers that these numbers put up for my benefit. In those 120 mins, I probably bested the swear-word frequency record I set while watching KANK.

Expectedly, I wasn’t shortlisted for the GD/PI… And thank goodness for that!

Coming Next: Ay! CAT-aramba!

CATatonia.... (EPISODE I)

2009-02-23T15:30:00.000+05:30

As you are all (.i.e. the dozen, patient, long-suffering readers of my blog) fully aware, these days, my posts begin with an apology for my prolonged absence and end with a promise of a comeback. But the coming few posts are definitely gonna make it worth your while. You will all get an exclusive one-on-one with my MBA-aspiring alter-ego who managed to write the 15 million MBA related exams available for public consumption in India.

This year(Strike 3... the year 2008), I wrote IIFT, CAT, XAT, SNAP, NMAT and FMS. But in spite of overwhelming public demand, I skipped JMET. Why? Apparently, the IITs don't appreciate the skill involved in MANAGING 4 years of rave parties, college politics, cultural events and computer games along with a 6 point GPA. They only want 7 pointers. And the consequences? Come on.... everyone knows the potency of an uncontrolled, unchained maggu. Maggus, by definition, love numbers and statistics. So, whether from IIM-A or IIT-B, they ultimately form the number-crunching backbone of Merill Lynch or Lehmnan Bros and successfully engineer(no prizes for guessing).... A GLOBAL RECESSION! Yipee! So... damn the IITs!

Pathetic, I know, and yet so true.
Anyway... I seem to be digressing.... I'll begin with MY CAT-tales...

Coming Next: IIFThar party.

Tag-gored

2009-01-02T16:10:00.001+05:30

The ever 'vetti' voman(sic) has tagged me on this... So here it goes.

YESTERDAY -->
Your oldest memory
The positively(err.. negatively) horrid smell of a dead dog as I walked to my LKG classroom. Yes... 'Tis true. I have been scarred for life. I will either turn into a serial killer stalking dogs and killing them in solitary corners.... or I will soon form a death metal band and sing about dying, suicide and murder... The band would be so much cooler though.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
1998. A foggy night and a massive wall of of excavated earth, piled 30 feet high and almost 200m long. Yours truly and his friend parked their cycles at the bottom and began the adventurous task of climbing this. They simply wanted to see what was on the other side. This Jack-Sparrow-ish streak still runs in me. So, all the ladies who are attracted to men of adventure, I'm your guy. (tch tch.... how desperate can I get... eh?)

TODAY -->
Your first thought today morning
Brrrr.... It's cold.
Hmm.... Need more sleep.

If you built a time capsule today what would it contain?
I've got different answers for this one.
A. If we're burying the capsule so that its never found: Every SINGLE living creature related to Aaj Tak. If you happen to be one of 'those' kind who actually wants me to explain this... GET INTO THE CAPSULE!
B. If we're burying the capsule to be dug out sometime in the future: A DVD of the movie 'Ultraviolet'. I figure the IIIrd World War would've happened by then and the radioactive food/water would've caused us enough brain and/or eye damage that FINALLY.... finally we'd begin to appreciate this.... this abomination disguised as a movie. Check out this guy's review and this one too. You'll understand reason for my grief.

TOMORROW -->
This year
Sitting across the table from Prannoy Roy giving him an interview on how I saved millions of lives by burying the producers of Aaj Tak in a fictitious time capsule.

What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?
Showing this blog post to Geeta... my hot personal assistant... especially my answer to the '.... 10 years ago?' question. Psst... She is one of the attracted-to-men-of-adventure types.... wink....(tch tch... still so pathetically desperate... eh?)

Word Play

2008-12-26T17:50:00.004+05:30

I simply loved this one.....

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
---- Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx

PS: I am allegedly 'preparing' for the multitude of MBA entrance tests since November 1st. This fiasco will be all over Mid-Jan 2009. The Juvenile will blog big-time after that.

A future called Radhika

2008-10-14T17:50:00.001+05:30

Hi. An old friend of mine wanted me to tell his readers stuff about myself. God knows for what reason! This had better reflect nicely on me Rahul…!! (glares with mock anger).
Ok. My name is Radhika. My friends call me The Radical!! ‘Cause I’m so rebellious like, you know. I wore this black nail polish and black tee, black jeans and black shoes to school once. The whole thing cost about 4000 bucks I guess... but it was worth it. All the teachers were shocked! Hehe. I’ll be finishing my +2 next year . I get good grades most of the time. And I play great basketball. I usually come home late from school ‘cause my mom is sooo busy with the neighbouring aunties. They are involved in some food and old clothing kinda work for underprivileged kids. And every day, mom either goes to that slum or to the salon to get ready for the weekly committee meetings. So, Rani, our 15 year old maid welcomes me home daily. But I don’t really stay long. Come on yaar. There are, like, 3 new restaurants opening every week, and my friends and I are, like the unofficial hangout-critics of my city. Besides, if there’s no new eat-out to visit, we all hang around in Café Mocha and check out guys. Hehe. But I get back home before my dad comes. That’s at about 9 30PM. ‘Cause he’s promised a car for me as soon as I finish my +2 board and I’m maintaining a good impression (wink). That reminds me. My friend crashed her car last Tuesday while I was in it…!! It was, like, oh my god, scary. But very thrilling. Hehe. And so sad, y’know. ‘Cause all my friends used to visit the mall every weekend in that Accent together. Sigh… Anyway, now, her boyfriend has to take us. But hey… I don’t buy stuff, like, every time we go there. I just pick up new shoes or a new cd if I really feel like it. That’s all. Oh ya… Her boyfriend has an iPhone y’know… and I stare at it so much, he probably thinks I’m hitting on him. Hehe. My fone is so old y’know. 1 whole year with an N73M. Kya karein. The troubles of my life. When my mom gets her iPhone 3G, she’s gonna give me her N95. But yuck! I hate second-hands. After shopping last weekend, my dad took us to this new place for dinner, it was a theme restaurant. A jungle safari with flames everywhere and the waiters dressed like Shikaris . They served food in big bowels and we had to drink water from flasks like in a jungle. It was sooo cool. Of course, it was pretty expensive. And the food was weird. I made dad order some takeaway from McD after we came out of there.

“In India, I found a race of mortals living upon the Earth, but not adhering to it, inhabiting cities, but not being fixed to them, possessing everything, but possessed by nothing” ---- Apollonius Tyanaeus

“Apparently, that race is now host to a parasite called Artifice. Hosts die. Gradually.” ---- Rahul

Reservation for 'humble servants' of the nation?

2008-10-12T17:03:00.001+05:30

The most unbelievable sight that the author of this blog saw while travelling on a bus in the East Godavari district in Andhra Pradesh, India.

Strangers

2008-10-03T13:42:00.002+05:30

I wrote this a long time ago. In college. Ancient history. A sadist was ingraining thermodynamics into a bunch of anti-pyretic students. And I suffered a stroke of inspiration(Read: destitution). If you had been there, you’ll understand the reason why the story is so morbid.

STRANGERS
She sat on the bench on Platform number 5. She knew that her future was hopeless. She loathed the very nature of what she was about to do. It seemed so unnecessary, such a waste of… well… everything. Her wristwatch glowed 2:15 AM. The overhead speaker blared out an announcement. “Your attention please. Train No. 2301, Chandigarh Delhi passenger will arrive on platform number 5 at 2:40 AM.” She looked at the speaker sadly. She was never going to be on that train. She relished that fact. She opened her handbag and took out a pack of chewing gum and put one in her mouth. She waited.

A group of teenagers, probably DU students descended the over-bridge, singing and swearing. They looked at her. Not because she was attractive. Not because she looked pale and strangely serene. No. She was both. But they looked because she was the only human in sight on the platform. Then they walked past her and set down their luggage some distance away. It was the night of Thursday, Feb 29. A weekday that guarantees uncongested trains and platforms. 10 minutes later, a few families arrived. She looked at everyone arriving through narrowed eyes. Like a lioness stalking a herd. Or a gazelle looking at a pride. It was 2:27 AM.

A man walked down the over-bridge. He was limping a little on his right foot. But he was not in pain. His eyes glowed like coal-fire. His eyes caught hers for a second. She was staring at him. Her eyes showed a flicker of recognition. Or was it satisfaction? He walked towards her. When he was 10 feet away from her, she got up and went over to the water fountain. He didn’t stop. He walked up to her bench and sat down. He stared at her as she washed her hands and drank, the water gulps visible in her throat. It was 2:32 AM. She finished and looked at her watch. ‘8 minutes to go’ she thought. He continued to stare at her as she walked over to the bench and sat on it. She did not glance at him even for a second. After 5 minutes the train started arriving. He looked over her head at the engine light and then asked her “Hi… Is that the Chandigarh passenger?” She gave a little smile and thought “This is it. He’s the one.” He smiled back curious at her smile. It was 2:38AM. With rapid movement, she took at knife out of her bag and slashed it across his shoulder and neck. He howled and jerked away. People turned to look at them. She stood up, lifted the knife over her head and using both hands, brought it down right into his chest, over his heart. He screamed. There engine blew its horn. No one heard him. But, they felt his scream. She looked at them and said something. The railway announcement drowned her out. The shell-shocked teenagers came to life and started to run towards her, towards the approaching train. She still looked attractive, with the bloodied knife in hand and grotesque. As the engine came closer, they slowed down to shield their eyes from the engine’s glaring light. When the engine passed them and they opened their eyes, she was gone. The train stopped. They looked into the compartments. They could not find either her or the man’s body. It was 2:40 AM.

Both were found later. On the track, under the train. No motive was discovered. She and the man were strangers. Strangers in this strange world.

Citizen Kaun?

2008-08-22T16:54:00.002+05:30

August 15th 1947. Independence Day. It means different things to different people. Just like the word independence.

One weird guy woke up at midnight, bought a entry ticket to the Red Fort, climbed to the top and said things like “Long years ago, we made a tryst with destiny…. blah blah… and India discovers herself again.” Another guy, a kid, wore a white shirt with blue flaps (Edison House rules!), white shorts and white shoes and tried to imitate the Travolta-in-Greece like IDIOT* in front of him. Of course, I have to narcissistically conclude with me (R@hul) in the present (2008). I woke up late, to the cochlea-annihilating ring of a phone, picked it up and what I heard made my eyes as wide as saucers and my lips as curved as The Joker’s(viz. Heath Ledger’s).

No. I didn’t win a 10 day 11 night vacation on Star Cruises. But close enough. It is thus…. Once upon my grandpa’s age ago, a man had fought against an authority (which liked evening tea, biscuits and cricket – The British) with his silent protest. He won his war on August 15th 1947. 61 years later, on the same day this year, I won my 22 year struggle against a similar albeit tougher authority (which also liked free chai, free biscuits and cricket matches – The Govt of India). Hear me out completely. I have finally…. sniff… (author wipes his tear-stained cheeks on his left sleeve)….. I have finally been recognized as a citizen of India!!!

Folks… Of all its children till date, I am Mother India’s most-unwanted. My existence has been as graciously acknowledged as Bush accepted that he f***ed up in Afghanistan. I’m not exaggerating. Even as careful a document handler as my ex-banker mom accepts that my Birth Certificate was probably made of paper recycled from rejected cow feed. I knew then… My road to universal adult franchise would be exactly like the stretch from Borivali to Bandra after a Mumbai monsoon. It was no cake-walk getting a 2 wheeler driver’s license. Read THIS to understand why. To get my PAN card, I had to secretly get an engineering degree and then join a famous IT company and stash my PAN card application amongst 30 other regular normal children of India. Only then was it overlooked by the that white dhoti-ed, betel-red lipped, topi wearing Govt.And my passport… oh boy…!! Remember Zidane’s face after 2006 World Cup final? I’ve had that expression for the past 2 years. I hold the Guinness for filling the max number of valid passport applications (four) with different addresses within the shortest time (2 years) and still not having a valid passport till date. As a veteran, I can tell you that filling up the form is the easy part. Then comes the exhaustive list of documents to be enclosed with the application (including the dreaded address proof). Due to a banjara lifestyle, I never held an address valid for more than a year. Govt of India insists that this translates to me into a passport-unworthy criminal. In any case, the A.P state EAMCET-like choice (answer 2 Qs out of 8 and pass) of documents was of no use. I had to choose one mandatory document out of the 14 and the only thing I was eligible for in this life or the next was the Voter ID card (EPIC). I applied for the “Free home delivery EPIC by Govt of AP” card... 2 months passed… 6 months. No sign of the EPIC or the Govt of AP on my doorstep. Then, one day… on our I-Day, I got the call. My sister’s passport-procurement agent (another story there) discovered my rotting EPIC in a moist-walled, 0-watt bulb-ed narrow corridor in (guess where?) a Mandal Revenue Office!!!

Irony No – 1: Rahul has no intentions of leaving Mother India in spite of her step-motherly treatment.
Irony No – 2: The entire passport fiasco is being borne by Rahul just so that he can write GMAT and join… the ISB in Hyderabad. Multiple irony there.
Irony No – 3: And the grand finale….. Rahul’s EPIC was intended as documentary evidence that he was born, alive and living at a certain address. It should suffice to say that the legendary Murphy himself typed the address on Rahul’s EPIC.

* Don’t assume I use the word IDIOT lightly. I’m pretty sure this kid was born deaf and had no idea what the school drummer’s function was. This damned anti-Achilles was also born with high density carbon-steel plated heels which tried to murder my legs every year during the march past.

