Have you ever taken a sudden long unexpected leave and gone back to work? It can be a nightmare for most. At the team lunch, your boss says loud enough for the entire team to hear, "Good to see you're back! Where were you all these days? Your team had to do overtime to finish off your work as well." and what follows is a week of poignant glares from your team-mates every time you ask for the slightest bit of help. Of course, MY boss says, "Where were you all these days? You missed the free lunch sponsored by the client!!" And that is why I love my boss. But let me not digress.....
Like the hula-hoops, lava lamps and boot-cut jeans of yore, if this generation has a fad, it has to be the undisguised hatred of one's job. Be it construction or coding. But while most of us merely day-dream about the epilogue of the event called resignation, we forget that there is also the prologue. i.e. the period of time between your decision to quit and your intimation about the same to that insufferable species called HR. Well... I entered the prologue about 2 months ago. And it ends 2 or 3 days from now. Wandering in the purpose-devoid Hebrew wilderness of boredom, I saw the light and trekked up Mount Sinai. And there, I received The 10 Commandments of what to do during the so-called notice period in an IT company.
Commandment One: Thou shalt stop working immediately for thy bread and ratings. The good Lord hath arranged for pro-rata salary payment till thy very last date by means of a settlement cheque.
Commandment Two: Honour thy boss and no other, for it is he who shalt give you thy recommendation letter which you will exaggerate during any and all interviews in the future.
Commandment Three: Thou shalt produce fake medical bills to cover all illnesses known to man and beast in order to take back what rightfully belongs to thee. The health insurance and medical allowance.
Commandment Four: Thou shalt make use of all thine SickLeaves, CasualLeaves and other leaves non-convertable into liquid cash. For The Good Lord, hath provided you with bountiful supply of diseases like jaundice, viral fever, typhoid and AIDS.
Commandment Five: Thou shalt commit adultery of information and gather all high-level documents necessary to take credit for all the things thy entire team has done together.
Commandment Six: Thou shalt covet thy neighbour's computer and make future arrangements for the same. For, the HR shall taketh away thy own when you reveal thy purpose to quit.
Commandment Seven: Thou shalt not steal anything that cannot fit into thy pocket.
Commandment Eight: Thou shalt indulge in KT and teach sin to thy replacements in abundance for it is they who shalt continue to consume company bandwidth for downloads after you leave.
Commandment Nine: Thou shalt treat all the HR girls equally and cc everyone for a date.
Most Importantly, Commandment Ten: Thou shalt not curse thy company until you are at least 5 feet outside the premises on the last day. Beyond that, The Good Lord in His infinite wisdom hath provided you free will. Use it as vociferously as you wish.
Showing posts with label TCS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TCS. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Monday, September 24, 2007
To CAD or not to CAD
I desperately want to say a 4 lettered profanity. But I shall maintain the self-imposed decorum of my blog. Oh f*** it all!! F***. F***.(Censored by author's conscience).
Folks, I'd like to tell you all a story. A story of a boy with glasses and unkempt hair. No... not Harry Potter. @#$@^ Go to JKRowling's blog if you want his story. Obviously I'm referring to ME. Long long ago, when I was a mechanical engineer, I used to make Computer Aided Design software like AutoCAD and ProE beg for mercy. I used spit at them "Render parts...!! Join B-Spline curves..!!" Little did I know the anguish my words caused them.
Years later, I became a software engineer. Ya.. That is sad. But let's not digress. And my boss said "Rahul, you were a mechie (in your last avatar) right? Go make a design software." I turned around and there they were grinning at me, the hunger for revenge written all over them. ProE, AutoCAD and many others which I hadn't even heard of....... Now, like an aircraft mechanic, I'm required to repair these buggers and make them work better.
Folks, let me just conclude before I start crying. Everytime you click on that innocuous 'render' button, a million pieces of code run around to get executed. And I'm the traffic cop who gets trampled in the process.
Moral of the story is: If you really like Rahul... no wait... if you're not blind.... don't buy/use/encourage the use/sell design software. And never ever press the 'render' button.(Ok... This is quite obvious... when Rahul is sitting somewhere writing code for the 'render' button, you know better than to even touch it.)
It's 1925 here in IT world and this screen is literally begging for a baseball bat. Horrors await me beyond the ALT + TAB. Friends, give me courage to.... No.. wait a minute.... if you're really my friends.... just give me another job....
Folks, I'd like to tell you all a story. A story of a boy with glasses and unkempt hair. No... not Harry Potter. @#$@^ Go to JKRowling's blog if you want his story. Obviously I'm referring to ME. Long long ago, when I was a mechanical engineer, I used to make Computer Aided Design software like AutoCAD and ProE beg for mercy. I used spit at them "Render parts...!! Join B-Spline curves..!!" Little did I know the anguish my words caused them.
Years later, I became a software engineer. Ya.. That is sad. But let's not digress. And my boss said "Rahul, you were a mechie (in your last avatar) right? Go make a design software." I turned around and there they were grinning at me, the hunger for revenge written all over them. ProE, AutoCAD and many others which I hadn't even heard of....... Now, like an aircraft mechanic, I'm required to repair these buggers and make them work better.
Folks, let me just conclude before I start crying. Everytime you click on that innocuous 'render' button, a million pieces of code run around to get executed. And I'm the traffic cop who gets trampled in the process.
Moral of the story is: If you really like Rahul... no wait... if you're not blind.... don't buy/use/encourage the use/sell design software. And never ever press the 'render' button.(Ok... This is quite obvious... when Rahul is sitting somewhere writing code for the 'render' button, you know better than to even touch it.)
