As I finish this blog, my phone screen says “1 Message”. I am deep into the den of disaster, my friends, and I am ALL IN.
Monday, May 14, 2012
My Lady of Mercy, Lady Luck
As I finish this blog, my phone screen says “1 Message”. I am deep into the den of disaster, my friends, and I am ALL IN.
Sunday, August 07, 2011
Information Superhighway
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
All work and word play makes Jack...
In a similar spirit, I started this post by describing the many things that happen at my current workplace. Amusing things. Weird things. Unusually-seriously-taken trivial things. Naturally, I made some smart-Alec remarks about co-workers, bosses, CEOs and even some clever wordplay on the company vision, mission statements, inspirational HR slogans and the like. A tad sarcastic as usual, I guess, but that's just me being myself. After almost half the post was complete, I suddenly realized this was a permanent job. My permanent job. My bread and butter. And jam and ketchup. And toaster. And maybe even a microwave someday. On a professional level, shouldn't I play safe? Even the B-School lifeline had been used up. And on a more personal level, am I morally (cough) justified in wasting precious (cough) man-hours and brain-hours blogging?
I surely can't profess a scarcity of objets des curiosite here. Like that chirpy sparrow brained HR who knows everyone's birthday but whose birthday no one seems/wants to know. Or that dropped-as-a-child Deputy Manager scorned by the President 8 years ago, who'd rather get his 15th certification in the hope of a promotion than leave the company. Or that forever frowning VP with the Al Pacino voice replete with profound & profuse profanities who probably runs this entire company behind-the-scenes. But shouldn't I actually work for a change?
There I was. One week into the job and midway through a blog post. From across the desk, the words on the logo-embellished coffee mug stared at me accusingly. "Take initiative. Add value to your work."
So that was that. I quickly saved the draft and walked into the boss' chamber. "Good morning Sir." My boss reached into the abyss of his memory. 5 seconds passed. "Oh! Rahul right. Tum aa gaye! Surprised to see you boss. I thought you wouldn't join!?"
"No Sir. I am very much interested in this sector. Consequently I was hoping that if there are any short term tasks that could accelerate my learning curve and help me grow as a professional in the company, do let me know right away. In fact, I did my B.Tech.... (Ed's Note: Author indulged in some self-dabba which the reader shall not be subjected to).... and all this has equipped me with a rich experience. I am sure the work I do will reflect my capabilities and interests in a manner that allows me to perform to my full potential."
10 seconds passed. My boss slowly turned towards his laptop screen and made wiggly circles on the screen with the cursor. Turned back towards me and stared. 10 more seconds passed.
"Yes? Tumne kuch bola?"
"Sir, I want some challenging work to do."
"Accha.... Yaar, that reminds me. I urgently need the contact numbers for helicopter services in India. Fatafat jugaad kardo."
As the image of kids in woolen mufflers and Ma Vaishnodevi's icy peaks appeared in my mind, he added, "The thing is we're doing something never done before. Dig up some data and make a PPT on the methodology for mid-river construction with helicopter support. You'll present to the clients on Friday. Is that ok?"
The ex-IT employee (whose knowledge of helicopters and construction was limited to Discovery Channel & Die Hard) gaped and absently nodded his head. The boss continued "At work, you should always feel free to take initiative. I want your learning curve to be vertical. Not flat, you know." And then a sardonic smile.
Of all the #*?$%#^$&^@# things!!!
Dear Reader, there is a moral to be learnt here. In your life, the overall scheme of things may not make sense. You may succeed at some things, fail at others for no apparent reason. But always remember: Never ever take career advice from coffee mugs. They're just to hold the damn coffee.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Maple Heights (contd/concld)
Agent V: Sir aap cheque se payment karenge kya?
Author: Kya farak padta. Cash, netbanking, sab chalega bhaiyya magar ghar toh dikha do pehle. Chahiye toh paise briefcase mein dal kar de du?
He laughed as waited for the lift. A sullen looking thug who I presumed was the owner's agent joined us. 7-8-9-10-11. The lift opened and there it was. A fancy door and the owner beaming. I motioned to take off my shoes but he waved me off. My agent showed me the interior and I nodded with approval at the modular kitchen, drawing room split AC, the home theatre and sofa set(not leather) blessing my luck at getting all this for INR 26000 a month.
Author: So ye saara furnishing aise hi rahega?
Bald Owner Uncle: Not really. Jitne bhi movable items hain, we'll take them. Except the geysers and woodwork.
Curse my luck I thought... the damn agent was essentially showing me an unfurnished house and at 26k it wasn't cheap at all. All the waiting at the metro queue, rickshaw bargaining couldn't be allowed to go to waste I decided. I casually struck up a conversation and told the owner I was actually looking for a furnished apartment.
Author: I work with RPG and my friend works in Deloitte. We were planning to take this house together.
Surprised look at wife who glares at her mother who glares at the husband who glares at me.
Bald Owner Uncle (smiles after a pregnant pause): Ok.. That's nice. But in that case, isn't it easier for you to buy new furniture? I'm sure in time, she might want you to buy different utensils, appliances.