Gautami and The Rain

2008-08-18T00:06:00.000+05:30

6:50 pm (1850 IST, 4S3-02 TCS, 24 km from Ground Zero): I poked at the keyboard and toyed with the mouse impatiently. 7 o clock sure came lightning fast in the mornings, especially when I was in school. That evening, it seemed to have lost its way after 6:40. I’d already told the project manager in the afternoon that I had an appointment at 8 o clock and had to leave at 7 sharp. He had lowered his head and nodded his assent so generously that it took me quite a while to realize he was sleeping. Heavy lunch, middle age and 3:00 pm. Anyhow, 1 hour, I had calculated, was more than enough to reach my destination. Even in Hyderabad’s lane-driving-is-for-the-blind traffic. 6:53 pm. There was a low rumble. True, I was hungry, but the noise was from outside. The generator kicking in to ensure I had AC for the remaining 7 minutes? Fat chance. The rumble rose steadily. Higher and higher. I whirled around to see my manager looking outside our 4th floor window at the source. He slowly turned towards me, grinned wide and asked me, “So, how will you go now?” I looked out. I understood then why he grinned. I grinned back at him, thinking, “you smug little !@&#”.
IT WAS RAINING.
On any other day, these 3 words would have made me run around in circles and chase my own tail. The Romans had been generous. 365 days in a year is a lot. Apparently Mother Nature didn’t agree. She had to say hello on the very day I was to meet Gautami. I picked up my bag, leapt down the stairs to the ground floor and… Oh alright! I slowly huffed and puffed down the stairs stopping at every floor to catch a much needed cotton-lungful of breath. Ting! “Lobby floor. The time is 6 57 pm. Have a nice day.” said the elevator-voice. My elevator companions (2 good-looking girls, I noticed) smiled at me and then at each other. That, believe me, was that day’s high note. Everything from there went downhill. There was a huge crowd jostling at the entrance. That noise from the tinted window hadn’t prepared me for what I saw. It was raining not just cats and dogs but the entire cast of Animal Farm.
7:00 pm (1900 IST, Lobby floor TCS, 23.8 km from Ground Zero): A rainy Friday doesn’t change much in 3 minutes. Jagged lightning. I turned skywards. Fine. You want to play. Let’s play. I tightened the shoulder straps of my bag. 3 2 1 and I stepped out. 4 seconds later, I was wet. At the gate, I spotted an auto with difficulty and got in. 3 people in the back and 2 on either side of the driver. Yes, Indians are highly accommodative. As the auto chugged along, the 3 girls in the back (I’m unaware of their looks) giggled as the inevitable raindrops made their way into the auto once in a while. I managed a smile. I liked the rain. A flashy rain-washed Toyota Innova went past us. Of course, splashing into a puddle. I hate Toyota. My T-Shirt and jeans greedily had their fill of mud flavored H2O. Sigh. Like I said, downhill all the way.
7:10 pm (1910 IST, Hi-Tech City Junction, 23 km from Ground Zero): A crossroad with amber blinking in all directions. For Hyderabadi traffic, the color amber has always meant slow down to 1st gear, look left, then right, wait until a pedestrian decides to cross the road and then.... run him over. Vehicles hurtling across roads to reach the nearest pubs (It’s Friday, remember?). Glistening rain-washed roads that rival Monaco's F1 track. And yours truly... trying to cross the road. Morbid entertainment for the Rain God? Whatever. I reached the other side with my heart doing at least a 300 bps. I ducked under the awning of HDFC ATM which was already home to 30 odd IT Oruncles, Wimpros and Deloitterers. I imagined hearing Gautami’s shrill voice and shuddered. At that instant, a Toyota Innova stopped and a voice said the magic words “Punjagutta?” Perhaps, several others sensed the magic too. But eventually, the rain and my constant rib kicking managed to dislodge the software softies from the Innova’s doors. Hah! And we were off. It was a new car with a new driver. As we waded across lakes, ponds and even a waterfall that had formed on the road, I looked out of the window. Motherly Maruti WagonRs, fatherly Ford Fiestas, hen-pecked Hyundai Accents, and even a Madame Mercedes. All of them were gurgling water... The rain God had reached up to their necks. But, the sun-tanned Tata Safari, high-heeled Honda CR-V leapt from puddle to pond in a graceful ballet leaving the pedestrians wet with emotion. Literally. Quite a number of these pedestrians had been demoted from 2 wheels to 2 feet after waving good-byes to their sinking Splendors. I managed to change the SIM card from my new yet-to-be-proven Nokia N95 into my old dropped-into-a-water-bucket-twice Nokia 2600 while smirking at people whom my Innova purified with sacred splashes of gravel flavored H2O. I love Toyota.
7:45 pm (1950 IST, Punjagutta Junction, 15 km from Ground Zero): 2 flyovers crisscrossed overhead. Last year’s monsoon had flattened one of them. Against all odds, the beaver-like Roads & Buildings dept had it rebuilt in time for this monsoon. I got out of the cab and walked under the flyover, shielded from Mother Nature. Kishore Biyani’s Hyderabad Central came into view. Surely, his school English teacher had dozed off after “Make hay”. I crossed the road and frantically looked for a means of transport. The sight that greeted my -3.something powered vision made me feel like an intruder into the Amazon Rainforest. There were numerous watering holes (courtesy: Sewerage Dept of Hyd) swallowing slippers, shoes, pieces of thermocol, plastic covers and occasionally human feet. There was an unending line of animals (as big as Metroliners and as small as bicycled-kids) on a ghostly safari through the incessant downpour. Sigh. They honked, roared, screamed, swore but didn’t move. My 30M water-resistant Titan glared an angry 7:55 at me. There was only 1 option left. Forrest Gump. I ran. Everything was a blur. For everyone else too, I was blur. A green-t-shirted, dark-green-jeaned, flashy-blue-white-shoed blur. People waited on the pavements, under shop awnings till the Mother had mercy. Hah! Not today. I ran amidst those mechanical animals, those wet-skinned curses, the watering holes… and kept running. The road divider was like a dyke. Waves crashed over the top from the left lane to the right. Suddenly, I found an empty auto! Wait... Don't say 'God sent' yet.
Rahul: Secunderabad aate?
Autowallah: Idhar gaadi ka hilna hi mushkil ho raa… secunderabad kya hawa mein jaate?
Rahul: Aate ki nai bolo miyan. Fizul ke baata nakko.
Autowallah: Acchi baat hai, baitho.
Rahul: Kitna lete? Meter pe 60 hota nai?
Autowallah: huhuhahahahaaa…. (Read: Robbery under progress)
Rahul: Hmm… Accha meter ka 1.5 times detun… chalte?
Autowallah: Teen sau(300) letun.... chalte?.
%#%$%#^%$#^#*!

I continued to run. The Nokia 2600 rang suddenly.
Sis: Hello?
Rahul (huff-puffing): Ya.. bolo…
Sis (angrily): How long will you take? (threateningly) If I don’t reach Gautami…
Rahul (splashing 5 litres of water onto an old lady nearby): No… (huffing) I’ll reach soon… I’m 5 minutes away.
Sis (still angry): Come fast no..! Can’t you take an auto or something?
A pause. (Rahul’s rare, momentary loss of words.)
Sis: Hello? Still there? Move…!
Rahul: Ya ya....

8:10 pm (2010 IST, Anandnagar Colony, 10 km from Ground Zero): I reached home, directly got into the waiting auto(that my resourceful sister managed to secure) and covered the remaining distance in peace….. or as much of it that my sister let me have during that 50 minute ride. Anyhow, Gautami hadn’t left. In fact, for the first time in its history, the bloody Gautami Express(railway anouncement pause) from Secunderabad (pause) to Kakinada (pause) scheduled to depart at(pause) 9(pause)15 left 20 minutes late.

Smart Alec once said “When Murphy and Mother Nature are tag team partners, send your Lady Luck into the ring.” Unfortunately my Lady Luck was sipping tea and sharing a joke with Alec. The theme was surely Yours Truly.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter

2008-08-17T23:06:00.004+05:30

Just finished 'Hannibal' by Thomas Harris.
Dr. Lecter. Gentleman, Genius... and of course... Cannibal.
Scared the living hell out of me.

Word of advice: Safer to watch the movie(Starring Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster). The book forces you to look inside the doctor's head, which is, believe me, as scary as hell. Literally. (hmm... notice the lethal pun here). (Another pun in the pun.... damn.. Make me stop.)

The comeback

2008-08-06T15:12:00.000+05:30

Pre-Post warning from the author: If you are an emotional girl (a.k.a. not Rahul’s type) or a sensitive guy (a.k.a. non-straight) you have 2 options, (a) Hit the next blog link that I’ve arranged in collaboration with blogger.com or (b) Go directly to the Summary at the end of the post.

I lost her sometime during October 2007. The two month search for a reason although intensely investigative led to an intestine wrenching dead-end. She was gone and it was completely my fault. I had to accept that, adapt to that and live on. I had to. Period. Chance events, completely unrelated ones even, sometimes reminded of her. Every free second I had, I thought of her. But there weren’t enough seconds. Someone said it gets easier to forget with time. And to heal. It was ironic. She’d left because I didn’t have enough time for her. But futility, they say, is invisible to oneself. And so, I never gave up hope. One day, I knew she would be back. One day.

And she did. After 8 months spent in a hazy fog of unknowing, unfeeling, I found her. And I owe it partly to Microsoft. Yes, THE big bucks Billy’s corporation. You see, I had actually known where she was all the time. Yet, the urge to talk to her, to listen to her never came. Perhaps, I was waiting for a signal. And Microsoft was the traffic cop who waved his green lighted baton at me. It happened rather unexpectedly. I was at work and had upgraded my MS Office to Office 2007. I opened Word and started typing. Suddenly the long neglected thought hit me. I stopped. Then, my fingers slowly did a CTRL + A and then a DEL. Soon, other words began to flow onto the screen. Words that had never seen daylight or cubicle-light. Words that lay shivering in the darkness of my mind. Suddenly, the chatter around me seemed annoying. So, I stopped typing. And with the image of my would-be action and its consequences clear in my mind I smiled.

That was three days ago. Today, as I write these words, she smiles back at me. I’ve brought her back. She is with me now. This sounds like an oft told tale. A tale of lost love. Doesn’t it? Well ya, it is. It is a tale of my love for words. It is the tale of the return of my desire to blog. And I’m relishing it.

(In summary, a sizeable shrapnel of my sarcastic self that seems to have subtly survived several months in solitude is seductively suggesting that surrender to it is the sole solution. Therefore, as clichéd as it may sound, I’ll still say it. “Stay tuned, there is more to come shortly.”)

Post-Post(sic) warning from the author: If you think I was being serious or will ever be, please refer to the blog title.

Transition

2007-10-25T14:02:00.000+05:30

To see but not look.
To hear but not listen.
To touch but not feel.
To talk but not think.

To find the noise outside,
Growing stronger each second.
To hear the silence inside,
Growing sharper each day.
To lose the ability to pretend,
A belief that this is real.

This bitter knowledge.
It's difficult to face,
That words have no meaning.
And thought has no place.

When you walk a narrow path,
Between reason and death,
If you know the casuality,
It's so damn painful.
To silence clarity.

Even for an instant.....

To CAD or not to CAD

2007-09-24T19:30:00.000+05:30

I desperately want to say a 4 lettered profanity. But I shall maintain the self-imposed decorum of my blog. Oh f*** it all!! F***. F***.(Censored by author's conscience).

Folks, I'd like to tell you all a story. A story of a boy with glasses and unkempt hair. No... not Harry Potter. @#$@^ Go to JKRowling's blog if you want his story. Obviously I'm referring to ME. Long long ago, when I was a mechanical engineer, I used to make Computer Aided Design software like AutoCAD and ProE beg for mercy. I used spit at them "Render parts...!! Join B-Spline curves..!!" Little did I know the anguish my words caused them.

Years later, I became a software engineer. Ya.. That is sad. But let's not digress. And my boss said "Rahul, you were a mechie (in your last avatar) right? Go make a design software." I turned around and there they were grinning at me, the hunger for revenge written all over them. ProE, AutoCAD and many others which I hadn't even heard of....... Now, like an aircraft mechanic, I'm required to repair these buggers and make them work better.

Folks, let me just conclude before I start crying. Everytime you click on that innocuous 'render' button, a million pieces of code run around to get executed. And I'm the traffic cop who gets trampled in the process.
Moral of the story is: If you really like Rahul... no wait... if you're not blind.... don't buy/use/encourage the use/sell design software. And never ever press the 'render' button.(Ok... This is quite obvious... when Rahul is sitting somewhere writing code for the 'render' button, you know better than to even touch it.)

It's 1925 here in IT world and this screen is literally begging for a baseball bat. Horrors await me beyond the ALT + TAB. Friends, give me courage to.... No.. wait a minute.... if you're really my friends.... just give me another job....

2007-09-09T18:08:00.000+05:30

I know its been a zillion years since I've blogged but these past 3 months have been very 'event'ful. I'll explain the apostrophes in another post. This post is about my work or rather what I do at work. Note: In whatever follows, the term 'work' has been ill-treated without referring wither a dictionary or a thesaurus.
Like every 1 out of 3 engineering graduates in India, I too, joined an IT company. After some quality time in this industry, I've come to one conclusion. It IS true that 1 in 3 engineers joins and IT company. But, my statistics(ok... my IT uncle's) prove that 30% of them don't work. Mental arithmetic leads to one question only. If they ain't working, then, what are 11% of India's engineers doing?

My big fat disclaimer: The following activities have done by a trained professional(ho ho... lethal pun here...). The readers are advised not to try them at their own workplaces. All companies hinted at herein are figments of my imaginations and any resemblence to your company, if any, is purely coincidental. Not convinced? Wanna sue me? Go ahead... I work in India's lowest paying IT major(oops... too much of a hint?). Three square meals a day in jail sounds like heaven to me.

