Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I'd like to meet......

1) A polar bear...."Hibernation is a bewildering concept to me....."
2) Mr Bush...."Someone's gotta kill tht guy"
3) PG Wodehouse...."Is he as humorous in person........"
4) Einstein..."Great minds must meet u know.....for the flow of ideas...."
5) Padma Lakshmi..."Gotta drive some sense into her.....Salman Rushdie!!!!....sheesh"
6) Stephen Hawking...."Let him explain the black hole in my room....outta which creatures come in the nite and take away my stored food"
7) My old school friends...."Haha..i'm taller than all of you."
8) Ron Weasley...."I need tips to increase my waistline within a month...."
9) Dan Brown...."Someone tell him, copy pasting characters doesn't go down well with readers...."
Windows XP code writers......"Thank you!!!!"
11) Murphy(of the law fame)...."Dude....u r wrong.....I haven't saved this text and my pc hasn't yet restarted"
12) Shakespeare..."Write in coherent, English, u dumba**"
13) Porsche makers....."Need to introduce them to a li'l concept called affordability"
Eddie Murphy....."Gnashing one's teeth on screen doesn't constitute a smile....."
15) Friends in Season 1......"Rachel, u love Ross, Monica, u'll marry Chandler, Pheobe, u marry someone i don't remember and Joey, u get ur own show"
16) Shahrukh Khan....." K-K-K-Kry baby "
17) JC Bose..."Sorry dude, u got no Nobel, but u do hv a particle and home theatres named after u"
18) Hitler..."No amount of territory or power can compensate the 1 thing u lack, not humanity.....height, u dwarf"
19) MJ....."Just want to know once and for all.....Is he/she a he/she or a she/he??"

A Phony Story

This is the story of a boy who lost his cellphone. He left it at a tea stall as if it were a hanky. Let's not blame him. He forgets a conversation by the end of it. Now, there were about 10 people who saw it on the table.
Being utterly jobless, they had a round table conference with the stall owner. The question raised was " Who is to keep it? ".....no no.....they were extremely honest people...... The debate was on " Who is to keep it till the boy comes along to claim it back? ".Since each of them trusted his neighbour like India trusts Pakistan, they decided after numerous debates that Panditji was the most respectable of them all. He was chosen for safekeeping the hanky (that costs Rs 4000)

2 days later, the boy came around to claim it. The owner explained the matter to him and asked him to come in the evening when the Panditji will be available. In the evening, the boy came back and waited anxiously like a would be father in a nursing home waiting room. You get the picture. And then on the horizon, riding like Arwen in LOTR, he came riding atop his trusty steed manufactured by Atlas Cycles.Believe it or not, the priest(M.A. , PhD Hindi) INTERROGATED the boy. After satisfying himself and the audience that assembled there, he proceeded without preamble " Now, don't worry, you will get your cell, but there is the small matter of the compensation ". Let me repeat COMPENSATION AKA money. Of course, being virtuous does have its advantages; spiritual and monetary ones both. The boy was shocked. But he agreed and took out a Rs 50 note. No can do. The alleged godman said he wouldn't accept money but he will accept Rs 100 worth sweets(courtesy: The tea stall). This done, the boy and godman left to the latter's home to claim the cell waiting for him.

Upon reaching there through a maze/slum which will not survive 2 hrs of rain, the priest and his hospitality left the boy stunned. Tea, a strong dosage of "shudh hindi" and some more of those Rs 100 sweets later, the boy bid adieu to the family which politely invited him for the next day's festival. Accompanied on the way back by the Panditji, the boy was casually wondering to what levels of grime can a religious man stoop when the Panditji remarked " Go on ahead to the tea stall, I'll just have a cigarette and come there "

Case closed. I am never gonna lose my cell again. And even if I do I am never ever gonna go to reclaim it. Who knows what kinda weirdo I might meet......Maybe a dog lover who eats his pets......or a 10 yr old who is coal mafia don.......

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Dea(r)th of love

DEATH. I have never seen death nor have I experienced the loss of a relative. So I have no idea what I will feel (if and)when that happens. I cannot pretend it will never happen in my lifetime. But I have never really thought about it at all because it isn't something anyone likes to think about. I learnt of an incident. These are the facts: A boy loved a girl. She did not reciprocate. He committed suicide. His mother cried in front of the entire college. His father was angry that his son left them. The girl felt guilty and committed suicide.
It made me think. When we love someone, what is the depth of that feeling? Should it be so deep that if rejected, we have no reason to live? If it isn't that deep then does its shallowness indicate a hypocrisy? What truly is love? Is it justified to forsake our parents and die for love? Was the girl really guilty of something? Did she die because of him or because of some wrong mental attitude of her own? Was I wrong when I defined LOVE in a previous post?
Consider this case:
I love A. Then A's actions/reactions will affect me. How they affect me is upto me....right? If A is affected by what happens to me, then my love for A binds A to me and narrows A's emotional reaction range. Without A's choice I affected A's life and actions.
My point here being.......what if you or I were A. We are now controlled(so to speak) by another person. Is that acceptable? Should it be acceptable? I don't know.

After a brief look at what I wrote down above...I think I can wade across this emotional swamp of mine.
LOVE? This is how it must be.
I love her passionately. The feeling of "loving that girl" is the only thing that matters to me. I love the way she looks, thinks, reacts.....Period. I expect nothing from her. Neither acknowledgement nor reciprocation. It is she who will decide her feelings towards me. As far as I am concerned, the only bond between me and her is the feeling of my love for her that I will carry within me. That's all. This is the depth of my love.

