Monday, September 24, 2007

To CAD or not to CAD

I desperately want to say a 4 lettered profanity. But I shall maintain the self-imposed decorum of my blog. Oh f*** it all!! F***. F***.(Censored by author's conscience).

Folks, I'd like to tell you all a story. A story of a boy with glasses and unkempt hair. No... not Harry Potter. @#$@^ Go to JKRowling's blog if you want his story. Obviously I'm referring to ME. Long long ago, when I was a mechanical engineer, I used to make Computer Aided Design software like AutoCAD and ProE beg for mercy. I used spit at them "Render parts...!! Join B-Spline curves..!!" Little did I know the anguish my words caused them.

Years later, I became a software engineer. Ya.. That is sad. But let's not digress. And my boss said "Rahul, you were a mechie (in your last avatar) right? Go make a design software." I turned around and there they were grinning at me, the hunger for revenge written all over them. ProE, AutoCAD and many others which I hadn't even heard of....... Now, like an aircraft mechanic, I'm required to repair these buggers and make them work better.

Folks, let me just conclude before I start crying. Everytime you click on that innocuous 'render' button, a million pieces of code run around to get executed. And I'm the traffic cop who gets trampled in the process.
Moral of the story is: If you really like Rahul... no wait... if you're not blind.... don't buy/use/encourage the use/sell design software. And never ever press the 'render' button.(Ok... This is quite obvious... when Rahul is sitting somewhere writing code for the 'render' button, you know better than to even touch it.)

It's 1925 here in IT world and this screen is literally begging for a baseball bat. Horrors await me beyond the ALT + TAB. Friends, give me courage to.... No.. wait a minute.... if you're really my friends.... just give me another job....

Sunday, September 09, 2007

I know its been a zillion years since I've blogged but these past 3 months have been very 'event'ful. I'll explain the apostrophes in another post. This post is about my work or rather what I do at work. Note: In whatever follows, the term 'work' has been ill-treated without referring wither a dictionary or a thesaurus.
Like every 1 out of 3 engineering graduates in India, I too, joined an IT company. After some quality time in this industry, I've come to one conclusion. It IS true that 1 in 3 engineers joins and IT company. But, my statistics(ok... my IT uncle's) prove that 30% of them don't work. Mental arithmetic leads to one question only. If they ain't working, then, what are 11% of India's engineers doing?

My big fat disclaimer: The following activities have done by a trained professional(ho ho... lethal pun here...). The readers are advised not to try them at their own workplaces. All companies hinted at herein are figments of my imaginations and any resemblence to your company, if any, is purely coincidental. Not convinced? Wanna sue me? Go ahead... I work in India's lowest paying IT major(oops... too much of a hint?). Three square meals a day in jail sounds like heaven to me.

Rahul's list of things to do at the workplace:
1. Bench Press: No no... I ain't talking gym lingo.... Au contraire. I love cholestrol high food, increased fat intake and heart attack. It's just that after joining, for 15 days minimum, your daily routine comprises of punching in at 1000 and sitting on benches in waiting areas till 1600 with an hour break for lunch. Objective? Don't look for one.
2. Structure based analysis and vocal appraisal of client side HR personnel a.k.a. flirting with the hot receptionists.
3. Corporate Social Responsibility: All IT companies encourage employees to take initiatives in societal issues like literacy etc. It is expected that office stationery be collected daily, taken home and distributed among school going brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and other literate relatives. Do it twice a day. Just a word of advice..... time your second visit with the stationery counter personnel's shift change. No..... This ain't called cheap.... it's called CSR.
4. Safety & Security: Everyday at 1100 and 1700, go around the building swiping every door with your ID card to check which areas are accessible to you. Do this with all the elevators as well. Hey... don't blame me... I am getting paid to do this.
5. Networking: All organisations highly recommend this. Use library computers to keep in touch with friends/colleagues at Sametime(hint?). In case the libcomps are occupied, stand approx 4 feet away from the guy and fidget around with your feet. It works.
6. Health at work: I know you don't wanna hear this..... but it's my duty. For good health,
drink as much water as you can and visit the restrooms. Just remember to visit different
restrooms to avoid the CCTV people from getting suspicious.

7. Visual C++: Apart from Greek and Latin, VC++ is considered the toughest language to learn. So, you know exactly what to say whenever your boss asks you what the hell are you upto.... Don't worry.... He's been there.... He'll get it....

Thus, in just one month, I've thought beyond the obvious avenues of 'work'. Yet, I've experienced certainity in just one thing. I still don't know why I'm getting paid.