Rahul's list of things to do at the workplace:
1. Bench Press: No no... I ain't talking gym lingo.... Au contraire. I love cholestrol high food, increased fat intake and heart attack. It's just that after joining, for 15 days minimum, your daily routine comprises of punching in at 1000 and sitting on benches in waiting areas till 1600 with an hour break for lunch. Objective? Don't look for one.
2. Structure based analysis and vocal appraisal of client side HR personnel a.k.a. flirting with the hot receptionists.
3. Corporate Social Responsibility: All IT companies encourage employees to take initiatives in societal issues like literacy etc. It is expected that office stationery be collected daily, taken home and distributed among school going brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and other literate relatives. Do it twice a day. Just a word of advice..... time your second visit with the stationery counter personnel's shift change. No..... This ain't called cheap.... it's called CSR.
4. Safety & Security: Everyday at 1100 and 1700, go around the building swiping every door with your ID card to check which areas are accessible to you. Do this with all the elevators as well. Hey... don't blame me... I am getting paid to do this.
5. Networking: All organisations highly recommend this. Use library computers to keep in touch with friends/colleagues at Sametime(hint?). In case the libcomps are occupied, stand approx 4 feet away from the guy and fidget around with your feet. It works.
6. Health at work: I know you don't wanna hear this..... but it's my duty. For good health,
drink as much water as you can and visit the restrooms. Just remember to visit different
restrooms to avoid the CCTV people from getting suspicious.
7. Visual C++: Apart from Greek and Latin, VC++ is considered the toughest language to learn. So, you know exactly what to say whenever your boss asks you what the hell are you upto.... Don't worry.... He's been there.... He'll get it....

Thus, in just one month, I've thought beyond the obvious avenues of 'work'. Yet, I've experienced certainity in just one thing. I still don't know why I'm getting paid.

I, NoMad

2007-05-16T02:09:00.000+05:30

There is a secret tragedy in my life. Well, not really a secret or a tragedy, but a rather strange circumstance in which I continue to find myself year after year. It sounds simple but believe you me, the experience is not so easy to deal with. Before the curious cats among you scratch my throat, allow me to elaborate:

"I AM A NOMAD."

No wait.....!!! Hear me out before you call 100 or 101.
I am now 21 and eligible to legally drink and drive(i.e. die). Over these 21 years I have lived in 7 different towns at 15 residences and been in 7 schools, 2 coaching institutes, 1 college and 1 university. That's means, on an average, I've lived about 3 years in a town, stayed 1 and 1/2 years in a house or residence and studied just 3 years in each school.

Incredible though it sounds, this is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Now, describing these remarkable, adventurous, crazy, 21 years will take another 21 years probably.(...or another post.) But I'd prefer to discourse on the effect this nomadic life had, on my thinking and behaviour.

Anger: It's easy not to be offended by anything anyone says, because, you know, that fella is gonna be there for the rest of his life saying things to people. You are movin out in a matter of months. Why bother getting offended, then arguing, possibly fighting, probably recieving a permanent scar on your face which has to be seen by many other people from many other places.
Love: It ain't gonna be permanent. That's guaranteed. So go ga-ga over girls easily and then snap out of it just as fast. Besides, relationships turn sour with time and proximity. So its better to enjoy the sweeter part of many different relationships than the hot and sour part of a single one, ain't it?
Friends: They are like Hide and Seek biscuits. Delicious - you'll love them. Addictive - you can never let go and like the name suggests, they hide(in the remote corners of the country) and you seek(in the remotest websites and communities on the www realm).
Language: Learn fast or.... learn fast. No options. And try to think in that language. Though it delays your dialogue, it really helps in..... well, showing that you are "a newcomer and could you please talk a little slower". There's just one thing to remember. You may have written Hindi for 5 years and read 'Premchand ki kahaniyan'. But talking hindi is truly a whole new ballgame.
People: You learn to accept everyone. Right from the smiling mine worker(who is showering coal dust all over your feet as he drinks his chai next to you) to the misguided motorist(in the city traffic who believes a silencer is an unnecessary payload on his aerodynamically designed bike which, God Forbid, cannot go below 60 kmph or it'll explode!!!). Seriously, you almost feel like they are a part of your imagination. Here one second and poof.... gone the next. Just like that bloody motorist.
Ethics and morality: In Rome, do what Romans do. Whether it's setting your friend's assignment on fire because he's the only one in the class to do it or chasing eagles' shadows on the ground no matter how stupid it looks or sounds just because all your friends do it during lunch break.
Sport: It definitely has to be the one thing that can be found everywhere in India. No, not cricket. No, not football or badminton either. Nope, chess boards also are rarely found. Yes...?? What was that? Yesssss...... Cycling. It can be done in any weather(Horrifying Hyderabadi Heat or Relentless Jamnagar Rainstorm) on any road(Rain filled mudpath or concrete flyover). If you don't have a cycle, borrow your friend's or the mess workers(ya, I did that twice) or your junior's or steal your neighbour's or your kid cousin's...... the sources are truly endless..... all you have to do is bend your conscience and the occasional barb wire a li'l.... that's all.

Here's a list of all the places I've lived in:
1. Vizag - Opp BHPV Main Gate, Abode of Deepthi and the Buffalos
2. Vizag - Doctor Scorpion's House
3. Vizag - City Towers, The castle with a sewage moat.
4. Vizag - Divya Shakti, between the Divine Superpowers.
5. Jamnagar - Above Hell's Kitchen, beside Raja Jam Saheb's Palace
6. Jamnagar - Reliance Greens
7. Hyderabad - Base Camp 112
8. Hyderabad - 2130 to 0330 Slumber House
9. Hyderabad - The 2 Month House
10. ISM Dhanbad - Room 252 Opal, Halfway house
11. Vijayawada - Summer Sauna Resort
12. ISM Dhanbad - Room 33 Opal, With attached bathroom
13. ISM Dhanbad - Room 133 Diamond, With failing Quartz alarms.
14. ISM Dhanbad - Room 262 Topaz, The Riot Residence
15. ISM Dhanbad - Room 110 Emerald, With the Mango Menace
16. Kakinada - Temporary terminal

Err.... by the look on your faces, it is obvious to me that an detailed post on these 16 locations is required ASAP. So, I shall endeavor to do so in my next post. Until then, let patience be your virtue, silence be your dialogue and isokronos.blogspot.com be your destination.

TAG 3... Please no more tags!!!!

2007-02-22T17:54:00.000+05:30

I believe I'm suffering from writer's blo(g)ck. For quite a while now. That hasn't stopped me from reading other's blogs and the result.... I've been tagged. So here goes.

5 THINGS ABOUT ME THE WORLD DOESN'T KNOW:
1. When I'm on my pc, 3 out 5 times you'll find me sorting mail into folders or organizing files on HD.
Reason: I have a Monica-ish streak embedded somewhere deep inside me. Take for example my mail. I have 3 different active mail ids. I - read or mark as read or delete or categorize into folders - every mail that enters the inbox. The "You have 12 new messages" ticker makes me uneasy. I don't know why I do this.
2. Ask me to speak in Telugu and I will do so very reluctantly.
Reason: I have almost completely lost the ability to form coherent sentences in my mother tongue. I mix either English or Hindi in it. When forced I have to restrain myself from blurting out telugu profanities that have become integrated into my Telugu due to my staying in a hostel(will blog about this another time).
3. When I have a cold or even a moderately high fever, don't expect to find any medicines at my bedside.
Reason: I dislike all medicines because I think - stupid as it may sound - that they make my immune system weaker. Also, I believe common colds and fevers get cured by themselves. I still do.
4. I always sleep with the fan ON.Reason: I simply can't sleep in complete silence. I find the ceiling fan's noise soothing. I need a fan's noise more than its mosquito driving ability or its wind generating ability. So, irrespective of the weather outside, my fan stays ON. In fact, since alarms never worked for me, my mom used to switch OFF the fan to wake me up in the morning.
Lastly, the strangest thing......
5. I love and hate water.
Here's how..... I hate getting my feet wet in bathrooms unless I'm taking a bath which is almost never. I also hate wetting my hands or face and carry a towel to dry off immediately after I finish washing them. On the other hand, I adore swimming or playing in the water on beaches. When I was a kid, I used to literally beg my dad to let me go into the water on the beach.

And now, I tag Raghavan, Krish, Nimbi and anyone else who read till the end.

TAG 2

2007-02-22T16:45:00.000+05:30

Another Tag post.... bear with me people. I have another one to post after this one.

Favorite Color: Blue.... Coincidentally, at school, I've been in the blue house from my class 1 to
class 7.
Favorite Food: Chicken Pizza. Any day, any time, forever.
Favorite Month: November.... My body's optimum performance temperature is about 24 degree Celsius..... Like Jason Bourne says about altitude and his running capability, "In such winter climatic conditions, at that temperature, I can sleep for 20 hours straight before noise starts to affect me."
Favorite Song(s): SOFT- Eternal by Evanescence, Immortal by Evanescence. HARD- Amerika by Rammstein, Mutter by Rammstein. Actually... I really love all the songs by Rammstein and Evanescence. Contradictory choice for fave bands eh? Go figure.
Favorite Movie(s): Very difficult to choose one- Shawshank Redemption, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Schindler's List, Nuovo Cinema Paradiso, The Usual Suspects, Sixth Sense.
Favorite Sport: Swimming... And I don't care if it ain't called a sport. I just love to swim.
Favorite Season: Bone Chilling Winter.... Obviously.
Favorite Day Of the week: Saturday..... Obviously.
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate.... I love the 'bordering on the bitter' taste of dark chocolate.
Favorite Time of Day: Sunrise..... Ironically I haven't seen it for about 2 years now.

8 CURRENTS
Current Mood: Sarcastic.... It's my permanent mood.
Current Taste: Mint.... I was chewing a Centerfresh 10 minutes ago.
Current Clothes: A 3 year old naturally faded Blue Jeans and 13 day worn Dark Blue Tantra T-Shirt with a big light blue R printed on it.
Current Desktop: Black desktop wallpaper that says "I love Ultra Death Metal"
Current Toenail Color: I'm a guy. But I firmly believe in equal rights for men and women. And so, I currently have on a vivid canvas of colors on both my toenails. I call it Nail Art and believe you me..... its gonna be the trendsetting new fad!!!!
Current Time: 2:54am.
Current Surroundings: A hostel room containing a table which is overflowing with novels, newpapers, old CAT material, freshly(although you can't see this) ironed clothes, cellphone, keys. Partially visible among this is a monitor, keyboard and mouse. A clothesline passes overhead with a bunch of clothes(some of whose origin I'm not certain), sweaters, jackets.... hey I just found my long lost towel!!
Current Thoughts: "Hmm.... Do I hear someone playing CS or is it just my ears ringing from the
loud music?"

6 FIRSTS
First Best Friend: Deepthi.... A platonic friendship which involved eating mud & chalk together and removing air from cycle tyres.... ah... the age of innocence.....
First Screen Name: rogerrahul
First Pet: A one legged crow in my Grandma's house when I was 7 years old. Well... It wasn't exactly a pet. Of all the crows that I used to feed dosas to in the courtyard, this one was the boldest and I used to give it larger pieces.
First Piercing: A pebble size hole in the middle of my palm. I fell from the Mango tree in my Grandma's house which was my abode thru age 6 to 8.
First Movie: SAAJAN starring Madhuri '32 teeth smile' Dixit, Sanjay 'Mafia' Dutt and Salman 'Black Buck hunter/ Jail evader' Khan. It was a 35 mm theatre (which at that time I called tube theatre.... no wait.... I still call it that.)

6 LASTS
Last Cigarette: That's one vice I still haven't got.
Last Drink: A week ago. SRIJAN 2K7. Almost a half bottle Vodka(White Mischief) before going to Zero's rock concert.
Last Car Ride: Dad's Esteem on the coast road. Last vacation. And I was driving. Yipeeee.....!!!!!!
Last Movie Seen: The Prestige starring Christian 'Batman' Bale and Hugh 'Wolverine' Jackman.
Last Phone Call: Nitin.... giving him bad news that we had to visit the project guide.
Last Book Read: In progress.... The Argumentative Indian by Amartya Sen.
Have You Ever Broken the Law: Let me think.....hmm.... ya.... about a gahzillion times.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: Never. Narrowly escaped arrest once, for rioting and organising road blocks during the Pooja Talkies riots...... Hehehe..... (I'm laughing now but I was scared shitless at that time.)
Have You Ever Been on TV: Nope..... been in the newspapers a couple of time though.
Have You Ever Lied: Never..... Of course, I define truth and lies very loosely.
Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn’t Know: Yes..... It was purely unintentional. We were in Chennai Citi center and I turned around very fast without looking and BAM... I collided with a girl and brushed her cheek. It was almost a kiss. Thank my stars, she wasn't with her boyfriend or brother or family.

4 THINGS
Thing You’ve Done Today: Scary - Accidentally laughed at RKD. I think he'll take revenge soon. Social Service - Bought Colgate toothpaste. At last.....after a stinking eternity..... guys in my wing will once again brush their teeth in the mornings.
Thing You Can Hear Right Now: Blink 182 - Adams Song.
Thing You Can’t Live Without: My one true love. Can't tell you her name. Without her, I'd cut myself open and bleed to death in the grief...... Ya right...!!!! What kinda stupid question is this? I guess the paper setter doesn't know me. I am fairly narcissistic. Or rather I love my life. I'm just too happy I'm alive to die for anyone or anything.
Thing You Do When You’re Bored: Play Minesweeper. No. Wait. I do all the time, not just when I'm bored. Of course, if I get bored of that, I play Solitaire. If I get bored doing that, I re-read my PGWodehouse the nth time.

4 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN TODAY:
1. ED Hall, Mech Dept where I spent a half hour waiting for a project guide who never showed up.
2. Dhaiyya as usual.
3. State Bank of India. Went to get a DD. Instead I got to watch the employees having their lunch for 2 hours(Oh wait.... That's another bloggable story)

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO
Seriously.....??? No one. I'm a dark and evil person who pretends to be Rahul. Only very rarely does the real Rahul come to the surface. In fact.... The Bible refers to me as Satan and the Puranas call me shaitan..... (grins evilly).

2 CHOICES
1. Black or White: Black
2. Hot or Cold: Cold.... So, what's your point.

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Understand Life.... No this isn't a snide remark. I just want the answer to one question. Why? Why do we exist? What is our purpose? Sure.... I can say I want a nice job, family, life. But all that won't figure in the big picture. Only the answer to this question will.