I was slightly confused at his multiple misunderstandings. Firstly, my friend was a male bachelor and I was not planning a live-in as the owner seemed to assume. Secondly, it's clearly more tedious to get ACs and TVs installed. That's precisely why I wanted a furnished place! So I made my point.
Author (with a strong look at Agent Vinod): Actually, I was given to understand the house would be furnished.
Bald Owner Uncle: Thik hai... no problem. Whatever you want (looks at his wife) except the beds and puja mandir, sentimental value hai thoda, you understand, we'll leave behind. Aap ek list banao and we can discuss it. Bas payment mein adjustment kar lenge.
Owner's Wife: Ek single bed chod sakte hain. (looks at husband) AC bhi extra hoga hai na. We can leave that also for you.
Author (relieved at the flexibility and finally relaxing): Ok. Thik hai... I can do that.
Arthritic Mother: Aapko market bhi close padega and there are double parking slots in the basement.
I inspected the balcony and smiled. The view was just perfect for vodka and caviar.
Bald Owner Uncle: Actually she just moved to Gurgaon (indicating his mother) and as you can see, the living space is limited for three of us. So, we are planning to buy a 3BHK in Princeton and sell this one at 74-75.
Hmm... now what's this about? That's not good news, I thought. Questions started racing through my mind. When exactly was he planning to do this? If he sold the place, would I need to get another rental lease agreement with the new owner? How do I ensure the new owner does not evacuate me? Would I need to renegotiate the rent again? Damn!
As you know, I avoid any and all legal & governmental issues. It seemed too complicated a situation for me to enter as a third party even as a tenant. As my expressions began to cloud, the wife started pouring me some water.
Meanwhile, Agent Vinod nudged me and gently took me aside to the thug who was glowing brightly in a corner.
Agent Vinod: 75 lakhs mein toh sir, bahut hi badhiya investment hoga.
As the agents slowly painted glowing tributes about the security, raising a family in this area, proximity to vegetable market, it began to dawn on me. The cash-cheque remark, the furniture, the odd glances. Goddammit. I was in the process of BUYING the freakin apartment.
I quickly gulped down the water.
Author: Ok... Mujhe sirf layout dekhna tha. Mere friend se consult karke hi decision le sakta hun. (more smiles from owner). I will definitely get in touch with you or Vinod here. Thanks for showing me the place.
5-4-3-2-1. The bumpy rickshaw ride could not go in vain. I turned to Agent Vinod. The thug had left us alone.
Author: Accha bhaiyya. Complex toh bahut hi shaandar hai. Rent pe mil sakta hain kya yahan
Agent Vinod: Bilkul badhiya rent milega sir yahan. Is ghar pe aapko aaram se 28000 tak mil jayega
With that, I took his leave and decided to never look at Maple Heights again.
EDIT (28 June 2011): Just thought I'd let my dearest readers know that after 2 weeks of scouting around in Gurgaon, looking at 4 different houses, 1 of which I almost bought, I finalized the very 1st house I saw in Gurgaon. The deal has been sealed in the presence of the owner, his finicky grandmother, 5 agents and black labrador named Ranger. Moving in on 10th July 2011.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Maple Heights
For a well networked student in a centrally located MDI campus, a wide selection of bikes makes Gurgaon all of 40 minutes in radius. But CorpLife v2.0 revealed the 5 km gaps between buildings and suddenly disappearing public transport that extended the Gurgaon radius to well over 2 hours. While I belittled the congested closed spaces in Mumbai, the uncongested open spaces of Gurgaon belittled me. Anyway, the very first agent took me to an apartment in Maple Heights and it wasn't bad. But it was nowhere near the vodka-caviar dream. So I put him on hold.
The next day at office, I spent the whole afternoon calling various Gargs and Sharmas. The fog of vagueness mentioned earlier lifted and from within, very reluctantly, appeared my "bachelors ke liye fully furnished 2BHK with 100% power backup aur rent INR20-25000 ke range mein". But there were no takers! Or givers rather. The Gargs said I should look at the INR30000 range. The Sharmas felt I needed more space and should look for a 3BHK. The Kumars declared that if I found a wife by Friday, they'd find me a house by Sunday. And the Agrawals exclusively dealt with people for whom power backup was simply snobbishness.
I quickly realized that in Gurgaon, all roads lead to Maple Heights. But I have not given up. This is not how the story ends. The search continues....
Sunday, May 01, 2011
IngSoc and AmeriCap
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Yatra
Friday, January 21, 2011
Good Morning
Thursday, January 06, 2011
Going Wild - Part I
"Dear All,
Congratulations to Rahul for receiving a PPO from RPG - KEC.
Regards,
Placecom"
So I did add 'value' during my summer internship after all eh? Who'd've known.... Anyway, this marks the unofficial termination of my MBA. The official end is roughly 45 days away which, now that I think of it, isn't much time. Where did these 2 years go? Well... another post will come into existence for that. This one is going to be about here and now. Over the next couple of weeks, I will engage in activities that can broadly be classified under the theme "Going Wild".
