Tuesday, June 02, 2009

The 10 commandments

Have you ever taken a sudden long unexpected leave and gone back to work? It can be a nightmare for most. At the team lunch, your boss says loud enough for the entire team to hear, "Good to see you're back! Where were you all these days? Your team had to do overtime to finish off your work as well." and what follows is a week of poignant glares from your team-mates every time you ask for the slightest bit of help. Of course, MY boss says, "Where were you all these days? You missed the free lunch sponsored by the client!!" And that is why I love my boss. But let me not digress.....

Like the hula-hoops, lava lamps and boot-cut jeans of yore, if this generation has a fad, it has to be the undisguised hatred of one's job. Be it construction or coding. But while most of us merely day-dream about the epilogue of the event called resignation, we forget that there is also the prologue. i.e. the period of time between your decision to quit and your intimation about the same to that insufferable species called HR. Well... I entered the prologue about 2 months ago. And it ends 2 or 3 days from now. Wandering in the purpose-devoid Hebrew wilderness of boredom, I saw the light and trekked up Mount Sinai. And there, I received The 10 Commandments of what to do during the so-called notice period in an IT company.

Commandment One: Thou shalt stop working immediately for thy bread and ratings. The good Lord hath arranged for pro-rata salary payment till thy very last date by means of a settlement cheque.

Commandment Two: Honour thy boss and no other, for it is he who shalt give you thy recommendation letter which you will exaggerate during any and all interviews in the future.

Commandment Three: Thou shalt produce fake medical bills to cover all illnesses known to man and beast in order to take back what rightfully belongs to thee. The health insurance and medical allowance.

Commandment Four: Thou shalt make use of all thine SickLeaves, CasualLeaves and other leaves non-convertable into liquid cash. For The Good Lord, hath provided you with bountiful supply of diseases like jaundice, viral fever, typhoid and AIDS.

Commandment Five: Thou shalt commit adultery of information and gather all high-level documents necessary to take credit for all the things thy entire team has done together.

Commandment Six: Thou shalt covet thy neighbour's computer and make future arrangements for the same. For, the HR shall taketh away thy own when you reveal thy purpose to quit.

Commandment Seven: Thou shalt not steal anything that cannot fit into thy pocket.

Commandment Eight: Thou shalt indulge in KT and teach sin to thy replacements in abundance for it is they who shalt continue to consume company bandwidth for downloads after you leave.

Commandment Nine: Thou shalt treat all the HR girls equally and cc everyone for a date.

Most Importantly, Commandment Ten: Thou shalt not curse thy company until you are at least 5 feet outside the premises on the last day. Beyond that, The Good Lord in His infinite wisdom hath provided you free will. Use it as vociferously as you wish.