I now inflict this painful time consuming Tag on the following: sambarboy and krish

TAG 1

2007-02-22T09:28:00.000+05:30

Pre-Scriptum: I wrote this tag blog in the 6th semester. That's almost a year ago. Why am I posting this now? That's explained in the post scriptum.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18, line 4.Listed companies find it easy to sell further issues of their shares in the primary market.....I went mad in the library the last time.......
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.My room's door is open and there are 3 guys in the corridor staring at me probably thinking..... nothing. I do weird things all the time. They wouldn't raise an eyebrow whether I have my arm extended or I am dancing around naked.
3. What is the last thing you watched on tv?Shocking images of riots in Uzbekistan on BBC World. A woman was lying on the ground bleeding through her nose and instead of helping her the journalists were taking snaps like crazy.....Seriously....are they vultures?
4. Without looking, guess what time it is?Umm....4:00 am
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?Heyy.....4:15 am.....not bad.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?Silence.....Dead silence.....it's the freakin prep week afterall....and just 'cause I'm not studying doesn't mean others aren't.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?Apart from going to the mess.....I never step outside......unless of course it rains....which it did yesterday.....gale force winds carried raindrops like pellets and I went outside specifically to face the raw fury of the elements....
8. What are you wearing?I'm totally naked.....so if you wanna come see......you're most welcome....
9. Did you dream last night?Ya.....vividly........I was at a huge and wild party and a mind blowingly hot 30-something woman came onto me....and I was too stoned to resist.....egads.....!!!
10. When did you last laugh?Just 10 minutes ago....when my friend told me that his roomie jerked off on his bed...... aaaaahhhhhhh....
11. What do the posters on the walls of the room say?"Attitudes are contagious, is yours worth catching?" and "Deadlines amuse me." Both of which I feel certainly hold true....
12. Seen anything weird lately?Ya.....please refer Q11.....I was shown proof of that deed......aaaaaaaahhhhhh....
13. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?A job for the crazy-ass-sicko who is jobless enough to make this quiz.
14. Tell me something about you that i dunno.I take bath every 15 days. Of course if you were beside me, you'd know this.
15. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?I would make myself the world's dictator......that's the one and only change it needs to better itself.
16. Do you like to dance?Nah....unless I'm really drunk and don't know what I'm doing.
19. George bush.CFKU HMI...Kindly unscramble.
20. What will you call your first child?Priya if its a girl......Rahul II if it's a boy.....I just love my name.....and believe you me.....I'm conceited enough to do this......
21.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates? God remarks to an angel "Well.....well...lookee here....what do we have....." Says to me "Ahem....hello son, weren't you the one who thought he had me all figured out, the one with all the logic and reasoning and all kindsa crap? Well, you were absolutely right, I don't exist.... uhahahahaha.....see you piece of shit.....I can be sarcastic too.....Now get off my property..... the entry to hell is on the lane right next to that fiery soul eating dragon....."

Post-Scriptum: GOD fried my bloody motherboard because of the answer to the last question and I couldn't post this. Just today, I found this in the rubble of my hard drive.

My First Love

2007-02-15T10:57:00.000+05:30

This is either a poem or an ode,
Platonic love, yes, that's the word.
I was a mere boy, true,
But she was a fairy for sure,
Her hair, when it flew with the wind,
Her walk, gliding on air it seemed,
Her anger flared, Venus in fury,
And then, she melted, ever so slowly
It was the way she said my name,
Rahul, don't worry I'm fine.
Her eyes hinting a lingering smile,
Breathless, I felt like I'd run a mile.
Once, I made her cry,
Her tears, I thought I'd die.
She looked so weak and tender,
My only wish, to comfort her,
The way her hand felt in mine,
I was lost forever in time.
What I felt, I knew not then,
Now I do, It was an innocent heart's love.

Les events Extraordinaire de la vie

2006-12-04T09:03:00.000+05:30

Rather unfortunate but since my mother-board went overboard, I've had no resources to pen down le events extraordinaire happening in my life. Three events in particular, come to mind.

Event 1: I studied for the Energy Conversion Equipment sem exam with a candle as the sole light source 'cause the switchboard in a wing went up in flames. No, I'm not exaggerating and Yes the irony is quite laughable if my condition weren't so pathetic. Picture me, squinting at a steam turbine diagram in the candle light learning how to generate electricity using only water and right when something pierces my ivory skull, some stupid bug thinks its Icarus and POOF!!! FRIED GRASSHOPPER READY TO SERVE. Right in the middle of an erudite dialogue between my cranium and the book's author, I get plunged into darkness.
The Good News: I already had dinner and so, the ants did get to feed on the grasshopper - medium rare.
The Bad News: Goodbye B+/B and hallo C+. Waaaahhhhh.

Event 2: At the semester's beginning when RKD entered the class to teach RAC, I almost burst out laughing. At what? Many things. At his 2nd opportunity to break my spirit. At the ensuing 4 months of sadistic smiles and semester grades. At my inevitable fate. Sadism in Autumn was his speciality. But No. Not this time. I met my Nemesis again and I defeated Him. He will surely 'remember remember the 24th of November'. This blog post will be my last reference to Him. I do know He will try crushing me with a D on a silver salver but disappointment will greet Him when I accept it with a smile on my face reflecting the knowledge in my heart that I will never EVER see Him again. I can truly picture Him, 20 years from now, telling His grandchildren the story of the Houdini Boy who slipped from his clutches even after He tightened the manacles and chains Himself.
The Good News: I am going to clear RAC exam. Muhahahaha.
The Bad News: People whisper that RKD may be coming to teach next sem too!!! (Gasp...Gulp)

Event 3: K had started this Jeevan Rekha(volunteer blood donors) program here in college. So, yesterday, someone asked for A+ and off I went to a hospital to donate 300 cc worth RBCs. When I got there, I was literally amazed. Seriously, the conditions in hospitals in rural place("let's face it, its plain wilderness and Neanderthal land outside the campus ok!"), its incredible how a miniscule posse of doctors cum compounders cum self-appointed nurses cater to needs of a nation of 1 billion people. Agreed...they use cruder medicines and blunter scalpels but their efficiency is definitely super-high. This hospital was like a manufacturing unit inputted by parts in various conditions and outputting assembled components...!!!. Forgive the mechanical bent here....though I'm afraid I've acquired it permanently. Well the honest truth is I've always been and still am afraid of injections("No, I ain't a cry-baby and not another word out of you") and while RBCs exited my artery painfully, I mulled over the afore-mentioned matters to distract myself...Clever Me.
The Good News: Some Nirmala Devi got well 'coz of me. Yayy!!!
The Bad News: I'm still scared of needles. Why can't they use mouths for putting or taking out stuff from our bodies?

Now as I hear my friend outside gasping for air(Orkut = Air for him) and pen down these events on his PC, I cannot help but get excited about the events to come. Sem 7 flew by and left in its wake a rather bored yours truly. So, when a holiday tour thought crossed someone's mind, I intercepted it before it got erased and put it down on paper. By tomorrow, I'll shake the plan out of the paper into firm objective reality. For the curious and uninformed, here's the planned detour from hostel to home. Hostel - Agra - Mathura - Jaipur - Jaisalmer - Jodhpur - Mt. Abu - Home.

Look for my next blog 3000 kms and 15 days later.
Au revoir and happy holidays to y'all......

Post Scriptum: Lord Krishna's birth place scrapped. Not Temp(le)ting enough. Fathepur Sikri it is...!!!

(N)Oodles of Courage

2006-10-05T17:52:00.000+05:30

Lemony Snicket's - A Series Of Unfortunate Events. Its a fantas(y)tic movie about 3 orphans, inexplicable fires, man eating leeches and a secret society. And it starrs Jim Carrey. Now who doesn't love Carrey, the over-actor. Anyway, in the movie, Violet(the inventor girl) says "There is always something." Yes. No matter where you are, whatever the trouble you are in, there's always something that'll pull you through. And that's what this post is all about. Resourcefulness. The one trait that will get you through anything, famine, floods, earthquakes. Now I know you're thinking, "What the hell is this guy talking about? Has he finally, inevitably lost his mind? Or has he endured through one of the afore-mentioned calamities." Well, not quite. But equally catastrophic is staying back in the hostel during vacations, not having a mess and having to cook Maggi without a heater. Actually I plugged in the heater and 2 minutes later, it went Ka-put. Perhaps it didn't like being neglected for so long. Now although the auntie in the ad grins and says "Bas do minute" believe me when I tell you.....making Maggi requires lot of hard work, courage, persistence and resourcefulness. So take a pen and paper and read ahead......

MATERIALS REQUIRED:
1 Maggi Double Pack (Yes, though I look like a Somali famine victim, I eat a lot ok!)
1 Water Cooler (Luckily the one in the wing was working that day)
1 Spoon
1 Copper bottom vessel
1 Water heater (Relax, I never bathe, it was my friend's heater)
1 220V AC supply socket
1 Bucket (Just read ahead and all your doubts will be answered)
1 NOKIA cellphone (Nokia = reliability. Other makes are not as effective)

PROCEDURE:
A) The water heater is labeled with a safe water level zone. Measure the length from heater end to its safe level mark using the Nokia cellphone.
B) Fill the bucket upto the measured level(2 and 1/4 nokia lengths) with water from the water cooler.
C) Place the heater inside the bucket and plug it into the 220V supply. Allow water to heat.
D) Tear the Maggi pack using teeth(Don't be reluctant. God gave you teeth for this very purpose) and break the noodles into 4 parts. Put these in the copper bottom vessel and sprinkle the masala on the noodles evenly.
E) When vapours form over the water(=> right heating temperature has been attained) switch off the heater and gently place the vessel in the bucket. Ensure that just enough water enters the vessel to submerge the Maggi but the vessel remains afloat.
F) Stir the Maggi gently using spoon and switch on heater if vapours diminish.
G) After 4 minutes, test the softness of the noodles. If satisfactory(or otherwise), take out the vessel.

Piping hot Maggi is ready to serve.....!!!!!!!

PRECAUTIONS:
1. Do not drop the Nokia into the bucket. It has observed experimentally that the phone stops working after such treatment.
2. Do not measure the temperature of water by placing your hand. You may be electrocuted or have a NDE(Near Death Experience).
3. If too much water enters the vessel, the vessel will sink and the Maggi has to be scooped out of the bucket. This is a tedious procedure and should be avoided if possible.
4. The Maggi may look, feel and taste funny or gooey, but it is nutrition and fills your stomach. So it is advisable to shut your nose, ears and other facial orifices and eat it.

And that, my friends, is what resourcefulness is all about.

Post Scriptum: I had money in the ATM. But I was lazy and wanted to be resourceful(How STUPID.....!!!). So, I ate this Maggi made out of my sweat and toil(at least it tasted like sweat and toil) 2 times a day for 2 days. The next day, another friend of mine who stayed back found me weeping profusely over a noodle that had fallen on the ground. So fearing my mental health, he took me to a restaurant where I ate like a Jew just released from Buchenwald or Dachau. Let this be a lesson to all. Resourcefulness be DAMNED. Never believe what the movies say. It is a big fat lie. And sometimes it just might kill you.

The Gravest Sin Of All

2006-09-30T10:40:00.000+05:30

OK. That's it. I am officially suicidal. I stayed back last DP Vacation hunting for an internship. A guy opposite my room (inspired by me) also stayed back. Result, he went to Netherlands. Don't ask about me. This time too, I stayed back. If I got through CAT effortlessly, I'd be setting the juniors a bad example right? That's why. But what have my activities been for the last 7 days?

1. 10 new movies on my friend's PC.
2. Forrest Gump, Castaway and The Incredibles a second time.
3. Entire September's Hindu & Economic Times at one go.
4. Watching the lizard on my wall hunt down its prey.
5. Orkutting and Googling things like Godhra, Stalin.
6. Eating the same blighted HongKong Rice, Roti & Paneer Butter Masala day in and day out.

Then, today I realized one thing. Sometimes, humans can get so bored, they'd start doing things which they'd never sanely do, to keep away the boredom. No, I didn't run on the road naked, if that's what you thought. It came to be, that I started studying.............. YES. Your ears aren't playing tricks on you.

I, Rahul have committed the act of studying. There I said it.
Voluntary Studying Without Any Subsequent Examination The Next Day.

That's as close to suicide as I'll ever get. Let's see how long I'll survive on the edge.

"Anne Frank"-ly

2006-09-03T09:33:00.000+05:30

I am amazed that so many thoughts can occur to a 15 year old girl. After all, she has seen so little of life. On hindsight, as I look back at my life, 15 year old Rahul also thought a lot about life. But he wasn't so self-aware, self-sure. "Look at their eyes." Anne said when she saw children queued up before the crematories, and I couldn't help looking at their eyes. Helplessness stared back at me. Eyes that were resigned to their fate. Death or Freedom. Beyond caring.

I felt extremely bitter after I finished reading. Hatred welled up inside me. I don't know who this hatred was directed against. The Nazis for butchering people like animals, Hitler for his irrational hatred and inhuman annihilation of Jews or Anne Frank for showing and literally making me feel this deep an emotion. I don't really know.

I don't like this diary but there is no way I would've missed reading it.

A 'DAS'tardly poem

2006-08-04T08:33:00.000+05:30

The Bible says he's the devil,
The incarnation of pure evil.
When he bares his teeth in a malicious smile,
Grave suffering follows in a very short while.
No words, just sounds,
He sounds like a real good flutist.
No letters, just symbols,
You'd be convinced he's a cryptologist.
He looks at you and knows you haven't understood,
And that's what makes him feel really good.
Every semester, in and out,
He increases his supple count.
Whether its aaR Ay Cee or aycH eM Tee,
You can forget your bloody degree,
Coz I guarantee you its impossible to pass,
When you have a subject taught by R K DAS.

Production Technology

2006-04-05T08:34:00.001+05:30

A class that I love and hate
The professor, he always comes late
Once you are in, you can never get out
Scream or cry or shout
Sometimes, when people really want to die
They come to this class to try
On and on he goes, about lathes and tool life
So why you might ask, do I go amidst this strife?
Thats because, I need an attendance of 75 percent
Or my life will suffer a 1 year dent...