Now my questions can be answered.
The depth of love is total. Rejection or approval do not matter at all. The girl died because she felt guilt. The only thing she was guilty of was self-betrayal because the guilt was her own mental creation. So, she was solely responsible for her death.
And yes. I was wrong before. Actually I was inconsistent. My definition of LOVE included the other person which it shouldn't have......because the self-sufficiency I wrote about implicitly includes LOVE in it.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Days of our lives

It all began the day we arrived back from the vacation. We were room hunting.
Roomie: Let's take this one raa...its clean and has a locational advantage over the others.
Ya. You see, when the Nazis infiltrate our building then, owing our room's superior locational advantage over the others, we'll be the only ones to survive. Also, we can get to the bathrooms faster which is very important as anyone with a healthy apetite and an unco-operative stomach lining will know.
Me: Absolutely......and the ventilation...!!! Good call man.
You shud see our room. There was NO WAY any light, Visible or IR or UV or even a ruby LASER cud touch any surface within. NASA could've avoided that Kalpana Chawla episode, had they used our windows on the shuttle's underside. Vitamin C deficiency, here I come.

(((((((((5 weeks later))))))))))
0715 hrs------->>>>>>>>>>>>>
The cell alarms start to ring....both my roomie's and mine.....along with the my comp's alarm....they sing a melancholy strain...."Open thee dreamy eyelids...and look outside....thou shalt see....its so fresh...and so mellow.....its lecturetime"
I lift up my head enuf to hibernate my comp and throw my cell into a drawer(its a NOKIA 3315...it'll survive).My roomie is more car(eful)ing. He mutes it with a pillow. And with the silence of the lambs, we drift back into sleep.
0740 hrs------->>>>>>>>>>>>
Some curious nosy Parker who has equated "Waking people up" and "Social service" comes in and jerks us awake. I rub my eyes and think what a nice milkman this guy wud make. Coming out of the room, I see a procession of pilgrims going towards Kasi, all their problems have simple solutions:morning ablutions........u get the picture
0755 hrs------------>>>>>>>>>>
I am wolfing down breakfast with no time to wonder what it is.
Mr perfect mechanical engineer(call him MPME) who is leaving the mess, casually remarks:"The weather is fine today. Rust process will be reduced by 27%. By the way, we have to design class today so get your charts." I look around the table and see my branchmates faces. Malicious|Smug|Resigned|Blissfully ignorant(OGPA = 8 and struggling for more|8 and happy|7 and stopped trying|6 and indifferent respectively)

0830 hrs----------->>>>>>>>>>>>
We are in Drawing hall sitting on high stools like in a bar. After a sincere 1/2 an hour tryin to figure out what to do...I join a gathering of people and discuss the topic of the day: Bush's policies, the Profs daughter..etc etc
0950 hrs------------->>>>>>>>>>
I hastily add 5 or 6 lines to my drawing, seriously look at my work and then call a guy to have a look at it. We both laugh at the fat lady that I wanna pretend is a flywheel. Then we pack.....time toe.
1055 hrs-------------->>>>>>>>>
Some jerk jerks me awake in the nick of time. I say a strong "Yes Sir" in a deep baritone. Class over. 3 down 1 to go.
1210 hrs------------->>>>>>>>>>
Prof: So, this flow analysis technique has several advantages...blah blah and some more blah.....
Im poring over my book.....Ludlum's action is pretty fast paced.
Benchmate: Arey whats ur top score in snake? I got a 1120 just now.
Me: Huh..what? Abey...don't disturb man....listen to the prof or somethin...
5 benches to the north .i.e. in the first bench.
GMAT1: Sir, if the fluid flow is not in 1D then how can we assume?
GMAT2: arey, the Stoke's law's combination with Bernoulli clearly explains it...blah blah and some more blah....
Prof: Yes, thats right. In fact, why don't u take down this assignment on 1D flow.
Everyone groans but they hang on to the filmy shred of hope that Prof didn't give a deadline.
GMAT1: Sir, when shud we submit it, next class......@%#!#%@!!!
1315 hrs----------->>>>>>>>>>
Im asleep, catching up on the sleep lost during the morning(Reason: Had breakfast today). MPME passes the room while going to the mess.
MPME: All guyz completed ur HMT assignment i hope. Today is last day for submission.
DAMN. I instantly look at the timetable. First P.Tech, then HMT. Relief washes all over me and I put a few A4 sheets into my bag. That taken care off, I go back to slumber.
1615 hrs------------>>>>>>>>
I return after a gruelling day and head towards Dhaiyya. Some tea, singhadas(bihari for piping hot samosas) and 2 hrs later, im revived and rejuvenated.
1830 hrs------------->>>>>>>
I switch on my pc. 10 minutes and (sh)it happened. My roomie's UPS wails like a banshee falling from the top of a tower. His UPS heralds the coming of the low voltage. Barely 2 minutes later, a loud cacophony of electronic beeps is heard all over the wing. My darling Stabilizer....I Love U
2045 hrs-------------->>>>>>>
My friends call me. I hibernate my pc and go for dinner. After Gamerboy(name changed for health reasons) redefines fast food and Pubboy's(name changed) drawn out meal campaign, I return to some Q time on my pc.
0240 hrs------------>>>>>>>
I hear my roomie's light snore and realise he's asleep. I too buy tickets for dreamtheatre. 15 seconds later, I wake up and recall the most important thing. Nope....not an assignment. Nope...not a test. I silently set the alarms on my pc and cell.

Ya ya....i know what u skeptics are thinking....but u just wait and see....i'm gonna do that alarm justice one of these days.......one of these days...........