It's 1925 here in IT world and this screen is literally begging for a baseball bat. Horrors await me beyond the ALT + TAB. Friends, give me courage to.... No.. wait a minute.... if you're really my friends.... just give me another job....
Labels:
TCS
Sunday, September 09, 2007
I know its been a zillion years since I've blogged but these past 3 months have been very 'event'ful. I'll explain the apostrophes in another post. This post is about my work or rather what I do at work. Note: In whatever follows, the term 'work' has been ill-treated without referring wither a dictionary or a thesaurus.
Like every 1 out of 3 engineering graduates in India, I too, joined an IT company. After some quality time in this industry, I've come to one conclusion. It IS true that 1 in 3 engineers joins and IT company. But, my statistics(ok... my IT uncle's) prove that 30% of them don't work. Mental arithmetic leads to one question only. If they ain't working, then, what are 11% of India's engineers doing?
My big fat disclaimer: The following activities have done by a trained professional(ho ho... lethal pun here...). The readers are advised not to try them at their own workplaces. All companies hinted at herein are figments of my imaginations and any resemblence to your company, if any, is purely coincidental. Not convinced? Wanna sue me? Go ahead... I work in India's lowest paying IT major(oops... too much of a hint?). Three square meals a day in jail sounds like heaven to me.
Rahul's list of things to do at the workplace:
1. Bench Press: No no... I ain't talking gym lingo.... Au contraire. I love cholestrol high food, increased fat intake and heart attack. It's just that after joining, for 15 days minimum, your daily routine comprises of punching in at 1000 and sitting on benches in waiting areas till 1600 with an hour break for lunch. Objective? Don't look for one.
2. Structure based analysis and vocal appraisal of client side HR personnel a.k.a. flirting with the hot receptionists.
3. Corporate Social Responsibility: All IT companies encourage employees to take initiatives in societal issues like literacy etc. It is expected that office stationery be collected daily, taken home and distributed among school going brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and other literate relatives. Do it twice a day. Just a word of advice..... time your second visit with the stationery counter personnel's shift change. No..... This ain't called cheap.... it's called CSR.
4. Safety & Security: Everyday at 1100 and 1700, go around the building swiping every door with your ID card to check which areas are accessible to you. Do this with all the elevators as well. Hey... don't blame me... I am getting paid to do this.
5. Networking: All organisations highly recommend this. Use library computers to keep in touch with friends/colleagues at Sametime(hint?). In case the libcomps are occupied, stand approx 4 feet away from the guy and fidget around with your feet. It works.
6. Health at work: I know you don't wanna hear this..... but it's my duty. For good health,
drink as much water as you can and visit the restrooms. Just remember to visit different
restrooms to avoid the CCTV people from getting suspicious.
7. Visual C++: Apart from Greek and Latin, VC++ is considered the toughest language to learn. So, you know exactly what to say whenever your boss asks you what the hell are you upto.... Don't worry.... He's been there.... He'll get it....
Thus, in just one month, I've thought beyond the obvious avenues of 'work'. Yet, I've experienced certainity in just one thing. I still don't know why I'm getting paid.
Like every 1 out of 3 engineering graduates in India, I too, joined an IT company. After some quality time in this industry, I've come to one conclusion. It IS true that 1 in 3 engineers joins and IT company. But, my statistics(ok... my IT uncle's) prove that 30% of them don't work. Mental arithmetic leads to one question only. If they ain't working, then, what are 11% of India's engineers doing?
My big fat disclaimer: The following activities have done by a trained professional(ho ho... lethal pun here...). The readers are advised not to try them at their own workplaces. All companies hinted at herein are figments of my imaginations and any resemblence to your company, if any, is purely coincidental. Not convinced? Wanna sue me? Go ahead... I work in India's lowest paying IT major(oops... too much of a hint?). Three square meals a day in jail sounds like heaven to me.
Rahul's list of things to do at the workplace:
1. Bench Press: No no... I ain't talking gym lingo.... Au contraire. I love cholestrol high food, increased fat intake and heart attack. It's just that after joining, for 15 days minimum, your daily routine comprises of punching in at 1000 and sitting on benches in waiting areas till 1600 with an hour break for lunch. Objective? Don't look for one.
2. Structure based analysis and vocal appraisal of client side HR personnel a.k.a. flirting with the hot receptionists.
3. Corporate Social Responsibility: All IT companies encourage employees to take initiatives in societal issues like literacy etc. It is expected that office stationery be collected daily, taken home and distributed among school going brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and other literate relatives. Do it twice a day. Just a word of advice..... time your second visit with the stationery counter personnel's shift change. No..... This ain't called cheap.... it's called CSR.
4. Safety & Security: Everyday at 1100 and 1700, go around the building swiping every door with your ID card to check which areas are accessible to you. Do this with all the elevators as well. Hey... don't blame me... I am getting paid to do this.
5. Networking: All organisations highly recommend this. Use library computers to keep in touch with friends/colleagues at Sametime(hint?). In case the libcomps are occupied, stand approx 4 feet away from the guy and fidget around with your feet. It works.
6. Health at work: I know you don't wanna hear this..... but it's my duty. For good health,
drink as much water as you can and visit the restrooms. Just remember to visit different
restrooms to avoid the CCTV people from getting suspicious.
7. Visual C++: Apart from Greek and Latin, VC++ is considered the toughest language to learn. So, you know exactly what to say whenever your boss asks you what the hell are you upto.... Don't worry.... He's been there.... He'll get it....
Thus, in just one month, I've thought beyond the obvious avenues of 'work'. Yet, I've experienced certainity in just one thing. I still don't know why I'm getting paid.
Labels:
TCS
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