Memories of HOWRAH

2006-03-16T07:35:00.000+05:30

I've always loved train journeys. One of those rare ocassions when we get to see green trees for real and not in some TV ads for fertilizers. After one whole semester away at my univ, I went back home. And I wasn't alone. I was in the company of good friends. So it was truly an exciting trip.
Indian railways is typically portrayed as unhygenic and filthy. That is an image of yesteryears. Trains of today are fast, punctual and moreover relatively clean. If you didn't mind, you could spread a newspaper on the coupe floor and sleep. Fortunately though, we had reservations for the entire journey. We started at 11:25 pm sharp from Dhanbad by Shaktipunj Express and by 4:30 am we reached Howrah. After a brief 'brush', we went to Comesum(probably Bengali for 'come hv some'). This Comesum is part of a chain of restaurants in major railway stations that serve a wide variety of hygenic, delicious and cheap foodstuffs for the diverse Indian palates which pass through that terminal. By sheer coincidence we meet a senior that I knew from my Freshman year as an avid footballer who reached the ground ahead of all others and did warmup until we arrived. He was overjoyed at seeing us and treated us. Fine. Our connecting train was Falaknuma Express (dep - 6:00 am). With an hour on our hands we decided to cross the HOWRAH BRIDGE which was a 5 minute walk from the station.
As we exited the terminal, we were greeted by a morning with clear skies, chirpy birds and taxis, the evergreen waters of the Brahmaputra/Ganga/Damodar, the river of sorrow for once, reminding us of things that were farthest from its name. We stood on the bridge with the 'mishti' morning all around us and the Damodar flowing from under us and vibrated to pulsating rythm that suspension bridges are wont to generate. To the right as we gazed, the tint of rosy pink slowly faded into the glowing glazed ball of orange. The sun rose over the sillouette of the city, over the distant towers and apartment buildings, over the slums and the ghettos. All this we saw from the HOWRAH BRIDGE. A white topi interrupted this reverie. He was a bored policeman glad at the prospect of going home after his night shift. But before that, he wanted to know why we were standing idly as if waiting to plant a bomb. After a crisp explanation about our status as temporary tourists in this city, we waved a pleasant goodbye to him. Finally after more deep intakes of the still shivery cold air, we returned to the terminal with a morning raga in our minds. Ironically, all I have really retained of this 33 hr train journey are those 40 minutes on the HOWRAH BRIDGE which give a new meaning to the term 'suspended animation'.

A twitch in time saves nine

2006-03-15T16:32:00.000+05:30

My left eye has been twitching suddenly at odd times since the last 4 days. A friend of mine had the same problem but it went away. I was curious and did some googling. Here's what I found out:
A twitching muscle in the eyelid is extremely common. Its medical name is myokymia. In the vast majority of cases it is a completely benign condition that is self- limiting and disappears within a few weeks at most. The list of common possible causes includes: fatigue, lack of sleep and others.

I was satisfied but couldn't stop reading......
Benign Blepharospasm or eyelid spasm usually begins gradually due to emotional stresses, affects both eyes, and disappears during sleep. Treatment is through botulinum toxin (Botox) injections. Emotional stresses?...if you don't count formatting my Hard Disk as one...then..none whatsoever. And BOTOX? Isn't it for really old and stinking rich people who think they can play with Einstein's equations and reverse time?

You can get an eye-twitch from too much coffee. Try cutting down and see.
Coffee and me....naaaa....

It may also be due to a neurological disorder called FMS&MPS Complex. Eye twitching is a common symptom of people suffering from FMS&MPS. See a doctor.
No chance. I haven't seen a single complex since my IInd semester maths course. And I see plenty of doctors everyday (ones with PhDs) and believe me...they can hurt more than a silly eye twitch...

An excess of toxic heavy metals in the body such as mercury, aluminum, lead, cadmium and copper can lead to neurological irritation, and twitching.
It is quite possible.... I have been listening to Slipknot, Rammstein and Metallica a lot this week. That's a large dose of metal.

Twitching occurs as a result of an overwrought nervous system unloading impulses. It is most common during rest from stress and strain.Some people claim that cannabis is effective for relieving muscle spasms in general.
Now that's why I like "Some" people.

Things such as bright light or light wind can bring on the twitches.
So?....should I stay in my room all day with the lights switched off or what?

Magnesium works well for this too, but be careful not to take too much if you take supplements. You can get lethargic, slow pulse from taking too much.
Oh My God!!!...I must have fallen into a drum of Magnesium in my childhood.

Sinking "Life"boat

2006-03-01T16:40:00.000+05:30

Life is showing me unspeakable horrors,
Yet, anger, I do not know your colour.
Each day, the numbers on my wall tick,
With mind numbing slowness, it makes me sick.
My friend tells me, The Bridge won't break,
Yet, at nights, I lie awake.
Ominous thoughts, holding my head in their sway,
Every second, every hour, every day.
With such a crucial time ahead, I wonder,
Will I stay afloat or am I going under?

Now I tag the other regular blogger that I know: Revathi
So my utterly 'Vetti' friend....you have to write a poem now....

100 Words

2006-03-01T06:03:00.000+05:30

I took an hour to come up with this 100 word story. Since I put in this much effort, I gain the right to tag someone and that someone is going to be Visionary. Read on....

The INDIGO swerved onto the wrong side. A split second later, rubber tires squealed. CRASH. The 2 cars turned into scrap metal. I ran towards them. An unconscious woman was inside the FORD. A young girl was screaming inside the INDIGO. With great effort I pulled her limp body out. Others came running and helped me take them to the hospital.

The doctor said "The girl survived but the woman's dead."

When I went in, she screamed "Why didn't you save her?" No gratitude. No relief. I was dumbstruck.

"She was my mother." She said, tears streaming down her face.

Life's a @#$%^#

2006-02-17T15:53:00.000+05:30

I have lost stuff worth Rs 5000 in the last 48 hours. I know that i'm not really unhappy, but still why does it have to happen huh? Why? Is it a phase that i'm going through? Why are such improbable things happening so suddenly huh? I don't understand. I can live with these losses. I am actually pretty cool about them. A huge financial loss. Highly inconvenienced but still not angry or filled with hatred. No problem. I know thes things happen to people. Never guessed I would be the one of THESE peole. But if someone does find my sandals or my cellphone please tell me. All right
Signing off for now.
Au revoir...

Casanova Composition

2006-02-15T06:10:00.000+05:30

Isn't today that very day
You are waiting for someone to say
That you are special to him
But maybe he is too dim
Or maybe he has forgotten
So leave me with paper and a pen
And have no more worries
For, I shall write down stories
Of how much you mean to me
And how I can't live to see
When you get really hurt
So here, let me get to work
Anyonymously, so you can call me Burt
Or think i'm a real jerk
And so towards the end .i.e. finally
Judge me very carefully
Am I really out of line
Or will you be my Valentine.

LIFE or something like it......

2006-02-13T08:06:00.000+05:30

Things that can make LIFE definitely more interesting......

1 People with different number of arms(3 or 4 would be perfect)
2 Teleportation
3 Dreams that you can clearly remember
4 Telepathy
5 Suckered feet like that of lizards
6 Hostel rooms that change orientation everytime you open/close them
7 Lightning that stays for minimum 5 seconds so that you can look at it properly
8 Telekinetic ability
9 All the fruits on every tree
10 Walls that light up wherever you touch them
11 Ears with filters for all the meaningless things people say
12 Computers you could operate with your eyes only
13 Friction less roads....ya i know
14 CDs that store as much as you want
15 And finally, blogs that write themselves

So, what do you think?
Probably wishing for self-destructing bad blogs eh?

Unforgettable @#$&!# Things

2006-02-11T16:44:00.000+05:30

Eyes Closed. Memory taking over again.

That least expected unanswerable question shot at me in class
The incessant talking into my ear when I am not even listening
The food visible when the person opposite is chewing with his mouth open
The new pen I buy for the exams that I can't seem to find
The door that doesn't close no matter how hard I try
That power cut right when the movie gets interesting
The long walk to the shop where I find my purse empty
The untimely transfer just when I develop a liking for my house
That forgotten 6 am cell alarm that wakes me up on a Sunday
The soap that runs out in the middle of a bath

Total Recall.
Bah....memory is so over-hyped.
Its given too much credit.

Unforgettable Little Things

2006-02-11T16:08:00.000+05:30

Eyes closed. Memory taking over.

Rain drops pattering on huge teak leaves above my head
The misted breeze near a beach which fogs my glasses
That step which I unexpectedly miss going down the stairs
Water dripping off my skin after a swim
The tingling electric shock that is unasked for
Foggy breath that accompanies words on winter mornings
The squishiness when I wiggle my toes in wet shoes
The touch of cool marble on my face after a long run
The sharp rain that pelts my hand when its out of the train window
The early dawn dew when I walk barefoot on green grass
The cool rush of water in my parched dry throat
The singing sound in my ears on Diwali night
The rapid rush of air when I cycle downhill
The wet nose of a dog between my toes
The severe cold water during a 11 pm bath that knocks my breath out
The blitz across a thunder filled night sky

Memory is a superb thing...I think.

I'd like to meet......

2005-11-22T15:53:00.000+05:30

1) A polar bear...."Hibernation is a bewildering concept to me....."
2) Mr Bush...."Someone's gotta kill tht guy"
3) PG Wodehouse...."Is he as humorous in person........"
4) Einstein..."Great minds must meet u know.....for the flow of ideas...."
5) Padma Lakshmi..."Gotta drive some sense into her.....Salman Rushdie!!!!....sheesh"
6) Stephen Hawking...."Let him explain the black hole in my room....outta which creatures come in the nite and take away my stored food"
7) My old school friends...."Haha..i'm taller than all of you."
8) Ron Weasley...."I need tips to increase my waistline within a month...."
9) Dan Brown...."Someone tell him, copy pasting characters doesn't go down well with readers...."
10) Windows XP code writers......"Thank you!!!!"
11) Murphy(of the law fame)...."Dude....u r wrong.....I haven't saved this text and my pc hasn't yet restarted"
12) Shakespeare..."Write in coherent, English, u dumba**"
13) Porsche makers....."Need to introduce them to a li'l concept called affordability"
14) Eddie Murphy....."Gnashing one's teeth on screen doesn't constitute a smile....."
15) Friends in Season 1......"Rachel, u love Ross, Monica, u'll marry Chandler, Pheobe, u marry someone i don't remember and Joey, u get ur own show"
16) Shahrukh Khan....." K-K-K-Kry baby "
17) JC Bose..."Sorry dude, u got no Nobel, but u do hv a particle and home theatres named after u"
18) Hitler..."No amount of territory or power can compensate the 1 thing u lack, not humanity.....height, u dwarf"
19) MJ....."Just want to know once and for all.....Is he/she a he/she or a she/he??"

A Phony Story

2005-11-22T13:02:00.000+05:30

This is the story of a boy who lost his cellphone. He left it at a tea stall as if it were a hanky. Let's not blame him. He forgets a conversation by the end of it. Now, there were about 10 people who saw it on the table.
Being utterly jobless, they had a round table conference with the stall owner. The question raised was " Who is to keep it? ".....no no.....they were extremely honest people...... The debate was on " Who is to keep it till the boy comes along to claim it back? ".Since each of them trusted his neighbour like India trusts Pakistan, they decided after numerous debates that Panditji was the most respectable of them all. He was chosen for safekeeping the hanky (that costs Rs 4000)

2 days later, the boy came around to claim it. The owner explained the matter to him and asked him to come in the evening when the Panditji will be available. In the evening, the boy came back and waited anxiously like a would be father in a nursing home waiting room. You get the picture. And then on the horizon, riding like Arwen in LOTR, he came riding atop his trusty steed manufactured by Atlas Cycles.Believe it or not, the priest(M.A. , PhD Hindi) INTERROGATED the boy. After satisfying himself and the audience that assembled there, he proceeded without preamble " Now, don't worry, you will get your cell, but there is the small matter of the compensation ". Let me repeat COMPENSATION AKA money. Of course, being virtuous does have its advantages; spiritual and monetary ones both. The boy was shocked. But he agreed and took out a Rs 50 note. No can do. The alleged godman said he wouldn't accept money but he will accept Rs 100 worth sweets(courtesy: The tea stall). This done, the boy and godman left to the latter's home to claim the cell waiting for him.

Upon reaching there through a maze/slum which will not survive 2 hrs of rain, the priest and his hospitality left the boy stunned. Tea, a strong dosage of "shudh hindi" and some more of those Rs 100 sweets later, the boy bid adieu to the family which politely invited him for the next day's festival. Accompanied on the way back by the Panditji, the boy was casually wondering to what levels of grime can a religious man stoop when the Panditji remarked " Go on ahead to the tea stall, I'll just have a cigarette and come there "

Case closed. I am never gonna lose my cell again. And even if I do I am never ever gonna go to reclaim it. Who knows what kinda weirdo I might meet......Maybe a dog lover who eats his pets......or a 10 yr old who is coal mafia don.......

Dea(r)th of love

2005-11-12T17:27:00.000+05:30

DEATH. I have never seen death nor have I experienced the loss of a relative. So I have no idea what I will feel (if and)when that happens. I cannot pretend it will never happen in my lifetime. But I have never really thought about it at all because it isn't something anyone likes to think about. I learnt of an incident. These are the facts: A boy loved a girl. She did not reciprocate. He committed suicide. His mother cried in front of the entire college. His father was angry that his son left them. The girl felt guilty and committed suicide.
It made me think. When we love someone, what is the depth of that feeling? Should it be so deep that if rejected, we have no reason to live? If it isn't that deep then does its shallowness indicate a hypocrisy? What truly is love? Is it justified to forsake our parents and die for love? Was the girl really guilty of something? Did she die because of him or because of some wrong mental attitude of her own? Was I wrong when I defined LOVE in a previous post?
Consider this case:
I love A. Then A's actions/reactions will affect me. How they affect me is upto me....right? If A is affected by what happens to me, then my love for A binds A to me and narrows A's emotional reaction range. Without A's choice I affected A's life and actions.
My point here being.......what if you or I were A. We are now controlled(so to speak) by another person. Is that acceptable? Should it be acceptable? I don't know.