This week's main event is The 72 Hour Project, an attempt to stay awake for the next 72 hours. Can it be done? Well, we are about to head into Hour 20 right now. Here's a quick recap:
11.00 - Official flag off
13.00 - Pizza at Domino's with the Machine
14.00 - AWOL
17.45 - MVW class
20.30 - BBQ nation with BDA, AMR, NSQ, LAL, BBO, DHT & of course TFN
23.40 - AWOL
03.00 - blogger.com
And now... at 07.00 - Drowsiness and sloth are very close to winning the battle........
HELP!
Edit @ 21.00 on 7th Jan 11: Close to 07.40, sleep and sloth did overcome me. The 72 Hour Project is hereby postponed until further notice.
Friday, August 06, 2010
'Brand' Personalities
The sheer spectrum of personalities you see at a B-School can never be satisfactorily classified. Nevertheless, attempts are made time and again. Like this one...
First we have the Jarheads. Fresh recruits directly shipped from colleges across the nation. Their world-view consists of dungeon-like hostel rooms, cafeteria hangouts, professorial wrath, alcohol orgies and mass bunks. Overjoyed by fate’s gift of 2 additional years of the afore-mentioned life, they care zilch about classes, stay strictly nocturnal and blissfully ignorant of the course contents. Summer leaves them with the bitter after taste of that distinctly corporate flavour called responsibility. And long after the 2 years vacation, they are still haunted by the ubiquitous 2x2 matrix, the quintessential B-School theme.
Then we have the Industry-Veterans, the victims of the GDP growth and IT revolutions. The innocents who got drafted into various warring factions like Accenture, Infosys etc only to become net disposable income statistics in the annually published Marketing Whitebook. Over time, they become loose bricks in the corporate wall and end up as another statistic in the Whitebook, Employee Attrition (to higher education). At B-Schools, the more nostalgic among them try to relive their jarhead-like era and rave about it to their still-corporate-collared friends. The more wizened among them engage in the eternal grade crusade to strengthen their heat shields against corporate re-entry.
After a while though these lines fade and new divisions emerge. One of these innumerable classifications is based on Classroom Participation or RG-giri. Relative Grading, by the way, is a noble concept introduced in B-Schools to enhance the mutual cut-throatness of future managers. Why not? After all, we will soon be in a position to destroy the world by engineering massive oil spills or financing 3rd world dictators and years of civil wars. Ahem... Sorry about the digression. Coming back to the topic at hand, armed with a year’s worth of experiences, this is an attempt to describe to the layman those unforgettable personality types that make peer learning and living such a joy in B-Schools:
The Morpheus Bhakt makes his presence felt by his mental absence. It goes thus. A few classes into the week you see his head constantly nodding in the classroom. It takes hours of speculation to realise that this is an outcome of semi-consciousness and not higher consciousness of business concepts. During attendance though, the bhakt is wide awake and in his infinite wisdom, dons multiple avatars of Roll Number 17, 42 as well as 56. Two years of this guided meditation keeps the Morpheus bhakt insulated against all forms of B-School learning and preserves his common sense for the journey into the real world.
At the other extreme is the OmniMBA who is fully capable of forcing his presence even into the subconscious of the most dedicated of Morpheus Bhakts. Forces beyond our ken have endowed this miraculous creature with the management practice gyaan of every successful corporation that ever sold soap, steel or sports cars. No doubt due to extensive reading of those Bibles written by Lee Iacocca, Jack Welch or Prahlad Kakkar. So be it accounting, market planning or organizational design, the OmniMBA relentlessly embellishes ppts with pictures and ‘additional facts’ from the internet and insists on going on with slide number 43 although it is 1.35PM and 80% of the class has zoned out. Moreover, he/she makes a terrible fuss during case discussions under the pretext of CP. Another reason to ban the evil practice of CP. Don’t get the OmniMBA wrong, though. The enthusiasm is very genuine. What is merely forgotten is that it was not HBR that Moses brought down Mount Sinai.
Months later, this great divide too is submerged by the end of 1st year which results in unprecedented levels of sloth across the personality spectrum on campus.
Some remain unchanged though. HBR reports of a secret memo circulated among the Fortune 500 in which it was published that MBAs would be utterly unproductive without the magical tool called FAFF. So the world agrees that Faff is a necessary evil. But what about the congenital and compulsive Faffer? Indeed, the only stereotype that stays true throughout an MBA is the Faff Champion. John Galt’s 32 page speech pales in comparison to a Faff Champion’s monologue. A layman would hear random unrelated English phrases mixed with generous amounts of B-School jargon depending on the quality of the faff. But the experienced ear would detect an expert faffer at work and irrespective of the situation, feel a sudden urge to say “Faff! Faff! Faff!”
If you cannot identify yourself with any of the above, do not fret. My coming posts will be dedicated to volunteers who allow me to dissect their personalities for the merriment of others. Now we come to the reluctant end of quite a long monologue. I could go on and on. But then, I don’t have the 0830 class tomorrow. What about you?