'New's stand

NOTE: I've created a new movie review blog. So, click on THIS before you watch a flick.....
I am utterly "vetti" these days......as one of my friends Re'Vetti' Ramanan says.......so here goes...

This is an official protest against "That-which-is-so-crappy-ugly-gross-shitty-that-it-canot-be-named" being fed to us daily at 8 am in the morning.....yeah that’s when my newspaper arrives. I am going to burn 'news'papers at the stake over here.

PAGE 1:
(A) No quota in un-aided colleges.....Thank God.More of this and we'd need a quota for the quota-less junta.
(B) Volkswagen-India official arrested, Taken to HYD......The police must've given him a marvelous rear-spoiler......if u know what i mean.
(C) High Court Counsels Karishma, husband to settle dispute.....look at the injustice....even after he "court"-ed her for so long its only "....Counsels Karishma, husband to....."

PAGE 2:
Bringing alive the Desi art form....A book review...the book is about Indian Sculpture spanning 4000 years......ya.A must read.It will transport u back to that stone age era......or atleast ur skull's contents will reach the Neanderthal era.

PAGE 3:
(A) BRIEFLY...
Ludhiana: 5 killed in collision
Shahjahanpur: 4 dead in accident
Jamshedpur: 3 killed in firing
New Delhi: 5 killed in accident
Why is this column listing deaths titled BRIEFLY.......maybe it shud be called BRUSQUELY....eh?
(B) A reminder for initiating police reforms......Ya right....'A short reminder to prompt the government to begin the visualization of the outline of a plan to fully set in motion the preliminaries to initiate police reforms........'

PAGE 4:
(A) Whither real freedom, asked Tara Bhattacharjee(Gandhiji's grand-daughter) while inaugurating a science exhibition at The Indian School in S.Delhi.She also encouraged the 6-12 yr old children to spin and wear Khadi.........pretty reasonable.I mean...if they can understand real freedom......they can sure as hell spin Khadi clothes.
(B) NOIDA's tenders......did you know that NOIDA means New Okhla Industrial Development Authority.....so from now on, no more...."Ya...his parents live in NOIDA." OR "I left my dog in NOIDA".But then what should we say...?

PAGE 5:
(A) NIFT designs ITBP uniforms......Haute Couture for ones with the hauteur eh!!!.....Look out Paris....
(B) UP Governor withholds bill on renaming Varsity......this was THE MOST important of the governor activities that TOI could record......I wonder.....is there a lapse on TOI's part or is the governor that jobless...!!!

PAGE 6:
Articles side-by-side ----->
Rs. 2200 crore Bangalore-Mysore monorail system underway
Rs. 1510 crore sought by Karnataka CM from Centre for flood relief

PAGE 7:
(A) Krishna waters released for Chennai......be happy Madrasis......u now need to buy only 2 BIBO water cans per day instead of 3.....

PAGE 8:
TV Listings....and Radio Listings.....its not unusual ppl......70% of INDIA is still rural.....

PAGE 9 :
(A) CPI(M) destroy police buildings......Ahem....It seems a trivial piece of info but naxals do this kinda thing in my state(AP).....here Bihar has a proper CParty(organization)I to do all this!!!!....whoever says it isn't developed.......
(B) Sikkim pays 13 yr old girls Rs 2500 if they submit proof of being un-married......that must definitely have marr(i)ed ur impression of North East India eh?....but hey.....thts how horrible the situation is......
(C) Mangal Pandey opens to full house in UK ......What is with these people.....Do they WANT to see only India's under developed past......DEVDAS|LAGAAN....etc

PAGE 10 to 13 missing : Im gonna kick Vijay's a**

PAGE 14 :
Mumbai's dard(aur pani bhari) katha......

PAGE 15 :
(A) No Iraq troop cut. Will send terrible signal to enemy says Bush........uhh.Excuse me but what/where/which enemy r u talkin about Mr. Bush.....those bearded Bedouins with their..... (surprise surprise)......US M16 subs that u gave them to fight Saddam???
(B) Forest Fire Haze: Jakarta seeks help.........poor fellas....I mean talk about having the worst luck in the universe......Volcanoes...Earthquakes...Tsunamis...And now this......

PAGE 17 to 21 No comments: Hey...they deal with solid business figures and facts....and sports.......

PAGE 22:
Cultured Meat for veggies.....Good news for Moral Veggies...u don’t hv to feel guilty....No news for Religious Veggies.....continue with ur grass.....