After a brief look at what I wrote down above...I think I can wade across this emotional swamp of mine.
LOVE? This is how it must be.
I love her passionately. The feeling of "loving that girl" is the only thing that matters to me. I love the way she looks, thinks, reacts.....Period. I expect nothing from her. Neither acknowledgement nor reciprocation. It is she who will decide her feelings towards me. As far as I am concerned, the only bond between me and her is the feeling of my love for her that I will carry within me. That's all. This is the depth of my love.

Now my questions can be answered.
The depth of love is total. Rejection or approval do not matter at all. The girl died because she felt guilt. The only thing she was guilty of was self-betrayal because the guilt was her own mental creation. So, she was solely responsible for her death.
And yes. I was wrong before. Actually I was inconsistent. My definition of LOVE included the other person which it shouldn't have......because the self-sufficiency I wrote about implicitly includes LOVE in it.

Days of our lives

2005-11-07T06:57:00.000+05:30

It all began the day we arrived back from the vacation. We were room hunting.
Roomie: Let's take this one raa...its clean and has a locational advantage over the others.
Ya. You see, when the Nazis infiltrate our building then, owing our room's superior locational advantage over the others, we'll be the only ones to survive. Also, we can get to the bathrooms faster which is very important as anyone with a healthy apetite and an unco-operative stomach lining will know.
Me: Absolutely......and the ventilation...!!! Good call man.
You shud see our room. There was NO WAY any light, Visible or IR or UV or even a ruby LASER cud touch any surface within. NASA could've avoided that Kalpana Chawla episode, had they used our windows on the shuttle's underside. Vitamin C deficiency, here I come.

(((((((((5 weeks later))))))))))
0715 hrs------->>>>>>>>>>>>>
The cell alarms start to ring....both my roomie's and mine.....along with the my comp's alarm....they sing a melancholy strain...."Open thee dreamy eyelids...and look outside....thou shalt see....its so fresh...and so mellow.....its lecturetime"
I lift up my head enuf to hibernate my comp and throw my cell into a drawer(its a NOKIA 3315...it'll survive).My roomie is more car(eful)ing. He mutes it with a pillow. And with the silence of the lambs, we drift back into sleep.
0740 hrs------->>>>>>>>>>>>
Some curious nosy Parker who has equated "Waking people up" and "Social service" comes in and jerks us awake. I rub my eyes and think what a nice milkman this guy wud make. Coming out of the room, I see a procession of pilgrims going towards Kasi, all their problems have simple solutions:morning ablutions........u get the picture
0755 hrs------------>>>>>>>>>>
I am wolfing down breakfast with no time to wonder what it is.
Mr perfect mechanical engineer(call him MPME) who is leaving the mess, casually remarks:"The weather is fine today. Rust process will be reduced by 27%. By the way, we have to design class today so get your charts." I look around the table and see my branchmates faces. Malicious|Smug|Resigned|Blissfully ignorant(OGPA = 8 and struggling for more|8 and happy|7 and stopped trying|6 and indifferent respectively)
0830 hrs----------->>>>>>>>>>>>
We are in Drawing hall sitting on high stools like in a bar. After a sincere 1/2 an hour tryin to figure out what to do...I join a gathering of people and discuss the topic of the day: Bush's policies, the Profs daughter..etc etc
0950 hrs------------->>>>>>>>>>
I hastily add 5 or 6 lines to my drawing, seriously look at my work and then call a guy to have a look at it. We both laugh at the fat lady that I wanna pretend is a flywheel. Then we pack.....time toe.
1055 hrs-------------->>>>>>>>>
Some jerk jerks me awake in the nick of time. I say a strong "Yes Sir" in a deep baritone. Class over. 3 down 1 to go.
1210 hrs------------->>>>>>>>>>
Prof: So, this flow analysis technique has several advantages...blah blah and some more blah.....
Im poring over my book.....Ludlum's action is pretty fast paced.
Benchmate: Arey whats ur top score in snake? I got a 1120 just now.
Me: Huh..what? Abey...don't disturb man....listen to the prof or somethin...
5 benches to the north .i.e. in the first bench.
GMAT1: Sir, if the fluid flow is not in 1D then how can we assume?
GMAT2: arey, the Stoke's law's combination with Bernoulli clearly explains it...blah blah and some more blah....
Prof: Yes, thats right. In fact, why don't u take down this assignment on 1D flow.
Everyone groans but they hang on to the filmy shred of hope that Prof didn't give a deadline.
GMAT1: Sir, when shud we submit it, next class......@%#!#%@!!!
1315 hrs----------->>>>>>>>>>
Im asleep, catching up on the sleep lost during the morning(Reason: Had breakfast today). MPME passes the room while going to the mess.
MPME: All guyz completed ur HMT assignment i hope. Today is last day for submission.
DAMN. I instantly look at the timetable. First P.Tech, then HMT. Relief washes all over me and I put a few A4 sheets into my bag. That taken care off, I go back to slumber.
1615 hrs------------>>>>>>>>
I return after a gruelling day and head towards Dhaiyya. Some tea, singhadas(bihari for piping hot samosas) and 2 hrs later, im revived and rejuvenated.
1830 hrs------------->>>>>>>
I switch on my pc. 10 minutes and (sh)it happened. My roomie's UPS wails like a banshee falling from the top of a tower. His UPS heralds the coming of the low voltage. Barely 2 minutes later, a loud cacophony of electronic beeps is heard all over the wing. My darling Stabilizer....I Love U
2045 hrs-------------->>>>>>>
My friends call me. I hibernate my pc and go for dinner. After Gamerboy(name changed for health reasons) redefines fast food and Pubboy's(name changed) drawn out meal campaign, I return to some Q time on my pc.
0240 hrs------------>>>>>>>
I hear my roomie's light snore and realise he's asleep. I too buy tickets for dreamtheatre. 15 seconds later, I wake up and recall the most important thing. Nope....not an assignment. Nope...not a test. I silently set the alarms on my pc and cell.

Ya ya....i know what u skeptics are thinking....but u just wait and see....i'm gonna do that alarm justice one of these days.......one of these days...........

The COLOR Theory

2005-10-26T13:11:00.000+05:30

Whether this is about humans and i'm an idealist or this is about colors and i'm a painter, will depend on your perspective.

LIFE is a joyous, gay, flamboyant canvas of colours[In Geek-tongue: Life is a visual display unit with over 4 billion colors 'true color, highest mode' at 32 bit quality of 120 dpi resolution and refresh rate of 85 Hz]
If the above hasn't convinced you yet about my mental status, let me proceed:
Colors. Every thing on this planet has color. Even humans have color. Fair-complexioned(sissies), yellow-skinned(diseased looking freaks), dark-complexioned(dudes) and of course certain chocolate brown complexioned ones(read: Me).
OK. Now that i've convinced you and ur dialling 911 on me, let me get down to business:
This is MY COLOUR THEORY.

Objects: Every object has colour(note the usage of 'u' in colour symbolic of my love for the Queen's english). Some are blue, some are red. But all are made of the 3 primary colours. There is no colour called black. It is simply the eye registering the scarcity or lack of certain or all the colours in that object. The object which is perfectly black is not visible. But such an object does not exist.
Humans: Every human has abilities. Some are better planners, some are better decision takers. But all of them have certain basic abilities. They don't have any faults. It is simply the mind registering the inadequacy of some or all abilities in that human. A human who lacks any ability does not survive. But such a human does not exist.

Now I shall now define things people say that 1 can only feel and cannot express.
Happiness: A sensation associated solely with the mind(not heart) that is felt by an individual when he is satisfied with the outcome of an event related to his living. Men create their own happiness and are solely responsible for it. No one else can give them happiness. It is their actions alone that can produce it for them.
Pride: A feeling of extreme elation at seeing one's activity having the right effect on its environment(which includes people). Nothing wrong with it.
Self Sufficiency: The only way of life. It is how every human on this planet can truly live. It entails indifference to other people and their activities except when it gravely endangers one's happiness(defined earlier). It creates independence for a human. It retains the individuality that every one of us is born with.
Envy(Jealousy) and Hatred: The lack of the above quality results in every human's dependence on another for his actions directly or indirectly insofar as to affect his very happiness.
(A) Jealousy towards another is perversion in the sense that there is an evident lack of confidence in his own abilities.
(B) Hatred towards another(acc to the colour theory) is possible only when one lacks certain some colours and hates others who have them. This is in fact self loathing .i.e. hatred towards one's life. Such humans are not truly alive.
Relationship: An understanding between 2 parties. It is of 2 forms:
LOVE- Possible only after self sufficiency has been reached. When one is happy, the other finds pleasure in the fact the other was capable of this self generated happiness.
PARASITISM- Possible for any human being without self sufficiency. An example will clarify this. John 'loves' Jill. He actions are to make her happy. John is happy when his actions have produced happiness for Jill. John therefore depends on Jill for his happiness. Jill can deny him this happiness by getting no happiness from his actions. So, your life is being decided by another person.

And....well....that's all there is to it.

'New's stand

2005-10-17T15:12:00.000+05:30

NOTE: I've created a new movie review blog. So, click on THIS before you watch a flick.....
I am utterly "vetti" these days......as one of my friends Re'Vetti' Ramanan says.......so here goes...

This is an official protest against "That-which-is-so-crappy-ugly-gross-shitty-that-it-canot-be-named" being fed to us daily at 8 am in the morning.....yeah that’s when my newspaper arrives. I am going to burn 'news'papers at the stake over here.

PAGE 1:
(A) No quota in un-aided colleges.....Thank God.More of this and we'd need a quota for the quota-less junta.
(B) Volkswagen-India official arrested, Taken to HYD......The police must've given him a marvelous rear-spoiler......if u know what i mean.
(C) High Court Counsels Karishma, husband to settle dispute.....look at the injustice....even after he "court"-ed her for so long its only "....Counsels Karishma, husband to....."

PAGE 2:
Bringing alive the Desi art form....A book review...the book is about Indian Sculpture spanning 4000 years......ya.A must read.It will transport u back to that stone age era......or atleast ur skull's contents will reach the Neanderthal era.

PAGE 3:
(A) BRIEFLY...
Ludhiana: 5 killed in collision
Shahjahanpur: 4 dead in accident
Jamshedpur: 3 killed in firing
New Delhi: 5 killed in accident
Why is this column listing deaths titled BRIEFLY.......maybe it shud be called BRUSQUELY....eh?
(B) A reminder for initiating police reforms......Ya right....'A short reminder to prompt the government to begin the visualization of the outline of a plan to fully set in motion the preliminaries to initiate police reforms........'

PAGE 4:
(A) Whither real freedom, asked Tara Bhattacharjee(Gandhiji's grand-daughter) while inaugurating a science exhibition at The Indian School in S.Delhi.She also encouraged the 6-12 yr old children to spin and wear Khadi.........pretty reasonable.I mean...if they can understand real freedom......they can sure as hell spin Khadi clothes.
(B) NOIDA's tenders......did you know that NOIDA means New Okhla Industrial Development Authority.....so from now on, no more...."Ya...his parents live in NOIDA." OR "I left my dog in NOIDA".But then what should we say...?

PAGE 5:
(A) NIFT designs ITBP uniforms......Haute Couture for ones with the hauteur eh!!!.....Look out Paris....
(B) UP Governor withholds bill on renaming Varsity......this was THE MOST important of the governor activities that TOI could record......I wonder.....is there a lapse on TOI's part or is the governor that jobless...!!!

PAGE 6:
Articles side-by-side ----->
Rs. 2200 crore Bangalore-Mysore monorail system underway
Rs. 1510 crore sought by Karnataka CM from Centre for flood relief

PAGE 7:
(A) Krishna waters released for Chennai......be happy Madrasis......u now need to buy only 2 BIBO water cans per day instead of 3.....

PAGE 8:
TV Listings....and Radio Listings.....its not unusual ppl......70% of INDIA is still rural.....

PAGE 9 :
(A) CPI(M) destroy police buildings......Ahem....It seems a trivial piece of info but naxals do this kinda thing in my state(AP).....here Bihar has a proper CParty(organization)I to do all this!!!!....whoever says it isn't developed.......
(B) Sikkim pays 13 yr old girls Rs 2500 if they submit proof of being un-married......that must definitely have marr(i)ed ur impression of North East India eh?....but hey.....thts how horrible the situation is......
(C) Mangal Pandey opens to full house in UK ......What is with these people.....Do they WANT to see only India's under developed past......DEVDAS|LAGAAN....etc

PAGE 10 to 13 missing : Im gonna kick Vijay's a**

PAGE 14 :
Mumbai's dard(aur pani bhari) katha......

PAGE 15 :
(A) No Iraq troop cut. Will send terrible signal to enemy says Bush........uhh.Excuse me but what/where/which enemy r u talkin about Mr. Bush.....those bearded Bedouins with their..... (surprise surprise)......US M16 subs that u gave them to fight Saddam???
(B) Forest Fire Haze: Jakarta seeks help.........poor fellas....I mean talk about having the worst luck in the universe......Volcanoes...Earthquakes...Tsunamis...And now this......

PAGE 17 to 21 No comments: Hey...they deal with solid business figures and facts....and sports.......

PAGE 22:
Cultured Meat for veggies.....Good news for Moral Veggies...u don’t hv to feel guilty....No news for Religious Veggies.....continue with ur grass.....

Dream fueled desires

2005-10-10T15:39:00.000+05:30

Days ive spent lookin for u,
Nites ive spent sleepless, thinking of u,
You were so soft and oh so tender,
In all those soothing moments u render,
See how unfair this world is, will ya,
We were parted mea culpa,
Comforting than THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS,
My sweetest and dearest PILLOW.

A Class Act

2005-10-07T14:44:00.000+05:30

Engineering is something that teaches you a lot about life.Really.A student till his +12 is a werewolf. An engg college is his full moon.Literally, He steps from the darkness of ignorance(read: innocence) into the light of knowledge(read: survival skills). He steps out from under the umbrella(read: barb wire) of his parent's protection(read: prison) into the drizzle(of professorial abuse).No.....i won't deviate. My case study of the closed confines of classroom at colleges sometimes makes me wonder:
A
Should we say may i come in or can i come in ?
Say MAY (request) and you show weakness to the prof.Say CAN (ability) and it shows the prof that you'll come in no matter what he says. So, sorry English teachers but I give 3 cheers to CAN.
B
Some students extend their hand when askin the above. Its like they r pledging to come in.("I solemnly swear by you Oh great Prof that i shall come in no matter what ur teaching, till death do us part.").Hah....Grow up people. He is not Caesar and u r not Romans.
C
pronunciation [pr nùnsee áysh’n]: n -- The way in which a sound, word, or language is articulated, especially in conforming to an accepted standard.Yeah I agree, but whose standards.....i hope its not the prof's.....with his bhery(very) bhery(very) prophesinal(professional) yushej(usage) of bhards(words) regarding crankshabts(crankshafts) and plybheels(flywheels). My mind has to register all this while my ears shut down screaming for help.
D
Punctuality is another issue altogether....ur definitely at the profs mercy here....but the trick is to ignore the prof's or the students' existence altogether when u enter late.Don't ask for permission or smile sheepishly. Look sincere and serious.Head straight to the first empty bench available.Take out some notebook and start writing furiously for at least 3 muinutes before you look up.It doesn't matter that u r being glared at by the ENTIRE class of 50 including giggling girls, the first bench prodigies and the prof who's lookin for the first chink(read: culpability) in ur armour(read: act)
E
Everyone knows there is 100% output loss in any circuit with the elements "Professor's Voice" and "Students Ears". So there is an MoU. Prof offers constant feed of bilge for t=60 mins with incomprehensibilty intrinsically guaranteed. Student offers a heckling free window of t=60 mins. So when he says "The differential equation can be discretized wrt time for specific nodal positions and synchronous lag analysis of the unusable heat vs real time sine curves can be done", just nod along....
F
greeting [gr ting]: v -- The act of addressing profs in a polite and usually conventional way by tilting the head a little and mumbling WHATEVER YOU FEEL at that instant of time. WHATEVER. Point to be noted. And the prof smiles back.No.....he's not stupid.He's just grateful to you for keeping the WHATEVER below his auditory range.
G
Classtests.......nothing to be dreaded. Its usually announced for the first benchers sake only. I mean face it......whether told a week in advance or an hr before, ur gonna be prepared the same way. The only thing u must ensure is ur locational advantage before the prof comes in with the Q papers. Stay close enough to not arouse suspicion and far enough to refer to ur neighbour.

Now thats what i call edutainment.....

Thoughts in Verse

2005-10-06T08:02:00.000+05:30

Thoughts that transcend time.
I had them in my prime.
I knew then what I would be
Forever,Immortal as far as one can see.
Difficult and different was I
But I knew not why
I realised indifference was the only way.
People told me it was a crime for which I would pay
The only non triviality in my life
Is my purpose and my drive
If you can see what I'm driving at
Join me and you'll never regret
It is your life,What I say you must believe
It is your dreams that you have to achieve.
Remember rationality is immortality
And this is an inescapable eventuality

E-mail and E-nglish

2005-10-01T12:45:00.000+05:30

I regularly read most mails that come on ISMD and it irks me sometimes when someone just says things not because they wanna say them but because they wanna say something.....uncrowned MORAL POLICE.....i guess they r called. So let me elaborate.....

Observations:
1 there was a mail to one Dr.Banerjee(ISM alumnus) from an ISM student who lacks the basic minimum english. He also lacks knowledge of the protocol to be followed when writing formal e-mails. Excused....not all of us know these things without exposure.
2 The good Dr. sent a rather strong worded mail to the Yahoo Group with a sentence by sentence breakup of the mail painting the mistakes made in Red....Dark Bloody Red...u can say.
3 A huge deluge of mails poured in from all corners and batches condemning his attempt to correct and in a sense undermining his credibility and the essence of his effort......how immature...!!!
4 At the time of going to press there is a hot row between one Mr Animesh Saxena (self proclaimed philosopher) and the Dr.

Inferences:
1 Mr Saxena needs to check his premises....and stop before he further disgraces himself.
2 Any e-mail Group member has rights to voice his opinions...however bitter, unconventional and not in tune they may seem to others.
3 Rand is never understood by narrow minded self righteous so called defenders of the weak.
4 I need to stop reading these mails to which i know i wont reply.They serve no other purpose than to show me there exists sheer vanity and non-reason in this world.

The tale of BC.......a dying art.

2005-09-04T15:30:00.000+05:30

BC[bee see]
n
1 BakChodi, the aimless and pointless arguments and discussions generally yielding results of no importance whatsoever to the involved parties.
2 A forum for killing time brutally and with full conciousness of that act.

Etymologically we have traced its origin to the year AD 1927.( ISM was founded in the same year ).It began as gossip @ chai time in RD.(A tea shop, the only institution to survive the deteriorating effects of time and politics). Slowly the gossip tranformed from being a rare occurence to a daily event in a student's life. It figured in his things to do list everyday. Initially its nature was specific, i.e. about news/class events. But something specific never lasts in this world for long. So BC mutated to reach its new avatar. It transcended time and location....It was now.....

1 Convenient - Now, people could join in or leave at any point of time.
2 Substance deprived - Nothing definitive/substantial was ever said or done.
3 Gripping - Generally the participants had good oratorial skills.
4 Stress release - Nicknames, practical jokes, stand up comedy....all inclusive

And so it has lasted for 75 years.

But then came a revolution, a new era, the ribbon cutting for the Computer Era, the opening of the Information Gateway, in short, computers and the internet. This was a dangerous drug. Drawn like moths to a flame, one by one people slowly fell into its clutches. Some stopped studying, some reading, some playing, some eating, some sleeping, some BREATHING, but all of them stopped BCing. And then the nightmare became true. The art was dying. A few fought it with all their might, but they too knew it was losing battle.

And so we have lost BC. The info giver, the eye opener, attitude changer, self respect builder and finally the life force of students.It no longer remains.

PS: This blog is a tribute to BakChod people all over, a futile last ditch attempt of one of the fighters. Good bye and farewell.

Mutual Exclusion

2005-08-07T08:00:00.000+05:30

Intelligence: Encarta says its whatever the intelligence tests measure.
Evolution:The complex processes that span large durations and which result in the passing of some favourable traits of a species to its offspring and the subversion of other traits.

We know that humans have evolved to this present state. Constant weeding out of weaklings...whether physical or mental has resulted in this perfect species....homo sapiens sapiens.We are now the most advanced species on this planet. We can adapt to any environment, survive any catastrophe, switch off the fury of nature whenever it decides to inconvenience us, bend its effects to our will. We will in a few years be capable to even transcend its ultimate climax, the destruction of planet earth.

Are we going to evolve further ? Will we see new manifestations of humankind ?
I am sorry but the answer is NO. Because we have lost the need to. Any barrier is mounted by the convenient tool that we have called intelligence. And i mean ANY barrier. We need to realise this fact. Intelligence and Evolution are mutually exclusive. In fact evolution culminates in intelligence.Hard to digest?....well take ur time.

Nature tries to make us evolve but to no avail. Any disease is cured using medicines. All deformed or weak children also survive. I am not saying they shouldn't. I am just quoting a fact. Whenever a natural calamity occurs, aid comes to the affected in overwhelming amounts.So the end point is a known one. We remain the way we are. We remain humans. Any different versions of us are classified as freaks and ostracized from our society.It is a fact. Evolution is no more. We have come to an EVOLUSTOP.

License to (s)kill....!!!

2005-07-06T04:40:00.000+05:30

I drive that powerful gas guzzling monster, that mean set of wheels....all right,all right, its a Kinetic Honda.But I reached 3rd year and needed a license to prove it.So, off we went to Gannavaram...some 12 kms outside Vijayawada.

For 25 painful minutes I watched wannabe Taxi drivers trying to drive sanely below quarter their lower speed limit of 70 kmph. Then I tapped the corrupt* RTA officer on his shoulder.
He said "what's the magic word ?"
I said " MCWG ".
I watched over his shoulder as he flipped thru the application forms with the dexerity of a pizza dough flipper. His face showed signs of incredulity.Perplexed as I was, I stared.My first clue came when he said " Didn't you pay the license fee ? ".My face registered an xpression of a dog whose bone was snatched out of its vice like grip.

How was I to know ?.Hey I am average citizen unfamiliar with procedures for procuring a license.And this vital info wasn't mentioned ANYwhere.How was I to know? Then my Dad suggested an 'ALTO'rnative He said "Lets Go".So we go'ed.

Anyway...12 kms later, we reached RTA Vijayawada and approached Helpdesk.
Help Desk said "Go to Counter No 3.Submit the form and Rs 300 for the receipt."
A very innocuous sentence.Exceedingly simple to follow unless there is a huge financial catastrophe.But the worst was yet to come.It turned out that there was no counter 3!!!Big Deal. In Indian govt offices, this kinda stuff is usual, so we scouted around. Of the 5 manned counters, we checked out counters numbered C3,the third counter from the left and the third from the right.This reconnaissance is in no way easy.Every counter is restricted from visual or auditory range by a queue of atleast 5 ppl.So results being unfavorable, we checked out the 4th one and lo behold it was the alleged Counter No. 3.How to deal with such situations, it turned out if you multiply the probability of the number of ppl before a certain Govt Office counter being 3 by the prime number 3 and factorize it, it yields that counter's number. Aha...that explains it.We were using the wrong prime.

So we ploughed back @ 60 kph on the NH5 to find the test circuit empty.(Pheww...more drivers and I would've kissed the bumper of a rushing truck on the conveniently situated NH).Well, the test was cursory.Probably the guy thought if I was so desperate that I drove 30 km then I deserved it.

But the RTA's processing is to be praised, the very next day I recieved my license by DTDC courier.Now that is what I call "Speedy Service".

*Corrupt: He had a Sony Ericsson T610 and it wasn't even 2nd hand.Probably a gift...eh ?

EPISODE III - Return of the Shit

2005-06-19T03:03:00.000+05:30

It is said Eskimos find it hard to face equatorial heat even without their furs. It goes on to stress how difficult it is for one whose fur is permanent to cope up Vijayawada heat. Being a Japanese Spitz does have its advantages when one visits Japan but that will probably come later in life for J.Caesar II. Currently however he was having a hard time. Doctors recommended permanent retirement to a room with an LG Gold and Caesar being strictly health-conscious in his diet and habits followed the doc’s advice to a T. This in no way hampered his expeditions and so far he has been to Kotappa Konda, Kanaka Durga Hill(Not the temple because the temple authorities practice species discrimination) as well as Guntur.

Recently we made a trip to Vizag, via car, due to various remonstrances from Caesar that he wanted to come and railway authorities seem to be hand in glove with the temple authorities in this species discrimination thing. So after a long time he visited his second Beach .i.e. Vizag, AP (First was Vadinar, GJ).On his return he was seized by a sudden curiosity as to how the system of governance in UTs is different from that of the States. So we decided to come to Vijayawada via Yanam. Back after such a grueling and tiresome journey Julius caught diarrhoea or some such disorder and well...suffice it that this Episode's title is justified.

Recently he got better and the docs have pronounced him a-o-kay. And ever since he got an invitation to the Monarchies of the World Re-union at Tokyo from the Japanese ambassador to India he is contemplating a visit to Japan which reads, probably, as another Rs 60000 added to the Rs 42080 ("my only non-yielding investment in life so far" says Dad.) Now diplomatic visas are one thing but I told Caesar the truth "In India, dogs don’t get passports." The only thing he said was" If Laika can go to space, J.Caesar II is sure as hell gonna go to Japan."

END OF EPISODE III....EPISODE IV will take another year or so don't keep your fingers crossed or you might need a doctor.

EPISODE II - The attack of the Mongrels

2005-06-19T01:35:00.000+05:30

Grandparents are usually the most tolerant sub-genus of the species Homo sapiens sapiens. It was, indeed, an extraordinary affair that ruffled their feathers. They came in CONTACT with a species wholly alien to them. Getting to the point, Julius Caesar II arrived in my ancestral home at Hyderabad. While my parents continued in the quest for an apartment, Caesar's quests comprised of his search for Crow-leftovers aka bones and later his search for a conspicuous place to do his then famous Vomit-asana. As it happens to most of us who savour these delicacies, the crow-leftovers wreaked havoc in that delicate digestive system of his. So we sallied forth to find the so called Govt Vet Hospital and despite vigorous protests from his side about the abuse of anti-biotics that happens in these places, we held him while the vet gave him shots.

Finally they found it, not Caesar's expulsions, the apartment. And we moved into Caesar's new and second home. Here too, the unrestive spirit of Caesar managed a few trips to nearby religious places like Chilkur apart from seeing a window(Maruti Esteem's window to be precise) view of the sprawling twin cities of Hyderabad and Secunderabad. The only thing he regrets is being kept in the dark about a black dog called Sunny D(some say D stands for Dog while others maintain its Deol)who lived next door. He never managed to make a formal acquaintance with Sunny. Sunny on the other hand being truly street smart met lots of the indigenous species called Mongrelus Streetus and brought them home. As the Mongrels' views on Socialism and Equality of Dogs were not very welcome by Sunny's family, these dogs used to be regularly chased away by those strict Capitalists. Tired of lectures they used to attack Caesar. J who tried to bring home to them his own views on 'Cats and their Extermination'.

And then came the heart wrenching day when I had to leave to Dhanbad. Caesar knew I would be away for months and the duty of caretaker and protector of family would rest in toto on his white haired haunches. But he bravely bid adieu to me and got on with life until it culminated in his transfer again to that blazing hot city of Vijayawada.

END OF EPISODE II

EPISODE I - The 'Pants-torn' Menace

2005-06-18T23:50:00.000+05:30

There were celebrations in the city of Baroda on 24th November 2001 the day that heralded the birth of Julius Caesar the Second. His was not an easy childhood. He was the last of his brothers to be snatched from his mother's caring paws and was consequently, the fattest among his brothers (doctors attribute it to his having had a larger share of mother's milk). He was bought, yes I am ashamed to say it, bought like a slave for a sum of Rs 1500 by Moi and Family. Leading psychiatrists (who've tried treating EMINEM) say it’s a miracle he didn't drop out of high school and sing Rap songs about his vaccine addicted mother. That he was registered for vaccinations as Cizer and not Czar J.Caesar II is a shameful secret that he hides to this day.

A most enjoyable ("for u probably, u didn't have to carry him", says Dad) bus ride brought him to his first home.10 days later his training began. Now it is totally unwise to recount all the methods (including the threats, bribes and other diplomatic means) used to train him during those years. It would suffice to say that Nitin Batchu, a wholly unprejudiced judge especially in K9 matters has awarded Caesar with that greatly acclaimed title "The Most Obedient Dog of the Neighborhood" which is, let’s face it, not something U or I can achieve in this lifetime. Caesar J is a very boisterous chap. Once in Porbandar he expounded a few of his theories on The Mahatma and The Non-Cooperation Movement to a few Gujjus who passed by the Maruti 800 in which he was sitting. But these Gujjus, rustics as they were, mistook it for a series of barks. Occasionally, though, he used to be struck speechless whenever we visited that vast and beautiful expanse of lawns 'The Central Park' in our colony. Wrongly perhaps, we took this to mean that Julius was somehow inarticulate. It was later found that he was merely gathering medical proof for his theory on what happens when dogs eat herbivorous food aka grass.

In the months that followed he traveled by car to various ports (Vadinar, MotiKhavdi), towns (Rajkot, Jamnagar), by train to various cities (Baroda, Ahmedabad), made pilgrimages to the religious temple towns (Dwaraka, Somnath), by boat to Bet Dwaraka. This leisurely life culminated in his transfer to Hyderabad [formerly Bhagyanagaram since recently Cyberabad]. So he took a flight and in the cargo bay of the aircraft arrived safely and 'sedated'ly to the metropolis.

END OF EPISODE I

DOG TREK - To Boldly Go Where No Dog Has Gone Before

2005-06-18T22:00:00.000+05:30

Only once in his life, there was a trivial crisis as to whether he was to be christened Julius Caesar or Hyundai Santro.But Roman history prevailed over the "hep car" fad, much to the relief of the gathering assembled there. And thus began the great era of lowered blood pressures, increased Domex usage and last but not the least non-yielding investments. Let me not cause you any mental unrest. To eliminate the mystery of this entity's identity, he is in fact man's best friend and more succinctly, the one I share bonhomie with, my dog.

His travails have been a constant source of gossip among the local K-9 community, insofar as his vet has written a book which, unfortunately, could not be published since the editor died of a stroke (that has wrongly been attributed to his reading the manuscript).Anyhow, Caesar has journeyed to a host of Indian cities towns and villages in various states and to a UT as well. For reasons of scarcity of space (although this is the www, I don’t like really long anecdotes and so I presume is the reader's case) I shall summarily describe his life history in a few terse episodes and cut out his personal reminiscences and reflections (in spite of his vehement protests to include here his views on "Cats And Other Pests" and a short passage on "Telephone Poles And Similar Nature Call Destinations").

Wait for Dog Trek Episode 1 - The 'Pants-torn' Menace

Rammstein's Amerika

2005-06-02T06:00:00.000+05:30

Americans make for a very interesting anthropological study....
At the beginning of time....
There was a guy called Joe. Joe fell short of resources so he went looking. One day he discovered a new resource rich land populated by a stone age race open to friendship and trade. So Joe traded 1 lighter & 2 radios for 10 barrels of oil daily. The races loved Joe's clothes and his clever little devices and imitated him.Joe taught them to smoke, use plastic, live recklessly, dress minimally and other admirable traits. Some religious leaders(call them mullahs if u like) disliked the direction the ppl were taking and issued diktats. But their pleas were "over and out"-ed by the ppl. Regularly the mullahs broke Joe's windows. Joe complained to his frens that his home was threatened. And he waited...Slowly even the ppl of the race realised that Joe was short-changing them in their oil deals. Joe became aware of this growing hostility among both the mullahs and the people. BUT he still waited.....One day a glass shard went into his forearm....BAM!! He went out and shot every mullah(except 1 who hides even today). But the matter didn't end there.He told his friends and kids...."those people are dangerous...they are making Wocko-poison Mummy Destroyers(WMDs) and ur mothers might get hurt....so we have to shoot them and take away their WMDs.....is that ok?".....the son said "allright dad...do it" and WHAM!! he and a couple of his friends made a pre-emptive strike(but they found no WMDs). He stationed 5 of his trusted bulldogs there in order ensure continuous supply of oil. He lied to his own son. The friends said nothing coz they needed the cheap priced oil that Joe supplied.
So here we are today.......
Wearing Adidas shorts, Nike shirts, drinking Coke, eating McDonalds pizzas driving with our girlfriends in our gas guzzling Chevrolet Optras keeping mum about Afghani massacres and Iraqi invasions while the stupid American children think their Daddy saved the day when he says "don't worry ill smoke Osama out and hunt him down" . In the background the muslim and palestinian leaders cry their voices hoarse.

WHAT are we doing???.....ohhh i know, i know.....we're "CHILLIN OUT" our cowardly lives.

Southern Lights " Aurora Australis "

2005-06-02T02:00:00.000+05:30

Prior Scriptum : Please read "Northern Lights - Aurora Borealis" before u read this.
In order to be secular in my articles.....and to avoid being massacred by some of my telugu friends......I wrote this.......
A few days ago I accompanied my family to a telugu wedding in the sleepy hamlet of Vizag....now when u play a game on 2 different comps u always compare and differentiate their config and performance.....i call it diffra......so i did a diffra on this wedding.....it was peak summer and Vizag + peak summer => sweating buckets. So I said bribe the pujari and postpone all summer muhurts. The result.....well....we need a government like that pujari.....incorruptible.
And there i was in my best clothes going from 1 introduction to the other like a rag toy, every face i see the same.Sweaty....!!! But the suffering was not forever. We eventually reached a closed structure like a weapon storehouse which was beautifully air conditioned and remarkably..... empty!!!(explained later). On a dias were 2 royal thrones where the bride and groom were accepting gifts and the cliched mother-in-law was making a mental inventory of them. A select few dignitaries who obviously were the photographer's favorites had their sweaty faces immortalised by him for future comic relief of the family. My family minus me had 1 of its own taken as well.
Now we come to the mysterious emptiness aspect of this brutally grey cell erasing story. A grave short sightedness on part of the organisers resulted in there being about 6 stalls serving various Andhra delicacies and 4 more serving enriched meals OUTSIDE this seventh heaven. That the ppl chose gastro-intestinal exercise over AC made several fathers with marriagable daughters note down the ph no of the caterers. As far as i was concerned the elastic lining came into play again.

Northern lights " Aurora Borealis "

2005-06-01T22:03:00.000+05:30

About 3 months ago....I accompanied a friend to a North-Indian wedding.
Ordinarily peak winter + delhi => hot mug of cocoa and novels for most ppl.
But the malicious muhurths of our Indian culture are without respite. So there we were about a 1000 ppl gorging upon the delectable food served at the innumerable(12 or so) various stalls situated at prime locations in the beautifully manicured lawns.
To the right, the chef was flippin rotis beside a server dressed like salad serving...u guessed it....salad. To the left, the tandoori loving crowd was as strong as the paneer butter masala lovin crowd. Like undergrowth in an evergreen forest...kids the size of my ankle kept chasing imaginary pixies flying in the heavy cold air. Further ahead i could just make out the beginning of a queue for the sweets serving sector.
In my peripheral vision i could see my host and hostess, the married couple. They were accepting gifts from guests like guns from surrendering naxals and had big plastic smiles on their faces. Who can blame them. Your face would be just as rigid if u were asked to smile 24X7(24 hrs @ 7 degrees).
It is at times like these that i love my elastic lined stomach.But I am without a fault....who wouldn't eat their heart out if the entire north-indian section of a restaurant menu was served that too free.

Semesterminal Blog....!!!

2005-04-30T00:06:00.000+05:30

Timely Dilemma...!!!

How is it that I dont feel like studyin...right at the peak of the study season....a.k.a the end semester....why did i discover blogging at such an untimely time.....why did i suddenly find as addicting a game as Pocket Tanks....Nobody knows....like the answer to the primal question " WHY ? "
At the beginning of the semester its like.....invincible mind unalterable determination ingrained drive to excel....but.....as the sem progresses...it becomes....interminable studies inhospitable classrooms and finally.......its just insufficient time.....it makes me wonder.......is it just me or does it happen to everyone....and if so why ? Are the lectures and topics that boring.....or is it the professors ???.....im afraid not.....
I guess its just human nature to become complacent.....to fall into a spell of non-motivation.....and the worst part is.......its all happening with our full conciousness of this fact......and we do nothing about it(non motivation remember !!)......Why do we wait for things to happen....

Are we at a chronological bus stop ?
If so......lets hope we catch the right bus....heh heh......

HO(stel)ME(in) ALONE

2005-04-28T23:22:00.000+05:30

How hostels are different from home....!!!
1 Weekly bathing ritual.........wish we could do away with it entirely......
2 Free surfing.....thank GOD for that.....or i would never survive....
3 Long distance phone calls to friends.....Dad picks up the tab.....whaddya have to worry bout.....
4 Bisemesterly room cleaning ritual....next yr we get single rooms and it'll become semesterly
5 Weekend parties.....yowza.....they rock....
6 Daily schedule : Wake up at noon for lunch sleep wake up for dinner sleep....

How home is different from hostels....!!!
1 Rajah-like treatment.....have some more beta....want me to get u the pillow...etc
2 Daily screams of the psycho next door.....ya my neighbourhood is weird.....
3 Spotlessly clean clothes....face it guys...we do like em.....
4 Demi-god status among cousins....hey u cleared JEE and came out unscathed....u deserve it....
5 Friday visit to the mandir...its cool....considering the incresed spirituality among girls......heh heh
6 Daily Schedule : Wake up for lunch sleep wake up for dinner sleep......

Wonderin bout POINT NO. 6.....but its so obvious......after all this is a 6 pointer's blog.....

Chicken Soup for the predesigned soul !!!!!

2005-04-28T13:00:00.000+05:30

PREDETERMINATION.......have u been predestined to read this in some way....naw....u guys can stop anytime...!!!!
Well...it all started at dinner tonite....i was happily enjoying my chicken when....Wham.....out of the blue....one of my seniors made a crass statement..... " Any event or action in this universe has been preset...predesigned and I can prove it....logically. " I was like..." How did this guy's grey cells come up with as tasteless a concept as that....with something as beautiful as a crisply delicately fried chicken in front of him ? ".Probably picked up some whiff of it from the MATRIX...the concept...i mean.
Anyway...that got me thinking....what is in some ' predetermined ' way he was right !!!...he deduced as a corollary that there is no existence of choice...Now i can say that his deduction was also predetermined leaving him no choice....but to come to that conclusion...that would directly contradict his statement as well as indirectly dis mine(the one in red)....and we can go on and on like this........
But lets suppose he's right....we have no choice....then does that mean (1) we have no control over our actions or (2) we do not know why we do what we do.Either way....i am thoroughly satisfied with the chicken and i have no qualms about that....BUT BUT...if (1) were true...it means im no way responsible for any of my actions....then who the f*** is ??? and if (2) were true then there is no sense in doing anything bcoz its outcome is unknown and irrevelant to you....!!!!
For Pete's sake....he was trying to comment on the commentary of a physical system of which he was a part....i dunno the actual mathematical or physical principles he's grossly violating(any reader is welcome to help me out here) but it doesn't feel right....but who knows maybe the feeling has been predesigned...what do u say...huh....!!!

Petro Freakazoia

2005-04-27T10:00:00.000+05:30

PetroFREAKS....
what is the deal with these entities....i know there is more competition in their branch.....but petros.....really.....do u need to act that retarded....The instance being....a simple matter of how much 1 has studied....Fire this at 'em and believe me...a plot of their response frequencies will drive u nuts....i mean seriously folks......shud'nt it be a simple reply.....like...."ive studied this topic...this stuff's left...."or "im gonna cover this today....." et cetera......but NO.What u get is "oh yaar....nothing's done till now....haven't touched any
of that stuff....man...lotsa readin to do yaar....im totally freaked out...."
Initally i was like..."whoa man....pipe down.....ur freakin me out...." but now im like..."hmm...thats just wht i thought u'd say..."

But i HAVE tried to analyse the tone of these responses and my result is a conclusion in the sphere of Dr Freud.....they try to project an image....of them being totally unprepared.....and ultimately when their scores
impress u......u'd be like "how did he do it".....
Paranerdy huh....whoever would've thought the geeks were playin mind games on us......maybe even they dont
realise they're doin it.....
--- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Peeheeew.....now tht the heady stuff's over.....i can go to sleep and dream about a 7.5....end sem comin up....otherwise the dream would comprise of stuff related to the ' yin ' crowd.....

Intro"dude"ing myself......

2005-04-26T15:30:00.000+05:30

This is on hindsight....for the inquisitive ones....among y'all....

In a land called DOM....there's a creature called a governor...and it xperiences what's called ISOCHRONISM....an effect that is way too boring to discuss in my blog....

Point is...isochronous meant "of the same frequenzy".

So i thought,
Whyever naught,
Lemme use isokronos,
Totally a blogger's onus,
Invitin ppl of the same freqwenzy,
Be it Saddam or be it Inzy.

Mind-numbing poem aint it....bound to happen when you improvise.

Anyway...R@hul here...a sophomore mechie....
With loads to unload.